I've Got the Joy, Joy, Joy Down in My Heart...I Do? Where?

I don't know if anyone thinks in the same way that I do, but I saw a news headline with a picture of Cher and her now son, Chaz. While this post is not about sex reassignment surgery, (it sounds so benign with that title) I found it interesting that in these days, we can change anything we want on our body. We have the cochlear implant so that the deaf can hear. We can change the color of our hair or our eyes (with contact lens), we can get a facelift, we can cut away fat or "suck" it off with a hose, we can take an organ and place it in a new owner's body and if needed, we can do a whole face transplant. It is truly amazing what we are capable of doing. And while we can do these amazing things, we can't stop the passage of time nor enter an earlier era. I'm not sure what is stopping us from doing this as Americans when we base so much of our ideals on feelings. For instance, most of us feel young inside, why couldn't we just pay a fee, fill out a form, state why we think we're really age 22 and then turn it in at the DMV?

Many times, I've kiddingly said that I think I was born in the wrong era or generation. For one thing, "Marilyn Monroe Hips" was the craze, who wanted to be skinny and have a sporty body back then? Also, when I was younger, my dad always said that I was born a 40 year old (sadly, it should probably pushed up to 60 as I have six more years in my 30s) because I was old at heart and I love older people. However, the real reason that I was simply born in the wrong era is that there is a shortage of men my age. I was thinking this as I drove home alone from choir the other night, probably prompted because I was feeling a bit lonely.

By now you know that I am a counselor at my church and when I have feelings of doubt, loneliness or if I cater to my emotions, I really become ashamed of myself for even giving it much thought. I know that I'm not impervious to emotions, trials, suffering, pain, etc. but I also have this other side of me that says, "You're a Christian. You're to have joy, what kind of counselor are you to kowtow to these feelings? You're such a hypocrite for even entertaining such thoughts. You're not supposed to be this way." But, before I succumb to total despair, the huge flag of reality is waving in my peripheral vision, almost shouting out: "Hey you. You're a Christian. You're a human being. You're NOT made of steel. God made you with emotions. If it weren't for the fall of man, you'd have all your desires and needs met but you don't-so yeah, you're gonna feel disappointed at times." And then I start thinking about the godly examples set before us that are presented in His Word.

While there are some that call me a Bible thumper in a derogatory way, I take it as a compliment because they see me as the "real deal". I am not here to just spew out Scripture, I am constantly trying to apply it to my life. Because of David and other examples, I can tarry in my trials as long as the Lord needs me to. I can continue in my suffering without it being relieved because the Lord has given me the strength to do so. His grace is sufficient for me.

Yes, His grace is sufficient for me. How does one come to terms with this? It's a total heart transformation. The idols in my heart must be replaced because I can or will become what I worship. G.K. Beale said, "We resemble what we revere, either for ruin or restoration." Idol worship may at first seem innocuous, but it's actually dangerous because of the downward spiral that ensues. If I think, "Oh, if only I was married, that would be the ultimate and I would just be happy." This is not where God wants our hearts. He wants us to fully worship Him. He wants to be our ultimate, not compared with a desire or idol because He is holy, set apart. He is the incomparable God! We must be careful not to take this lightly because God will eventually render us futile instead of growing us in His image.

As Christians, we want to be molded by the Potter and not the other way around. Our hearts must aim to please Him-not ourselves. If we get to the point where the desires of my heart overtake my goal in pleasing Him, I will carry out sinful patterns in my behavior in my speech, actions and thinking. If I continue sinning, I will have anxiety, distress, shame, sorrow, or despair and God will need to humble me.

I don't want to ever get to this point. I want to have a heart that is moldable and one that will bring only Him glory. I must interpret life through the grid of His Word, truth and promises. This can only be done when we submit to Him, resist the devil or temptation to sin, draw near to God and repent. When we do this, our behavior will result in righteous actions, thinking and speech and we will experience joy, peace, blessedness, etc. When my heart is right, I can see the goodness of God-I am no longer blinded by my sin and idols. Investing in the things of the Lord is so much greater than investing in the things of the world or catering to the idols of my heart because His way is eternal.

I know that whatever I struggle with, God's way must always reign supreme. I must focus on Him. He is the only one who can change the heart. Transformation is the Lord's job and His timing is perfect no matter when I was born. His transformation is internal and eternal. It doesn't take Him six hours to change someone's gender in a surgery, He doesn't need a tube of hair color and time to process it, He doesn't need a bionic ear, heck, He can just make you hear! No one can ever come close to matching His power. America has nothing on this omnipotent God and praise God for that! This is the incomparable God we're worshipping!

