The Season of Perpetual Hope

December is such a crazy month and it's easy to lose focus on why we do what we do. For me, many of my expectations aren't met and I can get discouraged with the let-down that comes with it. And I'm not referring to the lack of a husband during Christmas (although for singles, holidays can be really tough) but to the disappointments and set-backs of the Christmas season.

Growing up, we used to (still do) watch "Home Alone" and there's this scene where Kevin's mom is trying to get home to her son who's been left alone. As she attempts to buy a ticket for a booked flight, she blasts the airline employee and explains that Christmas is the season of perpetual hope and that there should be a way for her to fly home.

How odd that this actually hits home for me in that when my expectations aren't met, I can sometimes become downtrodden about it. One of my favorite things at Christmas is to buy gifts for people. I LOVE it. It's fun to be able to find an excuse to be generous. Well, this month and last month, I've found that I've been flat broke. And while it is mind-boggling, I also know that I made big purchases this fall, I paid more than what was required on my bills and I tithed generously. Even though, I've pretty much finished the bulk of my Christmas shopping, I was saddened that I was broke. I was bummed that I couldn't buy more for others and be free with my money. I found myself weepy about it and beseeched the Lord as to why my paycheck practically disappeared almost as quickly as it came. As I sank into a temporary depression, I started to think about the fact that I've been paying into a house that has no equity at this time. As I poured my heart out to the Lord, I was reminded of three things: 1) I've paid all of my bills on time and even "over"-paid them 2) My home is not of this world. My treasures and equity are in heaven and that God promises to take care of my needs-not my wants (which would include equity in my home). 3) Did I allow my circumstances to dictate my joy?

The other set-back for me this month was that I was sick all week. Every day, I left work early so that I could go home and rest. I had so many expectations-pack (for the December 30 move into a house with my roommate), work out, get ready for Christmas, get ready for the Christmas program, enjoy the Christmas evenings, cook, etc. I was so disappointed to be sick and by the third day, I was becoming thoroughly annoyed. I so wanted to enjoy life during this time of year and be of "good cheer", but that clearly didn't happen. I began to realize that instead of succumbing to anger about being sick for "so long", I realized that I'm a baby. People with cancer are perpetually sick and they'd give anything to have what I had for five days. I realized that I needed a reality check with the Lord. I was doing the very thing I hate-I was complaining and not having much thanksgiving and yet, the Lord calls us to be thankful in EVERY circumstances. Did I just let my circumstance dictate my joy?

I realize that giving gifts, being healthy,vacation,visiting family,decorating your house, going to parties, caroling, etc. are not bad in and of themselves, but they can be a huge diversion from celebrating the true meaning of Christmas: the birth of Jesus. I guess I can get caught up in the throes of it all and am sorely disappointed when sickness or other issues prevent me from enjoying those fun things during this time of year. I'm a sucker for doing just what Satan desires of me-hey, as long as I'm focused on the things of this world and not on Jesus, I'm doing great.

When I start to focus on the things of this world, I must, must go to the Word and remind myself of my ultimate purpose here on earth: to bring Him glory and enjoy Him forever. It is Jesus I must worship-nothing else. Our expectations are self-made and if we're going to become discouraged when they're not met, then what does that say about the state of our hearts? My joy must be found in my Savior-not my circumstances.

Although December is crazy because of the hustle and bustle, it is not a season of perpetual hope. Hopefully, the life of a Christian reflects that perpetual hope EVERYDAY-not for a season.


Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and ruste destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also-Matthew 6:19-21

Do not toil to acquire wealth; be discerning enough to desist-Proverbs 23:4

“But watch yourselves lest your hearts be weighed down with dissipation and drunkenness and cares of this life, and that day come upon you suddenly like a trap-Luke 21:34

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord-Luke 2:11

Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior-Habakkuk 3:17-18

I will greatly rejoice in the LORD; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels-Isaiah 61:10

It Is Not Good For Woman To Be Alone On Tree Day

My roommate's family has this 30 year plus tradition called, "Tree Day" and it happens the day after Thanksgiving. My roommate's mom, dad, sister, brother-in-law, cousins, aunt and uncle all traipse to the Santa Cruz Mountains to cut a tree for Christmas. Since 2006, I've been a part of Tree Day, it's a lot of fun but it makes for a long day. Usually, my roommate and I will lug the tree upstairs to my condo, attempt to cut its trunk with a wimpy hacksaw and then center it in the stand.

