Honk if You Love Jesus

Last week, I posted about my official status as a California teacher. What an exciting moment and reason to celebrate. However, I was reminded last week that this accomplishment is fleeting. Having children, gaining success, reaching the highest rung on the corporate ladder, acquiring vast sums of wealth, getting accepted into a prestigious school, etc. is not the apotheosis of life. Getting married is not the end all and be all. (Try reminding that to the loneliest of single people)

Yesterday, we sang a song in choir, it's called, "Til They Rest in You"* and it refers to people searching and ignoring the discontent inside their hearts. They try to fill that void but nothing satisfies. All of their pursuits and worldly treasures lead to dead ends-quite literally too.

As Christians, our joy is found in Jesus. While this sounds foreign and weird to the average Joe, it is the absolute hallmark of our faith. Without Jesus, the Cross, God's perfect love and compassion and His desire to have a relationship with us, there is no foundation or standard for which Christians must live their lives. And while it may sound hokey to say, we only need Jesus, it is absolutely true. Jesus is not just a figure in history, He is the son of God. He is the perfect Lamb that took my guilt upon His shoulders and died on the cross as the sacrifice. Knowing that without some kind of substitute for my sins, I wouldn't be able to have a relationship with God-He is holy and cannot be defiled.

I know people have all kinds of bumper stickers with Christian messages on them, but sometimes I think they make Jesus sound so trivial as if He's this "Don't Worry, Be Happy" kind of guy. He has been portrayed as this all-accepting, Kumbaya, caricature who is only concerned with getting your zen on-wait, wrong religion. I don't think it's too far-fetched to picture Him as a comic book character. Jesus is that guy with the long hair, (in my imagination, he looks like a character in Doonesbury with a cigarette between two fingers), wearing sandals, long robe with a rope belt of course and with a speech bubble that says, "Hey man, just believe in me, follow me and your worries will go away. Peace out."

The message of the Gospel has become a feel-good story and one that meets our psychological needs. It is almost as if Jesus is this magic lamp that you rub to bring about prosperity, self-esteem and happiness.

No wonder, it's laughable when you hear someone sing the hymn, "I Must Tell Jesus" or the praise song, "Shine, Jesus Shine". Really, you're going to tell Jesus all of your problems because He is a kind, compassionate friend? If you're not a Christian, it's so easy to have such a cynicism about Christianity.

However, when you are a true Christian, only do you begin to understand who the true Jesus is. Jesus is not this wimpy doormat in whom you can find rest and love. When you have Jesus in your life, you realize that you are not impervious to life's daily problems. When you have Jesus, you do not have a shield to protect you from accidents or disease. When you have Jesus, you are not immune to being the victim of someone else's sin. And, when you have Jesus, you are not always employed.

When you have Jesus, you WILL suffer here on earth. The degree to which you suffer varies, but it is a guarantee that you will suffer.

November 2 will mark the 10th anniversary of my 20 year old cousin's death. When he was in his late teens, he was diagnosed with a rare type of bone cancer that affected mostly men. He was attending college, acting in plays and enjoyed working as an extra for various TV productions. Addison was just a fun, gregarious, kid who brought great joy to his parents and younger four siblings. I remember when we first heard the news that Addison had been diagnosed with cancer-we were devastated and of course, his death was almost unbearable.

However, when you have Jesus and you know Him, you realize that He was the ultimate Sufferer. He understands EVERY pain and every type of trial you're going through. You don't need a psychologist to unzip your heart and deal with the layers and layers of suffering. With Jesus, you don't need to dwell on the past because He knows it already. He wants you to rely on Him. Just like the woman at the well, He wants you to follow Him, no holds barred.

When you have Jesus, you know that when you face a trial or experience the worst kind of suffering, He will never leave you or forsake you. He will be by your side. Your heart will find joy in the midst of those hard times and you will find peace when you trust Him.

As a Christian, I strive to trust Jesus each day and I know that I oftentimes fail because I try to "buck up" or rely on my own means. Or, sometimes, I find my satisfaction in other things-things that are temporal and not an eternal investment. John Piper put it best, "God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him."

