Occupying Disneyland

This weekend I went to Disneyland with 16 other family members including some of the nephews and nieces under age four. We ended up having a nice time but it was not without fatigue at the end of the day. I thought that going in February, on a non-holiday weekend, would be a great way to avoid the crowds. I was wrong. I also thought that going during a recession may keep some people at home and we'd have less lines. Wrong again. The day started off with getting in line and ended in line. Everywhere we went, we were in lines-to park, to the tram, to the security line, to the admission gate, to the rides, to the stores, to the concession stands, 9 a.m. to 9 p.m.-all day it was like this. Why in the world do they call it, "The Happiest Place on Earth"?!

The end of the night was the worst because Disneyland puts on a fireworks show and they close off certain areas of the park. You can't walk on the streets of Disneyland because Disneyland Occupy resides there. Disneyland Occupy is a large crowd of people (probably close to a million) who eagerly await the fireworks show (or the parades) and camp out until the big show begins-sans the tents. So, for those of us who enjoy the rides and shops, this is an absolute nightmare to get from one place to the other. If you decide to walk against the direction of the herded cattle, don't forget to bring your paper bag for the panic attack that may ensue. By the end of the night, when your feet and toes look like sausages, your neck aches from whiplash, you're thirsty and dodging one more stroller may put you over the edge, all you want to do is leave "The Happiest Place On Earth".

When I finally got into bed last night at the hotel, I mulled over the events of the day. I was praying and Disneyland was the last straw that broke my spiritual back. My heart was totally convicted and while I know this aspect of myself, I really hated it last night as I lay in bed. I am an impatient person.

In my head, I've thought of myself as a patient person-somewhat at least. When I started to delve on what it means to be patient, I realized that I need a lot of work in one particular area. I understand what it means to be long-suffering and I try to apply this to my heart. "Short-term suffering" is an area of weakness for me.

Yesterday, while riding Autopia (According to Disney's website:"Take the wheel and whirl around the tracks of Autopia, a fun-filled roadway where you can both be the driver of your own small car and get glimpses of things from the car's perspective!") with my two year old niece at the wheel (my legs were slightly longer for the accelerator), there were signs along the track that warned not to bump other cars. Well, at the end of the ride, while we patiently waited for the people in front of us to get out of their car, some junior high boy thought it would be funny to ram his car into ours. Of course I got whiplash as I caught Haddie from hitting the side of the car. Needless to say, I was perturbed. My sister and sister-in-law saw the whole thing happened and commented that I probably would not be very happy and would get a headache. As I got out of the car with Haddie, I heard him brag to his friend about ramming into my car and how funny it was, blah, blah, blah. Even though I did get a headache, I was struck with how predictable I am-even my family knew how I'd react. I definitely wasn't patient and in my mind, I wanted to know what parents raised this punk.

Later on, while standing in line just to get a drink (at least 20-30 minutes), I was with my roommate, Megan, and I said to her, "Why is it taking so long? How hard is it to get the order when everything is pre-made, my goodness, come on..." I wasn't trying to complain, I was definitely not happy with the situation and she said, "You need to be patient, you are not patient." After that, I started to ponder all of the situations in my life where "short- term suffering" was not ingrained in me.

I feel impatient when sitting in traffic every day. I feel impatient when I have to repeat myself to someone who wasn't listening or couldn't hear what I said. I feel impatient when someone is not working as quickly as they could to serve me-i.e. gas station, post office, grocery store-any place where there is a line.

I hate to admit it, but I sometimes live my life as though Burger King's motto, "Your Way, Right Away" is true for me. In my heart or aloud, I've grumbled because things aren't going exactly how I've planned. Harry L. Krauss Jr. says it this way in his book, "Domesticated Jesus":

"If I live my life according to the gospel, I won't hold any rights as absolute. Anything good that comes my way is a consequence of grace. Anything bad, well, I should be getting hell, so nothing quite compares with that. If I find myself angry and tempted to lash out, in essence I'm saying that I'm not as bad as I really am. I deserve the thing that's being denied to me. I'm downplaying my need for the cross and shaking a fist in the face of the One who died to save me."

As I laid in bed last night, I was moved to confessing my sinful heart to the Lord. I realized that it is not the end of the world if I don't get my way. It is not the end of the world if I don't get to bed on time. It is not the end of the world if I get home later. It is not the end of the world if I'm late or if I have to stand in the longest line in the world. These things are not a tragedy and my response should be one of patience.

Even though any type of long suffering is not enjoyable, I struggle more with the inconveniences of everyday life. It is far easier for me to acknowledge that God is sovereign when we suffer long term. I'm not sure why this is, but I know that God causes everything to happen for whenever and whatever He wants. He doesn't want me to respond with a heart of gold only when experiencing a long trial, but through every moment of the day.

