Ask not what your country can do for you...

When I was a kid, I remember hearing a part of President Kennedy's speech, "And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country." I thought this was a cool line because it was creative. I wasn't particularly inspired to become an advocate and volunteer for America but I completely understood what he meant by it. I took
that to heart, but in a different way than the President would've expected.

As a single person or even as a Christian, we tend to ask "How is the church going to help me, how will it serve my needs, where do I fit in?" Many years ago, my mom told me that I was going to go Sunday school or a singles function so that I could be a blessing to others. Don't get me wrong, I love church and fellowshipping with others but sometimes it's easier to go home after the first service because we find much to do. Let's face it, we always have "stuff" to do. Never has there been a time where I've said to myself "I have everything done, what am I going to do with myself?". Never.

My attitude has changed in the last few years as to the church meeting my needs. I have found ways to make myself available for people or to serve the Lord in some capacity without the need to be affirmed. I have looked at my life as a single person and the Lord has shown ways for me to get involved or to help someone. Instead of focusing on myself or my singleness, it moves the focus on pleasing the Lord. This is not to toot my own horn or give myself a pat on the back because there is much improvement needed in my life still. I remember attending an adult Sunday school years ago and at the end of the nine month session, the teacher sent an email asking us what Sunday school lifestage we were going to get plugged in. I responded (with a little attitude behind it) to him in an email saying that I would get plugged in if there was even a singles Sunday school for us! I was so chagrined when I realized that he meant "Where are you going to serve?".

Being single allows for one to become self-consumed. I am not condoning the nature of a single person but it isn't hard to become this way because of our lifestyle. We are alone in virtually all we do. We don't have to get anyone ready in the morning other than ourselves. We don't need to ask our spouse whether we should buy this or that. We don't need to worry about being home at a decent time to spend time with our kids or spouse. We don't need to get permission or input from them if we should be in this or that ministry. Our life revolves pretty much around us. So, why wouldn't we ask,"How are my needs going to be met by the church?"?

It's so easy to get in a "me" mode but we need to remember that our focus is on serving Christ in everything we do. Looking out for others' interests before our own will help us to get the focus off of ourselves. (Philippians 2:3-4
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;
do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. )

Recently at work, I sent an email to the staff asking if anyone had a couple pieces of furniture. One woman wrote back within five minutes that she had a two-drawer filing cabinet and I could pick it up from her office any time. I wrote back to the staff telling them that I had found my cabinet and commented on the fast response and then added kiddingly, "Now, if only you could find me a husband." I got two responses to that one liner and both were offering me their husbands. One went on to say that I should enjoy my singlehood because marriage is not what it seems.

It's a sad commentary when married folk long for singleness so that they could focus on themselves again. They want freedom. What they don't remember is that that freedom comes with a price too: loneliness. Their mindset isn't, "Oh I wish I were single too so that I could serve the Lord without worrying about not spending enough time with my family." On the other end of the spectrum, many single people long for marriage to fulfill their own needs-we humans are so selfish! Marriage was designed to bring God glory not to make us live happily ever after-that can come along with it but it's not God's intention for our lives.

The focus is not about being married or about being single, but it should be on God alone and bringing Him glory. Our job on earth is to be salt and light and make Jesus' name famous. It's not about us. The church does not have a responsibility to meet the needs of its members but to collectively bring honor and glory to a most holy God and to serve Him with giving hearts and joyful attitudes. And so, my fellow Christians: ask not what the Church can do for you- ask
what you can do for the Church.

Luke 2:36-38
And there was a prophetess, Anna the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher, she was advanced in years and had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, and then as a widow to the age of eighty-four. She never left the temple, serving night and day with fastings and prayers. At that very moment she came up and began giving thanks to God, and continued to speak of Him to all those who were looking for the redemption of Jerusalem.

Life's Best Security

I'd have to say that the most difficult aspects of being single is the potential for financial instability. I'm a teacher and live on a very limited budget. I can't live without a roommate because of my meager income not to mention that I live in California. I'm totally fine with this because I love my job and my students and know that this comes with the territory of teaching. However, what happens when you are on your own looking for a job and you have rent or your mortgage and other major bills due? I have found that you can't depend on your spouse's income as a buffer. You can't depend on your parents to get you a job and definitely not your friends. You are the only one-wait did I say only one? Yes I did, but I meant, you are the only human who can get yourself a job. However, God is the only one who can provide. He is the ultimate Conductor and orchestrates every note on the page of life.

I have been teaching for six years and can attest to the fact that there is never job security in life. Actually, aside from the Lord there isn't any security in anything. Each year that I've taught, I have struggled to keep my job because of credential issues beyond my control. This has made me dependent on the Lord's provision not to mention His timing.

This summer was the most difficult because I was released from my job and have had quite a rollercoaster of a ride. I was interviewed, almost hired, applied for a different job-only to find out that the principal decided to close additional sections of the program, applied for different jobs and then, (less than two days ago) got an unexpected phone call that I have a job. Talk about last minute-12 days before school starts!