I know that when I focus on joys of my circumstances, I am focusing on what I've done. I don't always attribute those achievements as being from the Lord. The difference between a Christian and a non-Christian when it comes to success is acknowledging that it is God who is the origin of all accomplishments. "The good news of Jesus is not intended to make us feel good about ourselves. Instead, the good news humbles us." (Welch) Without Jesus, I am nothing. With Jesus, I am nothing. We are called to humility and serve the most high God!

So, while my official status of becoming a real teacher is pretty cool, the joys will fade just as when I bought my new car last year. These things on earth are temporal, but the joy of the Lord lasts a lifetime and His work on the cross will never diminish-even in the midst of suffering.

The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever-Isaiah 40:8

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin-Hebrews 4:15

For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God-II Corinthians 5:21

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end-Ecclesiastes 3:11

He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
He determines the number of the stars;
he gives to all of them their names.
Great is our Lord, and abundant in power;
his understanding is beyond measure.
The Lord lifts up the humble;
he casts the wicked to the ground-Psalm 147:3-6

Welch, Edward (1997). When People Are Big and God is Small. P&P Publishing.

*‘Til They Rest in You
Comes an honest moment when
Each heart looks inside,
Finding nothing here on earth
Truly satisfies.
Some choose to ignore the ache,
Some confess it’s true.
God, our hearts will have no peace
‘Til they rest in You.

We yearn, we thirst,
We stumble in the dark, discontent,
For You’ve set eternity within each heart.

Ev’ry pleasure, ev’ry thrill,
Never is enough.
Ev’ry trophy, even gold,
Simply turns to dust.
Most still search to find real joy,
Yet they never do.
God, our hearts will have no peace
‘Til they rest in You.

We yearn, we thirst,
We stumble in the dark, discontent,
For You’ve set eternity within each heart.

Thank You for my desp’rate days,
Feeling incomplete.
Thank You for Your loving ways,
Leading me to see
Jesus, You are all I need,
Nothing else will do.
God, our hearts will have no peace
‘Til they rest in You.

Ninth Time's A Charm?

I love the movie, "Sound of Music". The main character Maria longed to live in the abbey but it turns out that the quiet life of a nun doesn't fit her vibrant personality. Mother Superior asks her to leave the convent to become a governess to seven children. As Maria gets on a bus with all of her belongings, she says, "When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window." After almost 10 years of teaching American Sign Language, I've often wondered if I was meant for this job.

When I was offered a job to teach ASL in 2002, I needed to take more classes so that I could go on and teach the other levels adeptly. When I went to college, I majored in liberal studies to teach elementary school students. I took some ASL classes because I was really interested in learning the language. Never in my wildest dreams would I be teaching high school, let alone ASL!

When you teach, you need a credential which is a year program through a university along with student teaching. When I started teaching ASL, a credential for ASL didn't exist and no one (the teaching commission or the district) knew what to do with us teachers. Some teachers had credentials in other subjects and were able to get an authorization to teach ASL because they took ASL in college. For me, I didn't have a credential and was stuck in a unique predicament-how could I continue to teach ASL and which credential did I need? So, for three years, my school district applied for one-year waivers until a credential was created for ASL.

Finally, in November 2005, the teacher entrance test for ASL was first administered. Once you passed this test, you can enter a credential program. The first time I took it, I passed one of the three subtests. The second time, I passed another subtest. I had one more subtest to pass and I was good to go. The hardest part about this test was that there was nothing to study other than the Mississippi River of a list of sources the test creators used to make the test. Additionally, this subject test was only offered twice a year while the other subject tests were offered three or four times each year.

By 2009, I still couldn't pass Subtest III. This test was NOT representative of a teacher entrance exam, rather it would probably suffice for a doctorate program. The test also contained some flaws. Most teachers that took the test attested to the fact that the signers signed at lightning speed, the angles were atrocious on the video, and some of the scoring on the test was subjective. After much research on my part, there was only a 27% passing rate. You would think that after a letter to the governor, state superintendent, state representative, California Commission on Teacher Credentialing, Pearson (testing company), the owner of Pearson and teacher representative of the district, someone would be able to come to my aid. However, everyone washed their hands of the situation and refused to make the appropriate changes to the test.

At the end of every school year (except one year), I was given a pink slip because of the budget crisis. While my principals loved having me at their school, re-hiring was difficult because I wasn't fully credentialed due to the subtest that I couldn't pass. I started to wonder if teaching in this subject was where God wanted me. Was this open door just leading to an elevator shaft?

