My First Fryeday

I have the perfect job. I'm single and a high school teacher. The way I look at it is that God has given me the stage to live a Christian-filled life in front of teenagers. My life is on display whether they like to view it or not. I would never want to do anything that would be displeasing to Him or bring shame to His name. However, I am not perfect (though I very much would like to be) and I do find ways to hurt the Lord. Although it's not usually "first degree" sinning, I'm glad I didn't die yesterday because I know the way I acted before Him was pretty beastly-meeting Him face to face with sin on my plate is not exactly the way I want to go.

School started this week and went smoothly-nothing bad or unusual to report. I had prayed for a good night's sleep the night before the first day and I was able to fall asleep with ease. Adjusting to my schedule of getting up early, going to bed early, driving 62 miles roundtrip and working caught up with me and on Thursday, I took a nap after school.

Yesterday, I woke up for school feeling more rested but was easily irritated about any little thing. 1) I was angry about how I was physically looking and sick of working out hard and not seeing much change-that was what consumed my thoughts on the way to school. When I got to school, I sat down and just prayed for a heart that wouldn't focus on myself 2) After school, I was frustrated because I couldn't move the wet satin banner that my class painted without getting paint on myself, the carpet and smearing their names 3)It took me an hour to get to the gym from work because the traffic was horrendous and unexplainable "slow downs" were only to blame for the turtle time traffic 4)While working out on the recumbent bike, my TV didn't work. I tried another exercise bike and that TV didn't work. I pedaled away on my original bike annoyed trying to pray about my attitude 5)On my way home, I got cut off by a driver as I was changing lanes and hit almost every red light.

Needless to say, I was really annoyed with my circumstances yesterday. I allowed any little thing to bother me in a way that brought out the two year old in me. As I reflect on my atrocious behavior, I know that as a mature Christian, I can't seem to get rid of my two year old behavior. However, why should I relegate these little outbursts to just two year old behavior? The truth of the matter is that it's sinful behavior. Yesterday, I was acting like a sinner.

I know, I know, I am a sinner-I'm not in denial about that. I just wish my behavior reflected more maturity ALL of the time. I can sometimes see how God has worked in my life and I know that in the past, I'd go on a rant blaming the Lord for my daily demise. Yesterday though, in the midst of my outburst, I stopped and prayed for the Lord to help my attitude. I realized in the midst of the emotions that it's not about me and thought, "Wow, I'm so selfish."

While stuck in traffic, my pastor's sermon popped into my head (it kind of helped that I had just listened to it at work) and he said, "God is honored by the weakness of his people which demonstrates and amplifies the greatness of his power. He is most honored when His people are the most weakest so that he can be seen as the strongest." Pastor Kent Dresdow was speaking on Judges-you know, Gideon and his minuscule army? Through all of my inward grousing and outward moaning, God reminded me that in my weakness, He is strong. When I am struggling with something that I don't like or if it stirs up anger inside me, He wants me to rely on Him only for strength-not my circumstances, not my desires that are fleeting, not my status (single or married), He wants to be my rock, fortress, a bulwark that never fails.

God has me just where He wants me. What is my aim du jour? To bring Him glory forever and ever. I must do this in EVERYTHING. My life, my job, my ministry, my exercising-EVERYTHING. I may not enjoy all of the snafus of the day, but He is most honored when His people are most weak.

Last week, Mr. Dexter Frye, a beloved teacher of many years at my school, died unexpectedly in his home. Students were devastated and there were grief counselors during our staff development day for teachers to go and talk to if needed. I only knew of Mr. Frye because of his students' testimonies of him. Today, I went to his memorial and wished that I had known the man that these students adored. While I enjoyed the anecdotes about him, his quirks (he liked to wear turtlenecks all year long), his quotes, the fact that he had given his heart to Jesus at a young age, comforted me the most. While it is sad for us that Granada High School has lost a teacher, Mr. Frye gained perfection-free from the temptations of this world, free from the evil of this world and free from the heartbreaks of this world. Mr. Frye conducted his life in a manner worthy of the Gospel. Granada High School students and staff claim that he left a legacy.

As a teacher, especially one who is single and who can afford to dive into my students' lives, I hope that I can leave a legacy when I die, that I will be able to conduct my life in a manner worthy of the Gospel and that God will be able to say to me, "Well done, good and faithful servant". I am ever so grateful that the Lord doesn't expect perfection from His children, that He gives strength to the weak, grace to the undeserving and peace to the brokenhearted.