So, another thing for me to work on spiritually. I'm looking forward to that one day where "I'll fly away O Glory"-I won't have any more struggles and I will be in the Happiest Place in the Universe-hands down.

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace-Ephesians 4:1-3

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,-Colossians 3:12

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant-

1 Corinthians 13:4

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law-

Galatians 5:22-23

And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all-

1 Thessalonians 5:14

“The times we find ourselves having to wait on others may be the perfect opportunities to train ourselves to wait on the Lord.” ~ Joni Eareckson Tada

“If I have not the patience of my Saviour with the souls who grow slowly; if I know little of travail (a sharp and painful thing) till Christ be fully formed in them, then I know nothing of Calvary love.” ~ Amy Carmichael

Wrinkles and Lines and Headaches-Oh My!

Do you ever look into the mirror and say, "Wow, I'm old"? Maybe this is happening more often as I see the wrinkles and lines that have taken up residence on my face. It makes me wonder what wrinkles are biological and which ones are from stress and anxiety.

I wouldn't file myself into the "Worry-er" genre but I definitely couldn't be in the "Trust in God Completely" genre either. I'm somewhere in between called, "Tension Headaches Due to Not Resting in God's Sovereignty".

My family and close friends know that headaches are kind of a way of life for me. I get headaches when I'm tired, if I'm congested, if my hormones are fluctuating, if I'm hungry, if I'm sore, if I'm hot and if I'm stressed. It's been this way since I was a kid and I don't know any different except that I'm not a huge fan of them. For some women, crying is the way their body handles changes or if they're stressed. I guess it's not unusual to have some kind of physical reaction to what life has in store for us. But is it necessary, can we avoid the physical reactions?

I think I would have less headaches if I trusted God completely. I know the truth about God, God is sovereign in everything and nothing happens without His hand being in it, so, why should I worry? The song "Why should I worry? Why should I care?" from the Disney movie, "Oliver and Company" automatically plays in my head-what else would you expect from a soundtrack junkie? Even though I wouldn't identify myself as a control freak, my behavior sometimes dictates that I need to have my hand-no, my little pinky involved in every aspect of my life. My behavior shows that I struggle with relinquishing control and relying on whatever God has ordained the outcome to be.

As I reflect on the last couple of weeks, I can see so many instances where trusting the Lord didn't come naturally and instead, worry was the comfort for me. I even noticed this week that I had gotten bogged down in the turmoil of this world. Being a Christian in this world is hard. We have a leader in our country who cares more about his ego being stroked rather than what is right and moral for the country. We have agenda after agenda being thrown in our face and not only that, we're told that tolerance is no longer the buzz word, it's affirmation- embrace the sin that reigns in this world. If I don't agree with you, I am hateful and judgmental. But, if you don't agree with me, that's your prerogative. It can be pretty discouraging.

I can have two responses when it comes to trusting the Lord with these things: 1) Truly trust Him, or, 2) Live in a bubble. Shielding myself from the things of this world is not only unrealistic, it's not pleasing to God because I am not reaching to those in need of a Savior. When I choose to live in this way, I am selfishly basking in comfort and not stretching myself to know the authenticity of trusting the Lord. So, I must choose door number one-trust Him, trust Him completely. This world is only temporary and while it sometimes feels that God is not doing his fair share (another buzz word) to protect us, I must dwell on the fact that He is ALWAYS at work. I must trust and dwell on the fact that God's plan is going just as He said it would.

Another area of concern was my finances and if I was graded on trusting the Lord, I would earn a D+, definitely not passing in my book. Last week, I was having a casual conversation with the pastor at my church and we were talking about the recession and the housing market. I told him that my home was sold to me for $265,000. and it is now worth $69,000. If I dwell on this, I have no equity in my home and I'm paying quadruple its value plus interest. Is this bothersome? YES. At this point though, I can't dwell on our economic recession and who knows if it will get better? (God knows) But this I know, I have been called to be wise with my finances, make good on my promise and finally, my home is really NOT my home-it's temporary and in the end, who cares? When I die, I'm going before the Lord without my possessions.

Recently, I was talking to a Christian student and she was telling me that she is analytical about everything and I thought, who isn't? How can you not be analytical in a world where information is absorbed by osmosis? And drumroll please, the next buzz word is, Over-analyze- (I have fond memories of watching Groucho Marx's Word of the Day on "You Bet Your Life" as a kid). In counseling or in talking to people or students, they'll say, "I tend to over-analyze things..." In fact, when my student said that she is analytical and thinks about everything, I asked her if what she was doing was pleasing to the Lord. For me, over-analyze is a euphemism for worry. This week in particular, there were a couple of incidents at school where I "over-analyzed" my response to the situations and instead of trusting the Lord that I responded in the right way, I worried. My over-analyzing caused great angst and my imagination blinded my ability to see truth. Oh how I could have had the peace that transcends all understanding and instead, I got a bad headache.