I love what I do, but maybe it wasn't God's will for me to continue in this subject or did He just want me to persevere in facing this trial? Each time I received my failed test results in the mail, I couldn't help but think as I read the results through tears that maybe God wanted to get me out of this subject. I really wanted to pass that test and I was hoping that the Commission would improve it so that teachers could pass it. However, the Commission never changed it and after December 2010, I gave up on passing it.

In the winter of 2010, I decided to get my credential in a different subject, apply for an authorization to teach ASL just like those other teachers did in 2002 when a credential for ASL didn't exist. I had to not only study a different subject, I had to take additional classes, do more work, pay more money and take a different test.

I was going to use the words, "Fast Forward", but now that we're in the DVD/CD age, it is more apropos to say, "Skip" to this week in 2011. Something unthinkable happened to me four days ago: The California Commission on Teacher Credentialing recognized me as an official American Sign Language teacher. I was so excited when I found out the news and felt relieved. For the first time in almost ten years, I will be tenured. Like Pinocchio, I was finally real-not a boy but a real teacher! I felt like doing a jig and singing:
I’ve got no strings
To hold me down
To make me fret
Or make me frown
I had strings
But now I’m free
There are no strings on me
I just can't believe that I can finally end this chapter in my life.

Looking back, I experienced many sleepless nights, paid close to $1000. for testing and re-testing, $1500. for the extra credential classes, spent countless hours doing research on the computer, made multiple phone calls to different authorities in the State, wrote letters, took the test nine times, taught with a lower salary than most because I couldn't earn what a credentialed teacher earned and spent precious time doing what I could to keep my job. I was able to handle this better than the roller coaster of emotions I felt throughout the years as I taught.

I fought discouragement, discontentment, tears, anger and my confidence in my abilities was almost nil. I questioned God and sometimes, I questioned the point of salvation because I wondered if it was really necessary to follow Him. However, when I submitted myself to the authority of His will, I was able to truly trust Him in EVERY situation. I realized that God wasn't abandoning me, He was providing my every need. As the years went by, I wasn't devastated by the outcome because God had proved to me that He was going to take care of things in His own way. I finally got it in my thick skull that God's hand was and is intricately involved in EVERY aspect of this career and in my life.

Whatever happens in my life is a result of Him sovereignly ordaining it and my response should be one that is pleasing to Him. Although my credential woes are over, I know that God will bring other trials into my life. I admit, I'm a little bit nervous because trials are neither fun nor easy. But God, right? With Him, I CAN face those trials no matter how debilitating because Christ was able to endure the Cross. Jesus entrusted himself to the Father and God was with Him through it all. I have the same hope that no matter what, God too will be with me through it all.

I know that going through trials is never fun and it certainly tests your trust in Him. However, if it weren't for my trials, I would never be able to trust and know that God could solve them. Even though there was a lot of time used, exorbitant amounts of money spent and many tears in the last ten years, I am thankful for God displaying some of His wonderful attributes-His creative ways, love, compassion and His sovereignty have become real to me. Don't tell me God is good when the circumstances are good, He is good all of the time!

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it-I Corinthians 10:13

The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will-Proverbs 21:1

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you-Isaiah 43:2

It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed-Deuteronomy 31:8

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him-James 1:12

But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips-Job 2:10

I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the LORD, who does all these things-Isaiah 45:7

I've Got the Joy, Joy, Joy Down in My Heart...I Do? Where?

I don't know if anyone thinks in the same way that I do, but I saw a news headline with a picture of Cher and her now son, Chaz. While this post is not about sex reassignment surgery, (it sounds so benign with that title) I found it interesting that in these days, we can change anything we want on our body. We have the cochlear implant so that the deaf can hear. We can change the color of our hair or our eyes (with contact lens), we can get a facelift, we can cut away fat or "suck" it off with a hose, we can take an organ and place it in a new owner's body and if needed, we can do a whole face transplant. It is truly amazing what we are capable of doing. And while we can do these amazing things, we can't stop the passage of time nor enter an earlier era. I'm not sure what is stopping us from doing this as Americans when we base so much of our ideals on feelings. For instance, most of us feel young inside, why couldn't we just pay a fee, fill out a form, state why we think we're really age 22 and then turn it in at the DMV?