Well, this year was almost completely different because my roommate's family decided to spend the week in Santa Cruz for Thanksgiving. On Friday morning, I drove to the tree farm and met up with everyone. Since there are four homes represented, there are four trees that are sought, cut and tied to the rack of the car. This year, someone didn't plan well and guess whose tree couldn't fit on the truck rack with all of the other trees? Obviously, mine! This meant that I would take our tree home. This is fine and dandy when you have a rack on your roof, but I don't. Also, this would be fine and dandy if my car wasn't less than a year old as I wouldn't care so much about preserving the insides of my car. And so, I drove home with a tree lodged inside my car. The aroma of pine wafted in my car as I drove the 90 miles home, oh and it still does. While there were towels to cover my car, countless needles littered the interior as the tree rolled from side to side on each turn of Highway 17. Needless to say, I was not thrilled with the idea of driving the tree home especially by myself.

I normally wouldn't object to lugging home a tree, but honestly, what was I going to do with it once I got home? I could probably drag it out of my car but there's no way I could carry it by myself upstairs. It still needed the end of the trunk cut and while I'm fairly adept at using a knife in the kitchen, the saw ain't my thing. Also, I despise tree sap. Well, my sister asked her husband if he could help and boy, was he a lifesaver! He not only carried it upstairs, he also cut it for me and helped me center it in the stand. We left it on the porch so that I could do some re-arranging of furniture in my house to fit the tree.

Yesterday, I decided to climb into my attic and take down the seven or eight boxes of Christmas decorations. Normally, this is something my roommate and I would do or she and her dad would do together if I wasn't home. I made a few trips up and down the ladder while my cats watched. Then, I had this brilliant idea to bring the Christmas tree into the house-while it was still in the stand. First, with my hand (because a cup wouldn't fit), I scooped out as much water as I could so as not to spill water onto my carpet in the middle of the move. I pushed the tree onto a beach towel so that I could drag it in the house from the porch and after probably 40 minutes and several fallen needles later, I had the tree centered and in the right place. It took me nearly an hour to suck up all of the needles with my vacuum cleaner-unclog, vacuum, unclog, dump canister, vacuum and repeat the process. I thought that this would be enough of a surprise for my roommate-I mean, I had gotten the bulk of the work done and then when she'd come home, we could decorate it.

For whatever reason, I decided that leaving the tree in its stand, with the decorations nearby wasn't enough. Nope. I decided to put the lights on. Instead of stringing them on in the traditional manner, I went online to learn the best technique. Well, that best technique not only took me two hours to light up a six foot tree, but my fingers were blackened with tree sap and scratched up from tree branches. And, oh yes, more needles on the floor-read above for the vacuum process.

By the end of the night, I was exhausted. I had worked on Christmas decorations from about 2:45 until almost 10:30. All of this work got me thinking about the Bible verse, Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and not another to lift him up! (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). Yesterday would have been one of those times where I could share half of the workload if my husband was there to help out.

While I wasn't sad, nor did I wallow for my lack of a marriage partner, it was a good reminder for me to keep praying that God would provide a husband. When you're accustomed to doing most things by yourself, you just make do. When there are two women living in a house, there aren't roles for each to fulfill-you do them yourself, call a dad or brother-in-law or you pay someone to make household improvements. Two years ago, I needed a new toilet. So, Megan and I went to Home Depot and I bought a new toilet. We practically had to "roll" the box upstairs because it weighed nearly three hundred pounds. Then, it took us all day to install the toilet-if one of us was a male, I think that toilet would've been installed in less than half the time.

I know that I've talked about the company and love of a husband in the past, but this weekend made me realize that single women are really limited in their physical abilities. I'm guessing that single men are limited in their hospitality and cooking abilities as well. Both the single genders can manage on their own, but how wonderful is it that God created two human beings to complement each other?

However, marriage is not the be all and end all for human beings because we are all in need of a savior. As I pined for a husband in my 20s, God has made it perfectly clear to me that all I need is Christ. Yes, I still can't lift a tree upstairs without some kind of help but it is Jesus who will save my soul from eternal damnation. It is Jesus who makes me whole. It is Jesus who cleanses me from all unrighteousness. It is Jesus who loves me unconditionally even when I continue to sin each day.

In Christ alone, I must place my trust. Yes, it would be great to be married but if you don't have Christ, you can still be lonely in a marriage. Even if I was married, my allegiance is to Christ and my worship is Him alone. My marriage should complement my life in Christ and not the other way around. God created marriage to bring Him glory. If my husband and I can't bring Him glory, then I'd rather be single.

And, as long as I am single, I will continue to worship, serve and bring Him glory even if it means lugging a tree into my house, replacing a kitchen sink, taking out the garbage, fixing my doorbell, replacing my toilet or changing my air filter in my car by myself.