Whom have I in heaven but you?And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail,but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever-Psalm 73:25-26

Who is like you, O Lord, among the gods?Who is like you, majestic in holiness,awesome in glorious deeds, doing wonders?-Exodus 15:11

The Lord is my strength and my song,and he has become my salvation;this is my God, and I will praise him,my father’s God, and I will exalt him-Exodus 15:2

Turn to me and be saved, all the ends of the earth! For I am God, and there is no other-Isaiah 45:22

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.-Ezekiel 36:26-27

And one called to another and said: “Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory!"-Isaiah 6:3

A Balancing Act

Last week, I got my hair highlighted by a friend. I've known her for a long time because my uncle married her sister. Also, she and I went to beauty school together and I went to her wedding. After she did my hair last week, I wrote her a check and I thought I had tipped her fairly well. A couple of days later, she texted me: I just looked at the check you gave me. Did you know that I got married 13 years ago?
I wrote her back: Happy anniversary!
Her response: You filled out the check with my maiden name.
It was funny because I thought she was appreciative of the tip I gave her and I still hadn't understood what she was talking about until her last text! This shows you how tired I've been.

This week I went to the annual NANC conference. It's not short for my friend "Nancy", it stands for National Association of Nouthetic Counseling. Nouthetic comes from the Greek word, to admonish or warn. In other words, NANC is biblical counseling, not to be confused with Christian counseling. Christian counseling is a hybrid of psychology and the Bible and biblical counseling is based on Scripture. NANC is a three day conference with plenary sessions and individual workshops with topics that pertain to counseling. When I choose my workshops, my counselee's issues are in the forefront of my mind and I try to glean whatever wisdom I can so that I can impart it to my counselee.

One of the workshops I attended was called, "Balancing Work and Worship" and I wanted to attend to hear the speaker's point of view on this subject. I wasn't aware that it was geared toward women (it wasn't advertised as being gender-specific) until I noticed that all of the attendees were women. I'm assuming that women were drawn to this topic because they wear many hats-mother, work, church, wife, housekeeper, etc. Additionally, I think many women yearn for balance in all of these areas.

Just like the mom, the woman who works outside the home and the single woman employee, we must all have our priorities straight according to God's standards. We must worship God and not our work. It is easily to get caught up in taking care of everything else but we often times neglect worshipping the One who saved us. While I don't struggle in this area, some women find their identity in their business card or educational accomplishments rather than in Christ.

Whether the woman works inside or outside the home, single or married, she is to bring priority to her household. If a single or married woman works outside of the home, it is more convenient to put your household on the back burner. For me, I struggle in making my household a priority because I am super busy. While I'd love to vacuum more than once during the week, I find it difficult to balance everything else AND get the rest I need. And yet, if you study Proverbs 31, you'll find that great emphasis is for the woman to tend to the needs of her family and home.

As a single person, we are expected to be involved in ministry more than the married person because we can devote more time to Him. While there is a need for rest, I want to make sure I have my priorities straight and not be prodigal with the time the Lord has given me. I love how Venessa Ellen* put it: Time management is ultimately stewardship. Stewardship is managing what God has given us for the purpose of glorifying Him.

In the church, there are many women and men who are not involved in any ministry while there are some who are involved in many ministries. I would categorize myself as the latter. I am involved in two regular ministries and two that are part time or on an as-needed basis. I am not commending myself for the time and work I commit to these ministries but it begs the question, am I doing too much?

I know that this fall is extremely busy and it's going to be this way for a short season, but I know that I should re-evaluate all of my commitments. In the past, I've felt guilty for wanting to shrink my schedule and I've even felt selfish for wanting to rest instead of helping out someone in need. I've come to realize that I serve better when I'm totally useful and well-rested. While I'm called to serve, I am not called to dabble in everything. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE all of the ministries I am involved in, my job, my family and all of the stuff in between, but I know I should limit some of my involvement somewhere. As Venessa Ellen says, "Bloom where you are planted-not everywhere there is a plant"

For you married women, your household is your first priority whether you work outside of the home or you work inside the home. You are a help meet for your husband, the provider. Just as Adam was the keeper of his garden and Eve was his suitable helper, you too are supposed to help your husband tend to the "garden". I know with all of the hustle and bustle of the day's problems, work and chores, it is easy to lose sight of our role as women. We tend to become weary day in and day out but we must remember, God's called you to be faithful to your home-you have a purpose, your identity is in Him. He's using you to encourage your husband and your life is an example for your children that Christ richly has blessed you in your life. So, serve with joy!