Many times, I've kiddingly said that I think I was born in the wrong era or generation. For one thing, "Marilyn Monroe Hips" was the craze, who wanted to be skinny and have a sporty body back then? Also, when I was younger, my dad always said that I was born a 40 year old (sadly, it should probably pushed up to 60 as I have six more years in my 30s) because I was old at heart and I love older people. However, the real reason that I was simply born in the wrong era is that there is a shortage of men my age. I was thinking this as I drove home alone from choir the other night, probably prompted because I was feeling a bit lonely.

By now you know that I am a counselor at my church and when I have feelings of doubt, loneliness or if I cater to my emotions, I really become ashamed of myself for even giving it much thought. I know that I'm not impervious to emotions, trials, suffering, pain, etc. but I also have this other side of me that says, "You're a Christian. You're to have joy, what kind of counselor are you to kowtow to these feelings? You're such a hypocrite for even entertaining such thoughts. You're not supposed to be this way." But, before I succumb to total despair, the huge flag of reality is waving in my peripheral vision, almost shouting out: "Hey you. You're a Christian. You're a human being. You're NOT made of steel. God made you with emotions. If it weren't for the fall of man, you'd have all your desires and needs met but you don't-so yeah, you're gonna feel disappointed at times." And then I start thinking about the godly examples set before us that are presented in His Word.

While there are some that call me a Bible thumper in a derogatory way, I take it as a compliment because they see me as the "real deal". I am not here to just spew out Scripture, I am constantly trying to apply it to my life. Because of David and other examples, I can tarry in my trials as long as the Lord needs me to. I can continue in my suffering without it being relieved because the Lord has given me the strength to do so. His grace is sufficient for me.

Yes, His grace is sufficient for me. How does one come to terms with this? It's a total heart transformation. The idols in my heart must be replaced because I can or will become what I worship. G.K. Beale said, "We resemble what we revere, either for ruin or restoration." Idol worship may at first seem innocuous, but it's actually dangerous because of the downward spiral that ensues. If I think, "Oh, if only I was married, that would be the ultimate and I would just be happy." This is not where God wants our hearts. He wants us to fully worship Him. He wants to be our ultimate, not compared with a desire or idol because He is holy, set apart. He is the incomparable God! We must be careful not to take this lightly because God will eventually render us futile instead of growing us in His image.

As Christians, we want to be molded by the Potter and not the other way around. Our hearts must aim to please Him-not ourselves. If we get to the point where the desires of my heart overtake my goal in pleasing Him, I will carry out sinful patterns in my behavior in my speech, actions and thinking. If I continue sinning, I will have anxiety, distress, shame, sorrow, or despair and God will need to humble me.

I don't want to ever get to this point. I want to have a heart that is moldable and one that will bring only Him glory. I must interpret life through the grid of His Word, truth and promises. This can only be done when we submit to Him, resist the devil or temptation to sin, draw near to God and repent. When we do this, our behavior will result in righteous actions, thinking and speech and we will experience joy, peace, blessedness, etc. When my heart is right, I can see the goodness of God-I am no longer blinded by my sin and idols. Investing in the things of the Lord is so much greater than investing in the things of the world or catering to the idols of my heart because His way is eternal.

I know that whatever I struggle with, God's way must always reign supreme. I must focus on Him. He is the only one who can change the heart. Transformation is the Lord's job and His timing is perfect no matter when I was born. His transformation is internal and eternal. It doesn't take Him six hours to change someone's gender in a surgery, He doesn't need a tube of hair color and time to process it, He doesn't need a bionic ear, heck, He can just make you hear! No one can ever come close to matching His power. America has nothing on this omnipotent God and praise God for that! This is the incomparable God we're worshipping!

Whom have I in heaven but you?And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail,but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever-Psalm 73:25-26

Who is like you, O Lord, among the gods?Who is like you, majestic in holiness,awesome in glorious deeds, doing wonders?-Exodus 15:11

The Lord is my strength and my song,and he has become my salvation;this is my God, and I will praise him,my father’s God, and I will exalt him-Exodus 15:2

Turn to me and be saved, all the ends of the earth! For I am God, and there is no other-Isaiah 45:22

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.-Ezekiel 36:26-27

And one called to another and said: “Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory!"-Isaiah 6:3

A Balancing Act

Last week, I got my hair highlighted by a friend. I've known her for a long time because my uncle married her sister. Also, she and I went to beauty school together and I went to her wedding. After she did my hair last week, I wrote her a check and I thought I had tipped her fairly well. A couple of days later, she texted me: I just looked at the check you gave me. Did you know that I got married 13 years ago?
I wrote her back: Happy anniversary!
Her response: You filled out the check with my maiden name.
It was funny because I thought she was appreciative of the tip I gave her and I still hadn't understood what she was talking about until her last text! This shows you how tired I've been.