The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.For God will bring every deed into judgment, with^c every secret thing, whether good or evil-Ecclesiastes 12:13

“And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul-Deuteronomy 10:12

You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might-Deuteronomy 6:5

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?-Micah 6:8

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding. His praise endures forever!-Psalm 111:10

Only fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you.-I Samuel 12:24

I can do all things through him who strengthens me-Philippians 4:13

I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service-I Timothy 1:12

Hallelujah, all I have is Christ!---check out Sovereign Grace http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9FiMNON9v0

Thankful For My Fridge

Thanksgiving encompasses sharing and coming together as a family but its purpose is to give thanks for the Lord's provision in our life. Edward Winslow was an American Pilgrim leader on the Mayflower and his testimony of the first Thanksgiving is in "Mourt's Relation": (the spelling has been modernized) "our harvest being gotten in, our governor sent four men on fowling, that so we might after a special manner rejoice together, after we had gathered the fruits of our labors; they four in one day killed as much fowl, as with a little help beside, served the Company almost a week, at which time amongst other Recreations, we exercised our Arms, many of the Indians coming amongst us, and amongst the rest their greatest king Massasoit, with some ninety men, whom for three days we entertained and feasted, and they went out and killed five Deer, which they brought to the Plantation and bestowed on our Governor, and upon the Captain and others. And although it be not always so plentiful, as it was at this time with us, yet by the goodness of God, we are so far from want, that we often wish you partakers of our plenty." (my emphasis)

Last summer, there was an article put out by the Heritage Foundation called, "Air Conditioning, Cable TV, and an Xbox: What is Poverty in the United States Today?" The article basically stated that very few Americans are truly poor. Perhaps they are inconvenienced but not so much impoverished. In fact, most Americans have their needs met.

Ahhh, but therein lies the rub, what are needs? I believe that our most basic needs are food, shelter, and clothing. Forget about your preferences because those are not considered needs.

A couple of years ago, I was listening to the radio and I was awestruck by what the commentator said. I'm not sure why it hit me the way it did, but it was probably the catalyst that has changed my view of having my needs met. He said that owning a refrigerator implies that we have food for tomorrow. I know that some refrigerators are not as full as others, but the fact that we own one in America would imply storage of food. I am blessed to already have some ingredients in my refrigerator as opposed to the rice paddy workers in China that have no idea what they may eat for dinner. Now, when I think about my refrigerator, my heart is thankful that God has abundantly provided for me.

I thought it would be apropos to dwell on giving thanks because after all, it is Thanksgiving on Thursday. I could go on and on about the ways that the Lord has blessed me but I am only going to reflect on this week.

This week, we had our first trimester finals and any time I give a final, it is a lot of work putting it together, making copies, making a video (in ASL), reading essays and completing all of the last minute work from the students who decided that some points are better than none- no matter how late they are in turning in their work. Well, my days at work began early in the morning and didn't end until close to bed time for the first couple of nights. I was buried in work. There were some days that I felt so unsettled and scatterbrained and my desk had different piles for me to plow through. I approached my work with an attitude of trust and thankfulness. I knew that I had to rely on God's strength to get me through all of this work and rather than complain, I found myself thankful that I even have a job. This morning, a Facebook friend complained about having to be at work at 5:45 in the morning and I almost commented, "But, you have a job". Most people don't realize that the term, "work" actually means "work"-who said that it was going to be cushy and always enjoyable? It's work! So, I've learned in the last couple of years to praise God for the work He provides because we are definitely not entitled to having a steady job.

This week, I also paid my bills and the most dreaded one: property tax. Ugh, who wants to pay for that? Well, how many people own a house? I am so thankful that God gave me the opportunity to buy and even though my house is upside down in its value, my property taxes are lower. God knows exactly what I can and can't afford-I'm thankful that I am able to pay my bills even if things were a little tighter than usual.

I've been quasi training for a half marathon (lately, working out has been put on the back burner because I've been inundated with work and church) and as I've said in previous posts, I despise running. I know, I know, no one's putting a gun to my head demanding that I run! On Thursday, the first workout day for me, I was able to run ten miles. I prayed for strength throughout and despite a failing disk in my back, God got me through the ten miles. I am grateful for the body that He has given me and it is a reminder that I am to be grateful when I am cursing the hips that I own.

As I've said in the past, my commute is slightly obnoxious and two of the four freeways I drive are under construction. These days, it is not unusual for my 31 mile trek to last an hour. I am reminded of all the alone time in the car that God has provided to praise Him and I am thankful. I am also thankful to Him for providing a car and the gas to get to work and for keeping me safe on the road each day.

I had a semi migraine on Thursday and I was so grateful that I had a bed to rest in and for medication to aid in fighting it. Also, the fact that school let out at 12:30 was a huge blessing because I had time to rest at home during the day.

On Friday, I was shocked and grieved to find out that a former student died in a freak car accident early that morning. She left behind a husband who is serving in the Marines and a seven month old baby and she was only 18. I don't know if she ever had a personal relationship with Jesus and I have no idea what took place at the scene of the accident. The Bible commands us to give thanks in everything. When a Christian dies, it is much easier to give thanks despite the pain of losing someone. I think the only way I can give thanks is out of obedience. I am thankful that the Lord is completely sovereign and that He wasn't momentarily looking away. I am thankful that in His eyes, it wasn't at all a freak accident. I am thankful that her baby will be taken care of and that she has a supportive family. I am thankful that no one else was hurt in the accident. I am thankful that God brings about these situations and causes us to dwell on our own mortality. I am thankful for the longings that God stirs up in others' hearts to be right before Him.