In all three examples where I should've rested in the Rock, I dabbled in worry. I chose to not dwell on the truths that I've learned, read, know and memorize. The truths where God is my hope, He is for me, who can be against me?, His courts are better for one day than a thousand elsewhere, He can turn the heart of the king like channels of water, He is the light of my salvation, He is my fortress, He is my refuge-how can anyone worry when these truths are ingrained in us? Argghh, I do the very things I do not want to do!

But God.

His mercies are new every morning. (Great is His faithfulness)

We do not lose heart because, although our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day!

And so, today is the day the Lord has made, I WILL rejoice and be glad in it. Whatever troubles may arise, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.

Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.-1 Corinthians 15:58

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you.

Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak, knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. - II Corinthians 4:7-18

For God alone my soul waits in silence;

from him comes my salvation.

He alone is my rock and my salvation,

my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.-Psalm 62:1-2

For a day in your courts is better

than a thousand elsewhere.

I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God

than dwell in the tents of wickedness.-Psalm 84:10

Never Say Never

One of the movies my siblings and I repeatedly watched as kids was "An American Tail" and one of my favorite lines in the movie was, "Never say never". I was probably intrigued with that line because you had to use the word "never" and it is a strong absolute. Just like "never", my mom hated when we used the word, "always" because we used it literally when we tattled on each other and it wasn't used truthfully.

Even though I would affectionately call my mom a grammar nazi (yes, she's my number one reader), she wasn't teaching us kids to be grammatically correct. She wanted us to use our words with care.

Last month, my school was in the news because a teacher had an inappropriate relationship with a student. It was, and still is devastating for the staff because we never expected this teacher to be involved- it's almost like grieving a death. Unfortunately, these incidents have increased all over the U.S. and it's hard not to be desensitized by them because they've become so pervasive. Yet, when it happened to our staff, it made an impact on me and not one day has gone by that I don't think about the teacher or her family.

The whole incident conjures up so many emotions for me: compassion, grief, love, anger and shock. For teachers at my school, some are upset because this has cast a pall on our school. Some are sad because they were friends with the teacher. Some are disgusted with her and want nothing to do with her.

Whenever a high profile criminal case comes on the news, the community or neighborhood is interviewed. It is not unusual for those friends and neighbors of convicted killers to say, "He was a cool and nice guy. We never expected something like this" and my reaction has been, "Yeah, right. Are you kidding, how could you miss this?". Well, when I found out about the incident at my school, I was in disbelief and couldn't imagine that happening with this teacher. She was well-liked, involved in extra curricular activities and was even a union representative.

As a Christian, I shouldn't be shocked because the Bible clearly states that our hearts are desperately wicked and our flesh has a natural bent towards sin. The pride in my heart shouldn't pretend that I only possess goodness and love. In fact, when these kind of incidents occur, we ought to go to the Lord and pray for the right heart before Him-not pray as the Pharisees and thank the Lord that I'm not like one of the "dirty" tax collectors.

When someone's wrongdoing is made public, it is a sobering reminder that I am capable of ANY sin. God obviously has given us the ability to choose right from wrong but all of us can fall prey to temptation. It's easy to judge when we don't struggle with the same sin as someone else and even go so far to say, "I would never do that". This teacher probably didn't ever intend for her relationship with her student to go as far as it did, but sin is like the boiling frog syndrome. Sin disguises itself as righteous, it makes itself comfortable and nests itself in our hearts and deadens any sensitivity to true righteousness.

Whenever someone commits a horrific crime or an atrocity that warrants prison, it's easy to say that they deserve to go to hell. The truth of the matter is that we've all fallen short of God's standards and we all deserve hell.

While I don't feel compelled to bail out this teacher, I feel compelled to either visit or write a letter of encouragement to her. I can't condone her actions but I can pray for her own heart. Does she have the assurance of God's grace? Does she know that when we come to Him with a contrite heart and choose to trust Him, He will pardon every transgression? Does she know that He is the God of all comfort and is the true definition of mercy, compassion and justice? My role in this is to impart these truths to her, her family and to those around me.

Even though this incident is grievous and devastating, I've been reminded to be wary of any pride in my heart and to remain vigilant that I am capable of the most heinous of sins even though I have a personal relationship with Christ.

Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins-Ecclesiastes 7:20

Who can say, “I have made my heart pure; I am clean from my sin”?-Proverbs 20:9

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us-I John 1:8

The LORD is merciful and gracious,

slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

He will not always chide,

nor will he keep his anger forever.

He does not deal with us according to our sins,

nor repay us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;

as far as the east is from the west,

so far does he remove our transgressions from us-Psalm 103:8-12

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress,

my God, in whom I trust.”- Psalm 91:1-2