This week I went to the annual NANC conference. It's not short for my friend "Nancy", it stands for National Association of Nouthetic Counseling. Nouthetic comes from the Greek word, to admonish or warn. In other words, NANC is biblical counseling, not to be confused with Christian counseling. Christian counseling is a hybrid of psychology and the Bible and biblical counseling is based on Scripture. NANC is a three day conference with plenary sessions and individual workshops with topics that pertain to counseling. When I choose my workshops, my counselee's issues are in the forefront of my mind and I try to glean whatever wisdom I can so that I can impart it to my counselee.

One of the workshops I attended was called, "Balancing Work and Worship" and I wanted to attend to hear the speaker's point of view on this subject. I wasn't aware that it was geared toward women (it wasn't advertised as being gender-specific) until I noticed that all of the attendees were women. I'm assuming that women were drawn to this topic because they wear many hats-mother, work, church, wife, housekeeper, etc. Additionally, I think many women yearn for balance in all of these areas.

Just like the mom, the woman who works outside the home and the single woman employee, we must all have our priorities straight according to God's standards. We must worship God and not our work. It is easily to get caught up in taking care of everything else but we often times neglect worshipping the One who saved us. While I don't struggle in this area, some women find their identity in their business card or educational accomplishments rather than in Christ.

Whether the woman works inside or outside the home, single or married, she is to bring priority to her household. If a single or married woman works outside of the home, it is more convenient to put your household on the back burner. For me, I struggle in making my household a priority because I am super busy. While I'd love to vacuum more than once during the week, I find it difficult to balance everything else AND get the rest I need. And yet, if you study Proverbs 31, you'll find that great emphasis is for the woman to tend to the needs of her family and home.

As a single person, we are expected to be involved in ministry more than the married person because we can devote more time to Him. While there is a need for rest, I want to make sure I have my priorities straight and not be prodigal with the time the Lord has given me. I love how Venessa Ellen* put it: Time management is ultimately stewardship. Stewardship is managing what God has given us for the purpose of glorifying Him.

In the church, there are many women and men who are not involved in any ministry while there are some who are involved in many ministries. I would categorize myself as the latter. I am involved in two regular ministries and two that are part time or on an as-needed basis. I am not commending myself for the time and work I commit to these ministries but it begs the question, am I doing too much?

I know that this fall is extremely busy and it's going to be this way for a short season, but I know that I should re-evaluate all of my commitments. In the past, I've felt guilty for wanting to shrink my schedule and I've even felt selfish for wanting to rest instead of helping out someone in need. I've come to realize that I serve better when I'm totally useful and well-rested. While I'm called to serve, I am not called to dabble in everything. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE all of the ministries I am involved in, my job, my family and all of the stuff in between, but I know I should limit some of my involvement somewhere. As Venessa Ellen says, "Bloom where you are planted-not everywhere there is a plant"

For you married women, your household is your first priority whether you work outside of the home or you work inside the home. You are a help meet for your husband, the provider. Just as Adam was the keeper of his garden and Eve was his suitable helper, you too are supposed to help your husband tend to the "garden". I know with all of the hustle and bustle of the day's problems, work and chores, it is easy to lose sight of our role as women. We tend to become weary day in and day out but we must remember, God's called you to be faithful to your home-you have a purpose, your identity is in Him. He's using you to encourage your husband and your life is an example for your children that Christ richly has blessed you in your life. So, serve with joy!

An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
she opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
"Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates-Proverbs 31:10-31

*Venessa Ellen was a workshop speaker at NANC this year

Slaving Away

Today, my roommate and I cooked for a friend's wedding. We planned the menu, shopped for the food, cooked the meal and served it at the reception. I even wore black pants and a white shirt to make myself look the professional caterer part. If you know me, I'm not a caterer. I'm not a chef. I'm not a wedding planner. I just enjoy cooking.