An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
she opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
"Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates-Proverbs 31:10-31

*Venessa Ellen was a workshop speaker at NANC this year

Slaving Away

Today, my roommate and I cooked for a friend's wedding. We planned the menu, shopped for the food, cooked the meal and served it at the reception. I even wore black pants and a white shirt to make myself look the professional caterer part. If you know me, I'm not a caterer. I'm not a chef. I'm not a wedding planner. I just enjoy cooking.

I grew up with sports all around me in my family. If you cut my family with a surgical knife, I wouldn't be surprised if the color of their blood was green and yellow (for the A's) or black and gold (for the Steelers) or royal blue and gold (Warriors) or white and blue (for Penn State), etc. Watching sports in my family is a year-round event. While I enjoyed going to the A's games and playing baseball with my siblings and dad, I wasn't into watching sports like my family. Except for that one time I filled in for a player at a Queen of the Mountain tournament in high school, I didn't play for any school teams. Every one of my siblings has been involved on an athletic team in high school. I sometimes felt that I had disappointed my parents because I wasn't really talented athletically. However, it was only in my own eyes that I felt like the black sheep. In retrospect, being athletic wasn't really a virtue that my parents encouraged.

I was involved in things like 4-H, babysitting and being a docent for the local art gallery. There were times when I felt bad that I had nothing to show for my achievements-there weren't tournaments for babysitting (just babysitting marathons), there wasn't a banquet for reading books or an award for making the chili cheese fondue recipe I learned in my microwave cooking class. I mean, which of my siblings or peers could appreciate my skills in giving a tour around an art gallery? As a kid, I really wanted to make my parents proud of me and there were times that I indulged in my own pity parties (nobody else was invited because I was so self-centered) because I thought that poor me wasn't good at sports.

And, as a kid, I really tried my best in school but for some reason, academics didn't seem to come easily for me. Learning to read was difficult for me and then at age 7, it finally clicked. From then on, you wouldn't find me without a book even if it meant getting carsick from reading. In other academic areas, I felt like a blockhead. I don't know if it was that I was truly thick or if academics were harder for me, but I hosted my own pity parties because I wasn't as smart as other members in my family. And while my perspective has changed, I still fight that insecurity that I am not gifted academically and have to remind myself that I'm not totally stupid.

Looking back, I can see that being talented at sports isn't the be all and end all. In fact, other than teaching their own children how to play and stay fit, being athletic hasn't crossed over into other life skills for my siblings. Other than teaching, academics haven't played a huge role in my adult life either.

I could probably attribute the organizational skills and responsibility I learned while babysitting, being a docent and yes, being the historian in 4-H to how I live my life today. That microwave cooking class I took was the impetus for my interest in cooking today. However, if it wasn't for the Lord showing me to get the focus off of myself, I wouldn't be able to use those gifts for His glory. Instead, I'd probably be stuck in my house, reading a book and feeling sorry for my poor, stupid and unathletic self.

Over the course of my spiritual walk, I've learned that I've tipped the balance to the "Pleasing Man" side rather than the "Pleasing God" side. I am convicted for the times that I cared too much what others (including my family and parents) thought of me rather than what God thought of me. I've also learned that while I hate to think of myself as this, I am really selfish and I enjoy the accolades from others. These two combinations create a deadly cocktail that inhibits me from being useful to God.

God doesn't care if we can cook or play sports or if we're academically gifted. He ultimately wants us to serve and rely on Him. The talents we have are from Him and for Him. For me, it always boils down to this: Whatever I do, I am to work for the Lord, not for man because it is the Lord Christ I am serving. I consider myself a slave for Christ-I must please my Master.

Today, as my roommate and I hurriedly set off to cook this morning, I reflected on the fact that I couldn't cook for 73 people without the Lord's strength and hand being involved in it. I couldn't do it well without Him giving me a desire to learn and cook for others. I couldn't have planned everything to go so smoothly without His sovereignty.

I know if you don't have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, all of this sounds foolish. However, I am reminded that the message of the Cross is folly to those who don't know Him, but to those who are saved, it's the power of God. These are the virtues that please my parents-not the strikes that I throw, the good grades in school and certainly not my cooking skills.