Today at church, the sermon was called "Happy to Be Home" and I was not only thankful for a church that doesn't water down the sermons, but that it's a church that strives for obedience to God's Word. I am also thankful that I was reminded of His love for me, that I was adopted by the Lord and I will one day be made pure. Lastly, I am thankful that my life here is only temporary and my true Home is awaiting me where I will be greeted by Jesus.

So, what can you give thanks for each day? Do you find that God blesses you in unexpected ways each day? Can you give thanks despite your circumstances? May your joy be found in Him!

“My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant. For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed; for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name.-Luke 1:46-49

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you-I Thessalonians 5:18

Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, for all that is in the heavens and in the earth is yours. Yours is the kingdom, O LORD, and you are exalted as head above all. Both riches and honor come from you, and you rule over all. In your hand are power and might, and in your hand it is to make great and to give strength to all. And now we thank you, our God, and praise your glorious name-I Chronicles 29:11-13

Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!-Psalm 107:1

And they sang responsively, praising and giving thanks to the LORD, “For he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever toward Israel.” And all the people shouted with a great shout when they praised the LORD, because the foundation of the house of the LORD was laid-Ezra 3:11

For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations-Psalm 100:5

*http://www.heritage.org/research/reports/2011/07/what-is-poverty

Please Don't Waste My Life

Remember the sticker on the rented VHS tape that read, "Be kind, rewind"? Or the stickers that were placed on light switch plates that reminded you to conserve electricity? Or in California, the mantra was always to save water and a tip for brushing your teeth was to turn off the faucet during the brushing. The bottom line is, conservation is better than waste.

On the other hand, do you ever contemplate how wasteful our government is with their resources? Or, can you see it in your own state? As a teacher, I can see how prodigal our public school system is with their resources. Teachers sit through countless meetings and some of them are a complete waste of time. How about dating just for "fun"? To me, that's a waste of time. Call me "quirky", but I like things to have a purpose.

I've been reading the book, "Finding your Child's Way on the Autism Spectrum"* and I was struck by the author's words, "And one of God's promises is that He never wastes the hurts we have to suffer, but uses them to make us the people He created us to be." These words are not trite. This woman was the victim of a horrendous crime in her 20s, she suffered a divorce, battled cancer and her only child was autistic. On top of it all, she recently had another cancer scare. It is safe to say that she understands what it means to suffer, it's almost as if she is a modern day Job. And yet, she is able to write with conviction that God never wastes our hurts.

Since I teach American Sign Language, I started to think about the sign, SUFFER (ASL vocabulary is typically written in caps). The sign SUFFER is the same sign as PATIENT or BEAR-WITH or you could also use, LIVE CONTINUE CONTINUE. I thought this was interesting because no matter what kind of suffering one endures, you must be patient (or it teaches you patience), you must bear with it or there is a need to continue living despite it.

It's not always easy to recognize someone else's suffering because we tend to equate it with the "big" struggles in life. However, people suffer in all kinds of ways: sickness, physical pain, grief, emotional turmoil, disabilities, job loss, rejection and yes, loneliness. I occasionally experience loneliness but I would never equate it with cancer or persecution or grief. Though there are different degrees of suffering, there is a sense of discomfort and the experience is not pleasant-suffering is suffering is suffering.

We know that when you're a Christian, you are to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. However, what happens when you don't have someone in your life that doesn't walk alongside you? How do you react? From my experience, I've become angry which turned to bitterness and then to complete selfishness. Instead of having ill feelings to those that "didn't care", I should have directed my hurt and suffering to the Lord. God puts others in our lives to encourage and admonish, but He wants us to depend solely on Him. Sometimes we interpret abandonment of our friends when the Lord's purpose was to look to Him for comfort.

Last weekend, a 35 year old teacher at our school (mother and wife as well) was diagnosed with chronic leukemia and I think the question on the forefront of everyone's mind is, why? As a Christian, God causes us to suffer because it completes our sanctification, it teaches us to trust Him, it brings glory to Him, it teaches us compassion and helps us to witness to others, it teaches us gratitude, it teaches us that we're not of this world and it teaches us who God is. If you don't go through suffering, you won't reap the benefits of spiritual growth.

I love that my 87 year old friend Marge doesn't succumb to fear or anxiety when hit with suffering, instead, she goes to the Lord with all of her cares. She is not always comfortable with her finances, secure in her widowhood or always feeling healthy. However, because she is older and has had many trials throughout her life, she has seen the Lord work in many ways. Her trust in Him is firm and that's why it always so encouraging to talk to a Christian senior. You know when you're a kid and you always say you hope to live 'til you're a hundred and then when you become an adult, you say, "I hope not!"? Well, I hope that I live long so that my faith is as strong as Marge's.