I grew up with sports all around me in my family. If you cut my family with a surgical knife, I wouldn't be surprised if the color of their blood was green and yellow (for the A's) or black and gold (for the Steelers) or royal blue and gold (Warriors) or white and blue (for Penn State), etc. Watching sports in my family is a year-round event. While I enjoyed going to the A's games and playing baseball with my siblings and dad, I wasn't into watching sports like my family. Except for that one time I filled in for a player at a Queen of the Mountain tournament in high school, I didn't play for any school teams. Every one of my siblings has been involved on an athletic team in high school. I sometimes felt that I had disappointed my parents because I wasn't really talented athletically. However, it was only in my own eyes that I felt like the black sheep. In retrospect, being athletic wasn't really a virtue that my parents encouraged.

I was involved in things like 4-H, babysitting and being a docent for the local art gallery. There were times when I felt bad that I had nothing to show for my achievements-there weren't tournaments for babysitting (just babysitting marathons), there wasn't a banquet for reading books or an award for making the chili cheese fondue recipe I learned in my microwave cooking class. I mean, which of my siblings or peers could appreciate my skills in giving a tour around an art gallery? As a kid, I really wanted to make my parents proud of me and there were times that I indulged in my own pity parties (nobody else was invited because I was so self-centered) because I thought that poor me wasn't good at sports.

And, as a kid, I really tried my best in school but for some reason, academics didn't seem to come easily for me. Learning to read was difficult for me and then at age 7, it finally clicked. From then on, you wouldn't find me without a book even if it meant getting carsick from reading. In other academic areas, I felt like a blockhead. I don't know if it was that I was truly thick or if academics were harder for me, but I hosted my own pity parties because I wasn't as smart as other members in my family. And while my perspective has changed, I still fight that insecurity that I am not gifted academically and have to remind myself that I'm not totally stupid.

Looking back, I can see that being talented at sports isn't the be all and end all. In fact, other than teaching their own children how to play and stay fit, being athletic hasn't crossed over into other life skills for my siblings. Other than teaching, academics haven't played a huge role in my adult life either.

I could probably attribute the organizational skills and responsibility I learned while babysitting, being a docent and yes, being the historian in 4-H to how I live my life today. That microwave cooking class I took was the impetus for my interest in cooking today. However, if it wasn't for the Lord showing me to get the focus off of myself, I wouldn't be able to use those gifts for His glory. Instead, I'd probably be stuck in my house, reading a book and feeling sorry for my poor, stupid and unathletic self.

Over the course of my spiritual walk, I've learned that I've tipped the balance to the "Pleasing Man" side rather than the "Pleasing God" side. I am convicted for the times that I cared too much what others (including my family and parents) thought of me rather than what God thought of me. I've also learned that while I hate to think of myself as this, I am really selfish and I enjoy the accolades from others. These two combinations create a deadly cocktail that inhibits me from being useful to God.

God doesn't care if we can cook or play sports or if we're academically gifted. He ultimately wants us to serve and rely on Him. The talents we have are from Him and for Him. For me, it always boils down to this: Whatever I do, I am to work for the Lord, not for man because it is the Lord Christ I am serving. I consider myself a slave for Christ-I must please my Master.

Today, as my roommate and I hurriedly set off to cook this morning, I reflected on the fact that I couldn't cook for 73 people without the Lord's strength and hand being involved in it. I couldn't do it well without Him giving me a desire to learn and cook for others. I couldn't have planned everything to go so smoothly without His sovereignty.

I know if you don't have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, all of this sounds foolish. However, I am reminded that the message of the Cross is folly to those who don't know Him, but to those who are saved, it's the power of God. These are the virtues that please my parents-not the strikes that I throw, the good grades in school and certainly not my cooking skills.

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is youra life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory-Colossians 3:1-4



Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ-Colossians 3:23-24

But Moses said to the Lord, “Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.” Then the Lord said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak."-Exodus 4:10-12

Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God-II Corinthians 3:5

The hand of God was also on Judah to give them one heart to do what the king and the princes commanded by the word of the LORD-II Chronicles 30:12

Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen-Hebrews 13:20-21

We are fools for Christ’s sake, but you are wise in Christ. We are weak, but you are strong. You are held in honor, but we in disrepute-I Corinthians 4:10