His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master-Matthew 25:23

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us-II Corinthians 4:7

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong-II Corinthians 12:10

He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength-Isaiah 40:29

But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself-Philippians 3:20

Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world.-Philippians 2:14-15

Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel-Philippians 1:27

The Full Armor of Me is Not Enough

I've always thought of myself as mentally tough and emotionally strong. I'm not sure why I've exuded this confidence but it's as if I'm constantly wearing a bulletproof vest around my heart. And it's not that I have a cold heart of stone, instead it's a quasi attitude of imperviousness-like nothing can bother me.

This week, I learned that if I am truly scared, I cry like a baby. The fear I experienced was not to be consoled by any "self pep talk" no matter how much I tried. There was no "mind over matter" in this situation. I had no one to physically cling to and had to rely on prayer, I dislike how I treat prayer-as if it's the last resort. I don't literally think it's the last resort because I pray all of the time. However, how many times have I said to someone, "All I can do is pray about it"?

Last Tuesday, I was flying home from Denver, Colorado. It usually takes a little over two hours to get home, no biggie. I don't mind flying if it's not too long-Colorado is an easy trip. Since I was flying Southwest, I checked in the usual 24 hours before to see if I was able to get "priority" seating. If you're lucky enough, you can get in the "A" line.

The "A" line means that you're going to be the first 60 to board the plane and you can most likely get whatever seat you prefer. Typically, I like to get seats in the front of the plane for a faster exit but I usually sacrifice an elbow or two because I am almost ALWAYS sitting in the middle of two people.

For this trip, I and my roommate were a little slow in checking in, about 10 minutes late and we each got a "B" seat. Okay, not bad as long as Megan had a window seat and enough room to stretch her legs. Well, once we reached our terminal, I insisted on eating our lunch in the food court because I was hungry and I thought we had enough time before our departure. I was wrong. Southwest decided that efficiency and being punctual was important on Tuesday and all "A", "B" and "C" lines had already boarded the plane-we were the stragglers, the slackers, the last few Hansel and Gretels to board. I apologized to Megan because I knew it was my fault for not boarding sooner and the fact that it was a full flight didn't help. I silently prayed for something and I saw an open window seat up ahead only to find that some little kid was occupying the seat. We pushed our way through the aisle only to see not only were we going to the back of the plane but no window seats were to be found. What the heck? Where are all of these people going and why are there so many kids on this flight? It seemed as if this was an orphanage field trip!

Megan and I found aisle seats but a few rows back from each other. I sat by some kid with his mom (I guess he wasn't an orphan) and she sat by a young married couple. When I looked back at Megan, I mouthed an apology for my negligence and tardiness in boarding the plane, got my book out, and we took off. Within the next half hour, I was ready to deplane because I had experienced the worst turbulence of my life. Yes, of my life.

During the first few minutes of turbulence, the "orphans" were "oohing and ahhing" as if it was a roller coaster. I was thinking, "Okay, enough. I'm done." However, it got worse. The plane made several abrupt dips, tipped side to side as if it was a balance and I looked around to see if anyone else was as scared as I was-it was just quiet-except for some giggling from the kids behind me. I looked back at Megan and mouthed that I was scared. Tears filled my eyes because it felt as if the turbulence was never going to end. I felt nauseous, my hands shook and I started to get a headache from bobbing up and down. I felt as if I couldn't take any more turbulence and kept crying and praying for it to end. I really don't know how long the turbulence lasted, but my nerves and emotions were shot for the rest of the day.

Looking back, I wonder the reasons for my extreme fear. Did I think I was going to crash? I do remember praying as I white-knuckled the arms of my seat, "Lord, I don't want to die right now". I think crashing was definitely possible in my mind and of course that would be scary. Maybe it was the possibility of suffering physically and emotionally should I live from the crash. Maybe it was the fear of the unknown-the fact that I didn't have control of the situation was very difficult to relinquish into the Father's hands. Whatever my fear, I definitely failed in trusting the Lord.

When I told the Lord that I didn't want to die just yet, I wondered about my heart. It came to my mind that I've made myself comfortable here on this earth and I'm not suffering enough to leave it willingly. A Christian who has been ill with cancer knows what it's like to desire a place other than "heaven on earth" because they've endured physical suffering. A Christian martyr knows that the earth is not to be embraced because they know what it's like to give it all for their faith and worship the Lord with all of their heart; they are ready to be rid of this earth because they've suffered emotionally and physically and heaven is their only refuge. I have been spoiled and I must remember that where I currently live is temporary and it's not to be treasured. While I'm not going to beg for suffering, I'm must try to not balk at the trials that the Lord does give me.

When I fear the unknown, it's not an irrational fear. It's very real, but it's one where I'm fighting for control. I never thought of myself as one who is a control freak but I definitely do have some tendencies towards wanting control. Over the years, I've learned that my way isn't always right and I don't have to demand my way in order to feel right with this world. God has taught me that His ways are best and when I submit to Him, I experience a peace that transcends all understanding. When I am stressed, I get frequent headaches and I know that if I just lay all of my fears, worries, anxieties-everything at His feet, He will take care of it all in His own way and timing and my body will relax.