For me, suffering has taught me so much. For the times I've been lonely, I've tried to reach out to those experience the same thing. For the time that I experienced severe grief when my cousin died of cancer, God's truth was my comfort. For the times when I've not been secure in my job, I've come to realize that there is only one Security in my life. For any other suffering I've had to endure, I've learned to work on humility and realize that God is in control of my life-not me.

I am ever so grateful that God never wastes our trials-they are all for His good. They are not just an experiment where He wants to see what happens-they are purposeful and cause great spiritual growth in our lives. With suffering, we can experience eternal joy in the midst of it. With suffering, God can accomplish what He wants through us. With suffering, God can be glorified. With suffering, we can be obedient to His will and receive great bouts of joy!

It is good for me that I was afflicted,

that I might learn your statutes-Psalm 119:70

I know, O LORD, that your rules are righteous and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me. Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant-Psalm 119:75-77

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore-Psalm 16:11

So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed it with an oath, so that by two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain-Hebrews 6:17-19

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him-James 1:12

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.-II Corinthians 1:3-7

For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again-II Corinthians 1:8-10

Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life-Proverbs 16:31

The glory of young men is their strength, but the splendor of old men is their gray hair-Proverbs 20:29

*Finding Your Child's Way On The Autism Spectrum by Dr. Laura Hendrickson

Miss Lonelyheart

When I blog, I always try to make my posts relevant and about something I've gone through during the week. Well, I think it's pretty clear that I am going to write on marriage because my pastor spoke on it last Sunday, I just got back from a wedding in Colorado and someone called me earlier in the week to do hair for a wedding. Can Scotch Tape get any clearer?

Most people that say they love weddings are usually married people. I don't hate weddings. I just hate that they are a reminder that I am single and alone. Throughout the month, week and each work day, I do just fine as a single person. But at a wedding, it's a different story and it's amazing how myopic I can become. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled for the couple and am excited that they can share this day, but it's not without a bit of sadness. I can't ignore the longing in my heart. I go back and forth praying to the Lord, telling Him that I am open to where He wants me and if He wants me to be single, I'm His girl.

If I dissect, dice, chop and analyze my desires and emotions at weddings, I wonder if what I am feeling is temporal or am I a fit for marriage? I know that if I watch any romance movie (especially a couple who is getting married), I feel the same way when I attend a wedding. Does every single person feel this way? Do people who feel called to be single ever feel this way?

Why is it that we want to be cared for and loved by someone who is solely devoted to us? Obviously if marriage wasn't created by God, I would inject myself with the RML shot (Romance, marriage and love) to build an immunity against it. But, knowing that there's a possibility that God could have someone in store for me, I long for marriage. For the single person like me, I know that I have to keep my heart in check about the realities of marriage and God's design for marriage.

Instead of focusing on the work involved in marriage and the spiritual aspect, I tend to focus on the benefits I would receive. How about the husband who gives you a warm embrace each day? How about the husband who compliments you on what you're wearing? How about the husband who holds your hand in his big hand? I know that these things aren't wrong, but as I type them, I can see the self-centeredness that pervades my mind. Ugh, I hate how adroit I am at selfishness. It's not that I don't see myself as being a helpmeet for my husband, but I know that God's design for marriage is to bring glory to Him together.

When I was a kid and throughout my adult years, I've enjoyed the Alfred Hitchcock film, "Rear Window". Jimmy Stewart is stuck in his apartment and can't work due to a broken leg. He resorts to window watching the day-to-day events of people in their apartments across the way. Jimmy Stewart and his nurse call the police after observing a woman who is about to ingest some deadly concoction of pills. However, just before Miss Lonelyheart pops the pills, she is drawn to the haunting music played by a songwriter upstairs. Somehow, she meets this man and we can only assume that a relationship ensues and of course as most movies end, she lives happily ever after. Oh, how easy it would be to, a) just date anyone b) live happily ever after. In the words of Larry, Moe and Curly, "Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck"- yeah right!

Last week, our pastor gave a sermon on marriage and while I don't remember the title, I can remember his basic thesis: it is good to be married.
While I don't disagree, it can be a bit grating to listen to the statistics and benefits of marriage. It was hard not to have a retort or explanation in my head about each statistic/benefit:
1) Married people tend to outlive single people (Well, I guess that means I get to see Jesus first)
2) Married people tend to earn a higher salary than single people (Tax breaks help)
3) Married people tend to have better sex than single people (I don't qualify to be included in this statistic)
4)Married people are happier than single people (While I can see this, I strive for joy as a single Christian despite my status)
If I had heard these statistics when I was in my early 20s, I would not be able to share my tongue-in-cheek retorts because my heart was sensitive to any talk of marriage vs. singleness. In fact, my heart was not in a place where I could find any benefits to being single! But, this sermon was a good reminder of God's design for marriage rather than focusing on my Americanized romantic idea of this holy covenant between a man and a woman.