This ordeal has taught me so much. God is faithful, His way is only the best and I must learn to not waiver in trusting Him. He has always come through for me-you'd think that knowing Him for 27 years would allow me to relax in Him completely. O to be human though.

I've also learned that I must depend on the Lord only, a husband won't get me a job. His income may sustain me physically but in the end, it's the Lord's security that sustains me. Many singles think or at least I used to think, "Now, if I only had a husband..." as if he would complete me.

It's been an uphill battle but as I've grown spiritually, I've come to realize that the He is the only One to complete me. I'm sure glad that my future husband does not have the responsibility to satiate all my female emotions and needs.

What the world needs now is NOT love sweet love but Christ to sustain it. All we need is NOT love but redemption. He is our all in all and great is His faithfulness!

Philippians 4:11-13- I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.

...3,2,1...Houston, we have a problem...

When you're single, you tend to hang out with mostly with other singles. One night, my roommate and I were hanging out and having dinner with two other single roommates and we were discussing the "man shortage" in our area. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of men here in the San Francisco area but there seems to be a shortage of normal ones at church. All of us are not into barhopping and can't imagine finding our future hubby there. I half kiddingly said to one of them, "You know what I think? I think that guys our age have been aborted." She said "Aborted? Aborted, where?" I just about died laughing, yeah uh, to the moon, NASA has taken all of our eligible men. Actually, those astronauts are high quality guys but that's not exactly what I intended. I explained that I had read somewhere that a high percentage of our generation was aborted due to unwanted pregnancies. I wonder about the truth in that, let me clarify: I totally believe that a high percentage of our generation would exist if it weren't for abortions but I wonder if that's the reason for the shortage of quality men.

I also wonder why is that others can find their spouse so quickly and I can't even get a "What are you doing for lunch?" with a guy. It's fascinating to me that widows/widowers and recently- divorced can find someone and the next thing you know, they're married again and I haven't even had my first! Now, this isn't coming from a jealous heart but it's an observation of mine. I've often thought that perhaps the Lord knows (ha, I treat Him with a "perhaps He knows"attitude. How arrogant of me) who can handle a lonely heart and who can't. Maybe I'm made for the single life but then I wonder if I'm supposed to continue having the desire to marry. In the end, only the Lord knows. I do know this: In all that I do, I am made for Him and He is where I can find my complete satisfaction. Man is limited, but God isn't.

Great Expectations

Before I graduated high school, I kind of had my plans laid out in my head. I thought that once I turned 18, I would get married and start a family before 20 like my mom. Of course I didn't put much thought to how I was going to find a man but I figured that it would work out somehow. I had no desire to go to college because I was going to be a mom. When my expectations weren't exactly fulfilled, I "took-up" college and decided to go that route thinking that I would for sure have my first child by 25. That didn't happen.

The truth of the matter is that I'm not even close to being married and I'm 31 now. What went wrong? It's not like I strayed from the Lord. He knows the desires of my heart, why am I still single? How come my younger sister and two brothers got married and I've been on a dating dryspell for two years? These are obvious questions that I cannot answer. If I ponder them long enough, I may start to get discouraged which is totally normal. I try not to go there because it can turn into a downward spiral of discouragement to a pity party to anger and blame. The blame is usually on the Lord.

As I've matured, I have less of these "downward spirals" because I've changed my attitude. Getting married was kind of an idol in my 20s. I so wanted to be married. I would see couples at church or watch romantic comedies or even my own parents be in love and think, "If only that were me..."

My attitude was changed nearly four years ago. It was the day before Thanksgiving and I was sitting in my classroom with a student who was having her usual migraine of the day. Her migraines were worsening and she asked if she could stay in my class and sit in the corner behind my desk and sleep. I told her that she needed to call her dad and get his permission to do that. I encouraged her to go home, but she refused with the thought that she could sleep it off during one class, not to mention that she couldn't drive home with her double vision. I ate my lunch while she still slept behind my desk. I tried to wake her up and offered her some of my lunch but she was way too sleepy. I let her be and taught my last class of the day. After class, I again tried to wake her up but she was still sleepy. I graded and corrected papers while she snoozed. I started to become concerned when she was trying to say something to me but couldn't. Her words were all garbled and incohesive. I called the school nurse to come check her out and we both decided to call her mom. We couldn't get a hold of her mom or dad but her grandpa came to the school and was startled by the incident. By the time her mom came to the school, school was over and students were exuberantly going home (the next two days without school-woohoo!) while we tried to talk to my student who was not making sense. I was nervous inside but her mom was visibly shaken up and I suggested taking her to the hospital. I decided to go along to be of help. As we drove in the car, I prayed aloud for her. When we got to the E.R., they took her vitals and then they wanted to put a catheter in her. My student was becoming agitated and I offered to help comfort her. Soon, her other family members started to arrive as doctors started examining her. I decided that I should leave and go home since it was past dinner time and I wanted to go to the Thanksgiving service at church.