Another thought came to mind when I was on this plane: pride. I sometimes pride myself (I'm not always aware of it) that I can do things by myself or that I can console myself or that I can "tough" it out. I have a talent for guarding myself from showing my emotions in the name of "being strong". While powerless on this plane, it would've have been nice to have a husband's hand to grab or Megan's hand to hold for that matter. However, it could've been on purpose that I was sitting near no one I knew and that the Lord wanted me to depend solely on Him and yet, I failed in doing just that.

What's wrong with me?? Did I forget that I was human? Sometimes, I forget that trusting the Lord doesn't mean I won't experience fear-I can't beat myself up for not having the perfect emotion in my attempt to trust Him. However, I know that resting in His sovereignty brings tranquility to my heart-there is no need to fret about the future when it comes to the ways of the Lord.

I've learned that no matter the situation, it's okay to be afraid and to cry-there's no need to put on my armor before the Lord or anyone. However, I still need to trust Him with whatever plans He has for my life because I can do all things through HIM, not me.


Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication-Ephesians 6:10-18

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths-Proverbs 3:5-6

Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!-Psalm 27:14

The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him-Lamentations 3:25

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you-Deuteronomy 31:6


Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the LORD!-Psalm 31:24


My Soul Finds Rest Psalm 62
Stuart Townend
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmx9p6vAL1g

My soul finds rest in God alone,
My Rock and my salvation,
A fortress strong against my foes,
And I will not be shaken.
Though lips may bless and hearts may curse,
And lies like arrows pierce me,
I’ll fix my heart on righteousness,
I’ll look to Him who hears me.
O praise Him, hallelujah, My Delight and my Reward;
Everlasting, never failing, My Redeemer, my God.
Find rest, my soul, in God alone
Amid the world’s temptations;
When evil seeks to take a hold I’ll cling to my salvation.
Though riches come and riches go,
Don’t set your heart upon them;
The fields of hope in which I sow Are harvested in heaven.
O praise Him, hallelujah, My Delight and my Reward;
Everlasting, never failing, My Redeemer, my God.
I’ll set my gaze on God alone, And trust in Him completely;
With every day pour out my soul, And He will prove His mercy.
Though life is but a fleeting breath, A sigh too brief to measure,
My King has crushed the curse of death And I am His forever.

Put up Your Dukes!

Summer is winding down for teachers and this week I started to reflect on the ways God has blessed me this summer. As soon as I focused on His blessings, the other side of me thought something like this: Don't get used to it, the other shoe will drop.

What does this say about me? Either I'm a pessimist, I only find joy in my circumstances or I am a greed monger. No matter what category I fall in, it reflects a heart of ungratefulness and distrust.

This week, my school district officially rescinded my pink slip and I was offered a teaching job. Of course I was thrilled, but I couldn't help but wonder, "So, what is my next trial going to be?" I should be ashamed. How long have I known God? Sometimes, I treat Him as if He is going to strike me as soon as He blesses me. Or, sometimes I treat Him as if I don't know Him or His attributes.

When I have thoughts of doubt or dread, I am convicted because I know the truth about the ways of the Lord. I am reminded that God is continually at work in me because He brings conviction to my heart-this is evidence of His faithfulness.

I have to rest in God's ways rather than allowing my head to go elsewhere. The last couple of years I've come to find peace rather than resistance towards God's sovereignty. If something didn't go exactly my way, I would become angry (although I never would go so far as admit anger) and complain. Looking back, complaining was my way of coping with whatever God's curve ball.

Thank the Lord that He changes people and gives us more than one chance to grow spiritually! I realized (through Him), that I was finding joy in my circumstances rather than having eternal joy. Eternal joy is constant despite the bumps in the road that we drive through each day.

This week, my friend and I were going whitewater rafting early in the morning. When I went to meet her in the morning, she never showed up. I couldn't believe that she'd actually oversleep through this expensive trip. Was I annoyed? A little bit. However, I immediately realized that God is sovereign in everything despite how insignificant it seems. He knew that we wouldn't be rafting that morning, that she wouldn't hear her alarm clock and that I'd have a horrible night sleep the previous night-I could've slept in! Whatever His reasons, I decided that if I embraced His sovereignty, I'd have peace rather than anger. By the way, nothing was lost (except sleep on my part) and we were able to go rafting in the afternoon. If this would've happened in the past, griping would've been my catharsis and then an apology to the Lord.