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is youra life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory-Colossians 3:1-4



Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ-Colossians 3:23-24

But Moses said to the Lord, “Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.” Then the Lord said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak."-Exodus 4:10-12

Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God-II Corinthians 3:5

The hand of God was also on Judah to give them one heart to do what the king and the princes commanded by the word of the LORD-II Chronicles 30:12

Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen-Hebrews 13:20-21

We are fools for Christ’s sake, but you are wise in Christ. We are weak, but you are strong. You are held in honor, but we in disrepute-I Corinthians 4:10

Up Ahead: Construction Zone

Recently, a former student visited me and I was amazed at her laziness. She graduated from high school and she doesn't do anything. She's not in school, she sleeps in until noon, doesn't have a job and her parents pay for whatever she needs or wants. And while I was appalled that she's not doing anything to progress in life, I realized that when things are handed to you, it's easy to self-indulge. And if you're not living for Christ, you're living for yourself, I shouldn't be surprised by her actions or lack thereof.

When living for Christ, it's such a continual practice to block out my needs, look to others' needs and bring glory to God. As Christians, we are called to "put off" and "put on". We're called to think on things that are noble. We're called to consider others better than ourselves. We're called to resist temptation. We're called to pick up our cross daily and follow Him. We're called to consider ourselves as sold to Christ. We're called to praise Him when we're in the midst of suffering. We're called to bring Him glory in everything we say or do. If anyone thinks that the Christian life is mindless, a crutch or easy-they have another thing coming to them.

If you haven't figured it out already, I have a weakness for griping. It used to be a mindless thing to moan about anything until I was convicted that it was indeed considered complaining. Complaining was not exactly included in the fruits of the spirit. Why is it so easy to embrace the "vegetables" of the spirit and not the fruits? One word: Sin. It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that my answer didn't require much thinking. Not that I intentionally practice sinning on a daily basis, but sin is so pervasive in this world; it is a constant battle to not get caught in it.

This school year has given me reason to complain-the traffic in my morning commute that used to be semi-predictable has been testing my patience. Two of the four freeways I drive are under construction and my commute time has been stretched to an additional 10-30 minutes than it was last year. It is so hard not to get annoyed when traffic slows down to a complete halt and even more aggravating when it is without any apparent reason. I've never been late to work but one day this week, I made it to school by the skin of my teeth. I got to class five minutes before it started. For some teachers, arriving five minutes before class starts is not a problem but I like to make sure everything is exactly in place before class starts.

On the way to school, I noticed that traffic was particularly heavy and I had to turn my radio off because I was feeling overwhelmed and purposely prayed. I first petitioned God as to why the barrage of traffic, that I left an hour early for work, that I just didn't understand why this kept having to happen and that I really needed to be at work on time, etc. If I were to dissect my behavior it would look like this: 1) Slight annoyance 2) Aggravation 3) Panic 4) Complaint 5)Desperation 6)Anger 7)Puzzlement. Last time I checked, these were those things we're supposed to put off. However, my behavior didn't stop here because I have learned to still go to the Lord in the midst of suffering or trials (I know traffic is not suffering, but it felt like it in the moment). I then told the Lord that I didn't understand why I was so close to being late to work but that I knew He is sovereign in everything. At that moment, I knew that behavior actions 1-7 needed to be stopped. I knew that I needed to turn it around as praise for Him for His plan and hand in every aspect of my life. I knew that I needed to have an attitude of thanksgiving because after all, we are to give thanks in every circumstance-even it's a boondoggle.

I am reminded of the Psalms of Lament. David wrote plenty of Psalms beseeching the Father, making known his fears and complaints but he always turned his grief to praise. The Psalms demonstrate the biblical writers' thoughts the same as our own thoughts. We can easily relate to the Psalms because they are written by hurting people and they focus on finding resolve in Jesus Christ. Sometimes the little things in life may irritate us. However, when we focus on the truths found in His Word, we can find joy in the midst of those little irritations and big irritations.

Psalm 63 is about being in the midst of suffering or in the midst of a trial. David writes that his flesh thirsts for God and not water. Doesn't this bring conviction to your heart? Many times, I think I know what will satisfy me, but ultimately, God is the only one who can quench that thirst. Praise God! He is our Living Water and those that turn to Him will never be thirsty. Our joy is made complete in our satisfaction in God rather than physical comforts. Though suffering is not something we can change, we can change our response. We must thirst after our Master and run to Jesus because if we don't, we will be slaves to a ruthless task master where satisfaction will be like a fading leaf.

My life is like a construction zone in California-God's work in my life never stops. He is constantly improving it, shaping me into His image but his work will not perfected here on earth. And while I may be needing to "Slow Down for the Cone Zone" figuratively and literally, I must remember His hand in my life. His plans are full of dips and bumps, but I must not detour from His ways because He is sovereign in everything.