Lately, I've become increasingly aware of my age. Not only when I am around young kids, but my face seems to have more wrinkles and there are dark circles under my eyes. I am very much aware that if were to have a child now, I'd probably walk with a cane at their high school graduation. If I were a part of the Amish community, I'd be considered a hopeless maidel. However, twice this week I found encouragement in the fact that age has nothing to do with anything when it comes to God's design for marriage.

Earlier this week, when I was asked to do hair for a wedding, I found out that the wedding was on the Friday after Thanksgiving at 2 p.m. at someone's home. I thought this was kind of odd, but what was stranger was the fact that the bride got engaged two weeks ago! When I commented to the bridesmaid about the short amount of time between the two events, she said, "She's 41, and we're just all happy she's found someone!" What a reminder to all prospective brides that feel the need for the perfect, glamorous and storybook wedding-when you're following God's design for marriage, your wedding takes second place to your marriage.

Last night, my 35 year old friend finally got married. What a blessing it was to be at her wedding and to see that after many horrible bouts with dating (she could write a humorous book on her many dating debacles), she met the desire of her eyes. Before she met her husband, she told the Lord that she was done with dating and that she would be satisfied with being single. I believe that when our hearts are right before the Lord, i.e. when we allow only Him to satisfy our longings, He will fulfill our every need.

I know that He will fulfill my every need is true but it takes more discipline to live it out. For me, attending a wedding must not be a place where I focus on my own desires but on the marrying couple. It is a time to bring God praise because He has joined two people in holy matrimony. It is a time to rejoice with those who rejoice. It is a time to give thanksgiving for God's sovereignty in every situation-whether in orchestrating the binding of two people or in keeping me single. For those of you that are married, I would encourage you to reach out to the single person at a wedding. Sit by them if you can, chat, show a genuine interest in getting to know them but most importantly, pray for their hearts to be open to whatever God has for them in store and pray for God to bring comfort to their lonely heart.

Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved-Psalm 55:22

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted-Psalm 25:16

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep-Romans 12:15

Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel-Philippians 1:27


Let not the foreigner who has joined himself to the Lord say,“The Lord will surely separate me from his people”;and let not the eunuch say,“Behold, I am a dry tree.” For thus says the Lord:“To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths,who choose the things that please me and hold fast my covenant, I will give in my house and within my walls a monument and a name better than sons and daughters;I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off-Isaiah 56:3-5

For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness-Psalm 84:10

Honk if You Love Jesus

Last week, I posted about my official status as a California teacher. What an exciting moment and reason to celebrate. However, I was reminded last week that this accomplishment is fleeting. Having children, gaining success, reaching the highest rung on the corporate ladder, acquiring vast sums of wealth, getting accepted into a prestigious school, etc. is not the apotheosis of life. Getting married is not the end all and be all. (Try reminding that to the loneliest of single people)

Yesterday, we sang a song in choir, it's called, "Til They Rest in You"* and it refers to people searching and ignoring the discontent inside their hearts. They try to fill that void but nothing satisfies. All of their pursuits and worldly treasures lead to dead ends-quite literally too.

As Christians, our joy is found in Jesus. While this sounds foreign and weird to the average Joe, it is the absolute hallmark of our faith. Without Jesus, the Cross, God's perfect love and compassion and His desire to have a relationship with us, there is no foundation or standard for which Christians must live their lives. And while it may sound hokey to say, we only need Jesus, it is absolutely true. Jesus is not just a figure in history, He is the son of God. He is the perfect Lamb that took my guilt upon His shoulders and died on the cross as the sacrifice. Knowing that without some kind of substitute for my sins, I wouldn't be able to have a relationship with God-He is holy and cannot be defiled.

I know people have all kinds of bumper stickers with Christian messages on them, but sometimes I think they make Jesus sound so trivial as if He's this "Don't Worry, Be Happy" kind of guy. He has been portrayed as this all-accepting, Kumbaya, caricature who is only concerned with getting your zen on-wait, wrong religion. I don't think it's too far-fetched to picture Him as a comic book character. Jesus is that guy with the long hair, (in my imagination, he looks like a character in Doonesbury with a cigarette between two fingers), wearing sandals, long robe with a rope belt of course and with a speech bubble that says, "Hey man, just believe in me, follow me and your worries will go away. Peace out."

The message of the Gospel has become a feel-good story and one that meets our psychological needs. It is almost as if Jesus is this magic lamp that you rub to bring about prosperity, self-esteem and happiness.

No wonder, it's laughable when you hear someone sing the hymn, "I Must Tell Jesus" or the praise song, "Shine, Jesus Shine". Really, you're going to tell Jesus all of your problems because He is a kind, compassionate friend? If you're not a Christian, it's so easy to have such a cynicism about Christianity.