So, as I find thankfulness in all of His blessings, I need to take off my gloves and stop putting up my dukes when that next trial comes. As James 1:2 tells me, I must consider it all joy when I face trials. Fighting God is a losing battle because His ways will always prevail. I can wrestle with His ways or find rest and trust that He is perfect and omniscient. I know that I will face another trial but it cannot take away from finding joy in what He has given me. I cannot live with the expectation that the other shoe will drop-I mustn't.


But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one-II Thessalonians 3:3

He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it-I Thessalonians 5:24

For the word of the Lord is upright,
and all his work is done in faithfulness.
He loves righteousness and justice;
the earth is full of the steadfast love of the Lord-Psalm 33:4-5

The Lord brings the counsel of the nations to nothing;
he frustrates the plans of the peoples.
The counsel of the Lord stands forever,
the plans of his heart to all generations-Psalm 33:10-11

For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations-Psalm 100:5


You Have Been Good
by Twila Paris

Oh Lord, You have been good
You have been faithful to all generations
Oh Lord, Your steadfast love
and tender mercy have been our salvation
For by Your hand we have been fed
And by Your Spirit we have been led
Oh Lord
For by Your hand we have been fed
And by Your Spirit we have been led
Oh Lord, Almighty God
Father Unchanging, Upright and Holy
Oh Lord, You have been good
You have been good
You have been faithful, You have been good

Happy Birthday Lucy!

Sometimes, when I'm sitting in rush hour traffic, it is easy to complain or get antsy. However, my sister, mother of four children under the age of four said to me, "Oh, I wouldn't ever mind sitting in traffic if I was in the car alone." In response, I thought, "That's because you don't drive in rush traffic every day like I do and you don't know what it's like." On the other hand, I remind her that I wouldn't mind having children and a husband who worships me.

I've often wondered what it would be like to be a different person-like be in someone else's body, be in their mind but at the same time have the wherewithal to know I'm literally living through them. If you've seen the movie, "Being John Malkovich", you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

This week, I've had two people imply that they wouldn't mind switching places with me. What's so special about me? Nothing. It's my status as a single person that attracts some married women because they want to live a day in my shoes. They equate singleness with freedom. Ironically, it's the married person's life that attracts me because it equates someone caring about, treasuring and loving me. Wanting to be someone else or trading places is not innocuous as it sounds, but in fact is spiritually dangerous because it can spawn an ungrateful heart.

When I reflect on my single life in my 20s, I think of all of the times I dwelled on the desire to be married. I was so sensitive that I easily burst into tears when anyone mentioned marriage, children or if I observed couples at church holding hands. Oh how I just wanted to be married! I was so desperate that I'd probably sell my soul if I could---okay, that's a bit dramatic I know.

As I've become older, I've mellowed out when the subject of marriage comes up and I think one of the reasons is that I'm not afraid to be alone anymore. Also, I'm not afraid of not having children- it probably helps that I am in love with my nephews and nieces and they fill that void. Most of all, I've come to grips with the Lord's sovereignty in everything and the value of being satisfied in Him alone.

Since it is Lucille Ball's 100th birthday today, I am reminded of the episode where she and Ethel decide to get a job to prove to their husbands that keeping a job and providing for the family is a cinch. Fred and Ricky decide to stay home and become "househusbands" to prove to their wives that staying home is easier than keeping a job. Both the men and women fail in their switched roles because they weren't fit for the job. Even though the show is fictitious, it demonstrates that we (as people) are successful when we stick to what we were made to do. Also, God has us in the perfect place despite what we think or how we feel.

It is so easy to fall prey to becoming sour because the Lord has us in a place where we don't want to be or He has not given us what we think should be rightfully ours. I know for myself that I've become spoiled and my expectations exceed what I actually deserve before a holy God. Not only has He saved this sinner with his immeasurable grace but He has bestowed upon me with blessing after blessing-what right do I have to complain if I am stuck in traffic, don't have the perfect amount of money, have a bad day when things aren't going my way, when I have to work, when I don't have a job, etc.??! Since when was it acceptable to develop a sense of entitlement with the Lord and an attitude of "It's my way or the highway, Lord"??

Before this perfect, spotless, Lamb of God, King of Kings, Creator, Redeemer, Counselor, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace, Maker, I must cease being ungrateful. I must embrace thanksgiving and face the fact that without Him, I was on Death Row.

So, whether you're single or married, you must find satisfaction in Him alone otherwise, there is a temptation to play the harlot to your bitterness. The next time I consider switching places with my sister or desire something that is not of His will at the moment, I hope that I can remember that dissatisfaction in my heart is equivalent to ungratefulness which leads to complaining and to cater to those feelings is sin-"impure and simple".

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you-I Thessalonians 5:18

Thanks be to God for his inexpressible gift!-II Corinthians 9:15

And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses-Colossians 2:13

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen-Ephesians 3:20-21

As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God-Psalm 42:1