So, though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death, I will fear no one because the Lord is with me every step of the way. I must run to Him and yearn for Him like no other. I know that He hasn't abandoned me and my enemies will not exalt over me because He is for me, not against me. Knowing and focusing on His truths daily remind me that I can overcome evil with good, I can put on joy when I'm feeling sorrow, I can bear my cross daily and bring Him glory in EVERY situation in ALL that I do. Praise God for making that possible in our lives!


1 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

3 Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me-Psalm 13

And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ-Ephesians 5:18-21

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need-Hebrews 4:14-16

1 O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
2 So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,
beholding your power and glory.
3 Because your steadfast love is better than life,
my lips will praise you.
4 So I will bless you as long as I live;
in your name I will lift up my hands.

5 My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,
and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,
6 when I remember you upon my bed,
and meditate on you in the watches of the night;
7 for you have been my help,
and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.
8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

9 But those who seek to destroy my life
shall go down into the depths of the earth;
10 they shall be given over to the power of the sword;
they shall be a portion for jackals.
11 But the king shall rejoice in God;
all who swear by him shall exult,
for the mouths of liars will be stopped-Psalm 63

The Least Appreciated Gift

Do you ever feel so exhausted that sometimes you view your days or weeks as checkboxes on a checklist for that week? My fall is packed, not only during the week, but on the weekend as well. Already, I've coordinated a wedding, for three weekends I will spend 14 hours each weekend sitting at a biblical counseling training at church, go to church, sing in choir, go to a wedding, cook for a wedding and of course, the week has a chockfull of events that sometimes take up two to four nights a week in addition to work.

Earlier this week, I dreaded spending all night Friday and all day Saturday at church. I knew I would be learning great stuff but by Wednesday, I was whipped. The fact that I can sleep in on Saturday (past 5:50) brings me great joy because it's a day without an agenda. As Friday rolled around this morning, I knew that even though school was over at 3, my day was hardly over. So, I drove an hour home, picked up a sandwich for dinner and arrived at church and of course, I was pretty sleepy by the time I sat down. I looked at the schedule and saw that I'd be sitting through four one hour lectures on various topics on counseling others. I jokingly said to a friend, "I was hoping there'd be some single guys in here, I mean, that's the reason I came tonight" because the first lecture was, "Helping Singles Glorify God".

As soon as the lecture began, I was so thankful that I actually signed up for this training. I felt revived and definitely encouraged. My fatigue was strengthened only by God's grace and what I learned tonight was so convicting, encouraging and a reminder that only God is my Reviver and Giver of Life.

It is rare for a topic such as the issues of a single person to be addressed in the Christian church and boy, was it refreshing. When someone speaks on something you can totally relate to, they have validated all of the thoughts, experiences and feelings you've faced and it's
almost impossible to not say, "mmm hmm" or "amen". When it comes to the church culture and and the single person, there are some misconceptions that need to be changed on both sides. If single people don't live according to the Word, they can be an affront to the church. If the church doesn't address single people biblically, they will drive away this valuable asset from their church.

A common misconception amongst the church is that single people have oodles and oodles of time and they shouldn't be frittering away their extra time on things that bring themselves joy.

A couple of years ago while I was attending a singles group at church, the married leaders thought of a serving opportunity for the singles. The leaders arranged for free babysitting on Valentine's Day evening so that the young married couples could go out on a date. I realize that there will be times when we just need to humble ourselves and be ready for ANY service opportunity but in this case, it felt like a slap in the face. Many single people are lonely on Valentine's Day (even if it is a made-up holiday) and to babysit alone for a happily married couple, was like pouring salt on the wounds. However, the hardest aspect for me to deal with was that it was a work night. At the time, I worked in Antioch, drove home and then had to spend another 40 minutes driving to Pittsburg during commute hour to babysit for four or five hours. I was sheer exhausted by the end of the night.

By 5 p.m. on any weekday, single people, just like any working person or parent, are in need of rest. Just like any working person or parent, single people only have 24 hours in their day too.

And while I do work, I try to serve in as many capacities as humanly possible for me because I love the church. Single people, just like married members in the church must be ready to serve in ANY capacity, they must be a blessing to others and seek ways to encourage and edify the body. Cleaning the church toilets is not just the married members' job but the singles' as well-we must be ready to serve with humility and not relegate the grittiest jobs to a "lowly" member.