Our pastor spoke about being thankful of course but he shared a story that touched my heart like no other. He told us of Corrie Ten Boom when she was at the concentration camps during the Holocaust. Corrie could deal with starvation and the work and the torture as a prisoner but could not be thankful for the lice that infested her and the prisoners' bodies and their barracks. She then realized that she could freely conduct Bible studies in the barracks because the guards didn't want anything to do with lice. She found a reason to be thankful for the lice.

On my way home from church, I called my student's parents to find out how she was doing. Everything was okay, the tests were all normal- it turned out that she was in a deep sleep and was sleep talking/walking. Talk about trippy.

On Thanksgiving morning, I went for a jog (yuck, but I knew I was going to eat more than usual) and all of a sudden, I had this epiphany: If I was married, I couldn't be involved in my students' lives like I am. There would be no way that I would be able to just go at the drop of a hat to the hospital with a student because of my marital responsibilities. As I jogged home, I thanked the Lord for my singleness and freedom to serve Him. It was the most sincere thankfulness for being single that I had ever had.

So, instead of wallowing in this phase or lifetime commitment of singlehood, I've decided to make the most of it to serve in ways that other married folk can't. Boy, it's been pretty cool to hang out with an 82 year old at 11 p.m. on a weekday because hey, I can!

All throughout life we have these expectations for ourselves and we think that they are found in God's will. Sometimes they are but many times they aren't. I still want to be married and have kids but I trust that the Lord's plan for my life is better than I could imagine. He knows what's up. I now realize that my responsibilities lie in trying to bring him glory throughout all areas of my life-even if it's in an awkward place such as being single. I mean awkward because it's not always easy going alone somewhere especially in a couples-oriented place. However, this is the Lord molding me into His image and these trials will make me draw closer to Him.

Mates Without Matches

So, you're probably wondering about the title of my blog. It's a little odd but there is significance to it. When I was 19, I went to a college Bible study at church. The speaker was encouraging us young adults to use our singleness for the Lord's service. He said that these were the best years of our lives when it came to serving the Lord without having to worry or take care of your spouse or family.


Later, the speaker shared with us some humorous names of singles ministries from various churches. "Mates Without Matches" was a singles ministry for um, socks? I know for a fact that when I lose a sock in the wash, I anguish over it's location. I long to find it and need it to keep me warm and cozy. I know that if I wear it by itself, my exposed foot is lonely. Okay, that's kind of a hyperbole but I bet that's how that church came up with their cutesy singles ministry title. Anyway, I thought it was funny and dwelled on the title. The title seems to imply that these single adults were looking for their future spouse rather than focusing on bringing glory to the Lord through their single status. If it were up to me, I'd revise the name and call it "I can't find my sock, if it's your will, can you help me find it Lord?" Well, an acronym may be more fitting with that title.


My purpose for this blog is not to dwell on looking for your missing mate, but it is to encourage you as a single person as you serve the Lord. I am 31 years old and would love to be married and have a family. However, I am not desperate and know that I must cling to the Lord and His plan despite how I feel sometimes.

I want you to understand my point of view so that you don't think I am some wannabe nun but that my aim is to please the Lord. I think the Westminster Shorter Catechism is appropos to explaining our purpose in life:

"What is the chief end of man? Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever."

That means whatever I do 24/7, I must bring God glory. Easier said than done.

Here's my brief testimony: I have heard people describe me as a religious person but that is not really what I am. I go to church each week, pray and read the Bible daily but I do that to make my relationship with God stronger rather than the traditions of any particular church.
I once heard someone define religion as man's attempt to reach God. Many religions have set instructions and traditions in belonging to their practice. Some religions are more strict than others striving toward holiness by sacrificial acts and good deeds. So what's interesting is that man's journey to be good is measured by what he thinks is good and thus compares himself to others' deeds. His motives are wrong in serving God because he is looking for ways to be good and has an ulterior motive-reward. How does man know if it's enough to earn eternal life? How does he take care of himself when he sins? In essence, it becomes man's job to save himself based on the good he does.
However, Christianity has been described as God's attempt to reach man through His son Jesus Christ. Jesus, who is God and Man became that bridge between us and God. Jesus was perfect and without sin and acted as the punishment for our sins. So, whatever we do whether in good deeds or in serving God, it doesn't determine if we have eternal life. We are saved through faith not by works (as in good deeds) so we can't compare ourselves to others. God does the saving and will not take it away even if we sin-it's not conditional. There is nothing that we can do to save ourselves. We only do good works as evidence of our faith and it is pleasing to God.
You probably know people who claim to be religious or even have an attitude of superiority but their life doesn't demonstrate anything different than someone who doesn't claim to have a relationship with God. A true Christian walks the walk and not just talk the talk. I turned my life around at the age of four and have strived to live according to His ways though not perfectly-it's a daily discipline.

I am single woman and am the oldest of 10 kids. I have one sister and two brothers that are married and a nephew that I adore. I teach high school and have found that I can channel my love and maternal instinct through my students while I am waiting for my future husband.

My attitude has not always been one of thankfulness for my singleness, but as I have matured in the Lord, He has shown me how much I can do for Him instead of focusing on myself.

Philippians 1:27-Only conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or remain absent, I will hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel;