Sunday, September 16, 2012

My Last Words

The anniversary of September 11 is sobering and the footage is surreal. Because I was sick on September 11 this year, I didn't spend much time watching anything commemorating it. However, this weekend, I found a documentary on the voicemails left by the victims in the World Trade Center towers. These voicemails  conveyed messages of panic or comfort to the person that they were calling. Some of the victims would tell their husband, wife, mom, dad, brother or sister that they loved them and that they would call later. Or, they would tell them they wanted them to know that they loved them always. These were pretty much their last words.

This got me thinking, "what would my last words be here on earth if I knew that death was possibly imminent?" Would I be calm? Would I be panicked? What would I do?

Every morning, on my way to work, I do a variety of things to keep myself entertained while in traffic. I usually listen to talk radio and the news. Even though I read the news every morning, I still like to listen to the  political discussions. As much as I listen to the banter of politicians, I listen to stay informed. However, lately I've been taking too much of the happenings of this world to heart-to the point of worry.

Maybe worry is too strong of a word to describe what goes on inside my heart-I like, "fret" better. The other morning, in light of American ambassadors being attacked and the snubbing of Israel's prime minister, I had to turn the radio off. I instead listened to my choir music. 

If I really dwell on it, I am fearful of what holds for the future. Not because I'm single, but mainly because I'm afraid of suffering. I think I am fearful because biblically, I know the world is going to get worse than what it is now, it's not going to get better. And frankly, I don't want to be a part of the world when it's at its worse. I am afraid.

I want to say that it is coincidental that all these thoughts and events have caused me to start thinking about this stuff, but my faith is mature enough to know that God is sovereign and coincidences don't truly exist. It's not coincidental that I've been reading Acts to see that Paul, Peter, Stephen and other apostles considered it a privilege to die for the sake of Christ. It isn't a coincidence that 9/11 happened. It isn't a coincidence that America is only a quasi ally to Israel. It isn't a coincidence that our ambassadors were killed or attacked last week.

So, if I know this, why am I so grieved and fearful? Why is it that I can't embrace the suffering that is and will continue to occur in my lifetime? Have I been dealing with what is now commonly coined as "first world" problems? I started a book by John Piper and Justin Taylor called "Suffering and the Sovereignty of God" and there's a sentence that talks to the readers and how you may be heading into a time of suffering totally unprepared. Yikes!

The authors' "warning" to their readers made me uncomfortable.  I had to in my head say, "first let me put on my catcher's mitt and buffer this next trial that is coming at me" and then breathe a sigh of relief.

And then two huge flaws popped out like mushrooms poking through the ground:
1) Being comfortable
I know that I am a creature of habit and I enjoy being comfortable. I buy my shoes according to how they feel. I wear "comfy" clothes on the weekend. I crank up the air when I am hot.
2) Expecting the worst
I sometimes live life in a way where I am looking for the next punch or to be more consistent with the above example, waiting for the next ball to hit my face (which it did in high school and I had braces too, but that's a story for another time).

As I think about these things, I have to pinch myself or perhaps slap my face and remind myself that I am a Christian. The fretting and the fear is not from the Lord and I am not living like I am a person with hope. I am not clinging to His truths or comfort. I am not even putting on a smattering of the Armor of God.


Where is that attitude of Queen Esther (I like Hadassah better, but I'm a little biased because that's my oldest niece's name), "if I perish, I perish"?? And why fret about dying when you will finally meet the famous One?!! 

Christopher Love was a protestant preacher in the 1600s and was martyred for his faith. While he awaited
execution, he wrote a letter to comfort his wife. At the end of his letter, he wrote: "My dear, I bid thee to be satisfied. My heart is greatly comforted in God. I can quietly submit to the good pleasure of His will, and I hope thou dost so also. I am delivered by the determinate counsel of God; the will of the Lord be done. Read for thy comfort when I am dead and gone, Jeremiah 49:11 and the beginning of 12; Isaiah 9:6-8; Psalm 5:6 and 146:9; II Corinthians 4:17-18 and Hebrews 12:6-7"*


 I know that sooner or later, we as Americans will face persecution like some of our Christian counterparts that are in Egypt, Libya, Yemen, China, etc. Will I be afraid? Yes. But as a Christian, I hope my last words will be of comfort to someone. I hope that my heart will remain peaceful. I hope that I will stand firm on God's promises and that I will be proud to suffer for the sake of Jesus Christ.

He changes times and seasons; he removes kings and sets up kings; he gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding;-Daniel 2:21


Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak-Ephesians 6:10-20 


Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing-James 1:2-4


Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name-Acts 5:41 






Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen-Hebrews 13:20-21 



*http://www.lookupfellowship.com/2012/04/last-words-of-christopher-love.html