However, when you are a true Christian, only do you begin to understand who the true Jesus is. Jesus is not this wimpy doormat in whom you can find rest and love. When you have Jesus in your life, you realize that you are not impervious to life's daily problems. When you have Jesus, you do not have a shield to protect you from accidents or disease. When you have Jesus, you are not immune to being the victim of someone else's sin. And, when you have Jesus, you are not always employed.

When you have Jesus, you WILL suffer here on earth. The degree to which you suffer varies, but it is a guarantee that you will suffer.

November 2 will mark the 10th anniversary of my 20 year old cousin's death. When he was in his late teens, he was diagnosed with a rare type of bone cancer that affected mostly men. He was attending college, acting in plays and enjoyed working as an extra for various TV productions. Addison was just a fun, gregarious, kid who brought great joy to his parents and younger four siblings. I remember when we first heard the news that Addison had been diagnosed with cancer-we were devastated and of course, his death was almost unbearable.

However, when you have Jesus and you know Him, you realize that He was the ultimate Sufferer. He understands EVERY pain and every type of trial you're going through. You don't need a psychologist to unzip your heart and deal with the layers and layers of suffering. With Jesus, you don't need to dwell on the past because He knows it already. He wants you to rely on Him. Just like the woman at the well, He wants you to follow Him, no holds barred.

When you have Jesus, you know that when you face a trial or experience the worst kind of suffering, He will never leave you or forsake you. He will be by your side. Your heart will find joy in the midst of those hard times and you will find peace when you trust Him.

As a Christian, I strive to trust Jesus each day and I know that I oftentimes fail because I try to "buck up" or rely on my own means. Or, sometimes, I find my satisfaction in other things-things that are temporal and not an eternal investment. John Piper put it best, "God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him."

I know that when I focus on joys of my circumstances, I am focusing on what I've done. I don't always attribute those achievements as being from the Lord. The difference between a Christian and a non-Christian when it comes to success is acknowledging that it is God who is the origin of all accomplishments. "The good news of Jesus is not intended to make us feel good about ourselves. Instead, the good news humbles us." (Welch) Without Jesus, I am nothing. With Jesus, I am nothing. We are called to humility and serve the most high God!

So, while my official status of becoming a real teacher is pretty cool, the joys will fade just as when I bought my new car last year. These things on earth are temporal, but the joy of the Lord lasts a lifetime and His work on the cross will never diminish-even in the midst of suffering.

The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever-Isaiah 40:8

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin-Hebrews 4:15

For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God-II Corinthians 5:21

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end-Ecclesiastes 3:11

He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
He determines the number of the stars;
he gives to all of them their names.
Great is our Lord, and abundant in power;
his understanding is beyond measure.
The Lord lifts up the humble;
he casts the wicked to the ground-Psalm 147:3-6

Welch, Edward (1997). When People Are Big and God is Small. P&P Publishing.

*‘Til They Rest in You
Comes an honest moment when
Each heart looks inside,
Finding nothing here on earth
Truly satisfies.
Some choose to ignore the ache,
Some confess it’s true.
God, our hearts will have no peace
‘Til they rest in You.

We yearn, we thirst,
We stumble in the dark, discontent,
For You’ve set eternity within each heart.

Ev’ry pleasure, ev’ry thrill,
Never is enough.
Ev’ry trophy, even gold,
Simply turns to dust.
Most still search to find real joy,
Yet they never do.
God, our hearts will have no peace
‘Til they rest in You.

We yearn, we thirst,
We stumble in the dark, discontent,
For You’ve set eternity within each heart.

Thank You for my desp’rate days,
Feeling incomplete.
Thank You for Your loving ways,
Leading me to see
Jesus, You are all I need,
Nothing else will do.
God, our hearts will have no peace
‘Til they rest in You.

Ninth Time's A Charm?

I love the movie, "Sound of Music". The main character Maria longed to live in the abbey but it turns out that the quiet life of a nun doesn't fit her vibrant personality. Mother Superior asks her to leave the convent to become a governess to seven children. As Maria gets on a bus with all of her belongings, she says, "When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window." After almost 10 years of teaching American Sign Language, I've often wondered if I was meant for this job.

When I was offered a job to teach ASL in 2002, I needed to take more classes so that I could go on and teach the other levels adeptly. When I went to college, I majored in liberal studies to teach elementary school students. I took some ASL classes because I was really interested in learning the language. Never in my wildest dreams would I be teaching high school, let alone ASL!

When you teach, you need a credential which is a year program through a university along with student teaching. When I started teaching ASL, a credential for ASL didn't exist and no one (the teaching commission or the district) knew what to do with us teachers. Some teachers had credentials in other subjects and were able to get an authorization to teach ASL because they took ASL in college. For me, I didn't have a credential and was stuck in a unique predicament-how could I continue to teach ASL and which credential did I need? So, for three years, my school district applied for one-year waivers until a credential was created for ASL.

Finally, in November 2005, the teacher entrance test for ASL was first administered. Once you passed this test, you can enter a credential program. The first time I took it, I passed one of the three subtests. The second time, I passed another subtest. I had one more subtest to pass and I was good to go. The hardest part about this test was that there was nothing to study other than the Mississippi River of a list of sources the test creators used to make the test. Additionally, this subject test was only offered twice a year while the other subject tests were offered three or four times each year.

By 2009, I still couldn't pass Subtest III. This test was NOT representative of a teacher entrance exam, rather it would probably suffice for a doctorate program. The test also contained some flaws. Most teachers that took the test attested to the fact that the signers signed at lightning speed, the angles were atrocious on the video, and some of the scoring on the test was subjective. After much research on my part, there was only a 27% passing rate. You would think that after a letter to the governor, state superintendent, state representative, California Commission on Teacher Credentialing, Pearson (testing company), the owner of Pearson and teacher representative of the district, someone would be able to come to my aid. However, everyone washed their hands of the situation and refused to make the appropriate changes to the test.

At the end of every school year (except one year), I was given a pink slip because of the budget crisis. While my principals loved having me at their school, re-hiring was difficult because I wasn't fully credentialed due to the subtest that I couldn't pass. I started to wonder if teaching in this subject was where God wanted me. Was this open door just leading to an elevator shaft?

I love what I do, but maybe it wasn't God's will for me to continue in this subject or did He just want me to persevere in facing this trial? Each time I received my failed test results in the mail, I couldn't help but think as I read the results through tears that maybe God wanted to get me out of this subject. I really wanted to pass that test and I was hoping that the Commission would improve it so that teachers could pass it. However, the Commission never changed it and after December 2010, I gave up on passing it.

In the winter of 2010, I decided to get my credential in a different subject, apply for an authorization to teach ASL just like those other teachers did in 2002 when a credential for ASL didn't exist. I had to not only study a different subject, I had to take additional classes, do more work, pay more money and take a different test.

I was going to use the words, "Fast Forward", but now that we're in the DVD/CD age, it is more apropos to say, "Skip" to this week in 2011. Something unthinkable happened to me four days ago: The California Commission on Teacher Credentialing recognized me as an official American Sign Language teacher. I was so excited when I found out the news and felt relieved. For the first time in almost ten years, I will be tenured. Like Pinocchio, I was finally real-not a boy but a real teacher! I felt like doing a jig and singing:
I’ve got no strings
To hold me down
To make me fret
Or make me frown
I had strings
But now I’m free
There are no strings on me
I just can't believe that I can finally end this chapter in my life.

Looking back, I experienced many sleepless nights, paid close to $1000. for testing and re-testing, $1500. for the extra credential classes, spent countless hours doing research on the computer, made multiple phone calls to different authorities in the State, wrote letters, took the test nine times, taught with a lower salary than most because I couldn't earn what a credentialed teacher earned and spent precious time doing what I could to keep my job. I was able to handle this better than the roller coaster of emotions I felt throughout the years as I taught.

I fought discouragement, discontentment, tears, anger and my confidence in my abilities was almost nil. I questioned God and sometimes, I questioned the point of salvation because I wondered if it was really necessary to follow Him. However, when I submitted myself to the authority of His will, I was able to truly trust Him in EVERY situation. I realized that God wasn't abandoning me, He was providing my every need. As the years went by, I wasn't devastated by the outcome because God had proved to me that He was going to take care of things in His own way. I finally got it in my thick skull that God's hand was and is intricately involved in EVERY aspect of this career and in my life.

Whatever happens in my life is a result of Him sovereignly ordaining it and my response should be one that is pleasing to Him. Although my credential woes are over, I know that God will bring other trials into my life. I admit, I'm a little bit nervous because trials are neither fun nor easy. But God, right? With Him, I CAN face those trials no matter how debilitating because Christ was able to endure the Cross. Jesus entrusted himself to the Father and God was with Him through it all. I have the same hope that no matter what, God too will be with me through it all.

I know that going through trials is never fun and it certainly tests your trust in Him. However, if it weren't for my trials, I would never be able to trust and know that God could solve them. Even though there was a lot of time used, exorbitant amounts of money spent and many tears in the last ten years, I am thankful for God displaying some of His wonderful attributes-His creative ways, love, compassion and His sovereignty have become real to me. Don't tell me God is good when the circumstances are good, He is good all of the time!

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it-I Corinthians 10:13

The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will-Proverbs 21:1

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you-Isaiah 43:2

It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed-Deuteronomy 31:8

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him-James 1:12

But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips-Job 2:10

I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the LORD, who does all these things-Isaiah 45:7