According to I Corinthians 7, singleness is a gift for some people. However, the church sometimes treats it as a gift that no one wants to have. Single people aren't usually "allowed" to hold a high leadership role because it is believed that marriage and parenthood creates responsibility. The sermons and Sunday School curriculum rarely address singleness as a gift and it may be that the majority of the members in the church have a desire for marriage. Even though many of the members in the church are families or parents, singleness continues to rise whether it's one who has never married, experienced divorce or who has become widowed. The church needs to value singles, be a constant encouragement and demonstrate that God has a significant role for the single person. Being inclusive and reaching out to the single person will allow them to find pleasure in serving others. My friend recently told me about something at her church called, "Dinner for 7". I thought this was a swell idea because it gave a chance for a single person to interact and fellowship with three other couples.

If single people are not pointed in the biblical direction of finding joy in this gift, they will not serve and will only find ways to serve themselves. Having a biblical perspective allows the single person to appreciate the "perks" of being single: more time to serve the Lord, freedom from the constraints of a family or spouse and more flexibility. The speaker on the first lecture tonight said,"Single persons are to glorify God and worship Jesus by using their freedom from worldly concerns to serve the living God."

If you're married, don't be afraid to reach out to the single person and show them love. Many single people are needy because they want acceptance, compassion, and someone who is willing to come aside and encourage them. Don't be surprised when a single person comes to your house on a holiday (like Christmas or Thanksgiving) and stays later than you'd like and maybe past your bedtime-having them over is such a huge ministry and act of love to them.

If you're single, love the church. Serve wherever you can and compensate for those ministries where married people can't devote as much time. Serve with a heart of gladness and find contentment in the presence of Christ.


I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord-I Corinthians 7:32-34

Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it-I Corinthians 12:27.

so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another-Romans 12:5

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him-Colossians 3:16-17

And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. -Luke 9:23

Finding Comfort in Tragedy

Tomorrow is the tenth anniversary of 9/11. As if you didn't know. Actually, it's become so strange to teach and find out that some of my students were as young as four years old and didn't really understand what was going on. My roommate's fifth graders were only a few months old on 9/11 and couldn't tell you what happened that day if it weren't for the videos and photographs.

9/11 for me is like the assassination of JFK for my mom's generation. You remember where you were, your thoughts and fears, your feelings and being glued to the news to find out all that you could. I was teaching preschool then and my sister (she was living on the east coast) called my mom to tell her what was happening since it was only 6 in the morning for us. My mom came into my room and showed me the news on the TV. If school had been cancelled, I would've stayed home to soak up all that I could to get any information on the events of that day.

I have so many memories of that tragic day. I remember looking up at the sky to find that not a plane was in sight for a few days because the FAA had grounded all flights. I remember buying a flag to put on my car to show my patriotism for our country-in fact many others placed flags on their cars as well. I remember our church service the following Sunday. I remember the fact that people couldn't connect with much of the east coast by telephone and desperately wanted to know if their loved ones were alive. Even though I didn't personally know anyone who had died, I was caught up in the happenings of 9/11 and to this day, I still am.

What my students don't realize is that 9/11 changed the face of America. They may see it in movies from the 80s or 90s, but they won't see a non-passenger going up to the airline gate to say goodbye to a friend or family member. They probably didn't know that you could park at the curb and leave your car unattended to help your friend get to their gate or that you didn't have to stay seated within 30 minutes of arrival even if you needed to use the restroom. My students have never experienced an America that was true to itself-they've only been used to a politically correct era where we won't declare who our enemies are or we will not denounce those who attacked us. Sadly, my students have been brought up to be ashamed of our country or believe our country is egocentric. The truth is, declaring what is true is frowned upon these days.

What my students missed out on during the days of 9/11 was the re-focus on God. Yes, it was for a brief minute that some flocked to the churches on the following Sunday, but some truly turned their wicked hearts over to the Lord. There was a heart of desperation that cried out to the Lord because they knew that they couldn't depend on anyone or themselves to relieve their fears. However, it is hard to ignore the sad fact that history does repeat itself. Today, just like the Israelites, Americans have turned to their own gods and reject the true God.

And all is right in this world. If I had made this statement ten years ago, I probably would've been declared the village idiot and that others should never listen to me. However, if you're a Christian, you must believe two things: 1) God is sovereign and 2) things will worsen in this world-they won't get better.

As I've spiritually matured, I've become enamored with the sovereignty of God. Knowing that God is sovereign in all things means that He knew-no, He caused the events of 9/11 to happen. I know that Christians hate to use the term, "caused" because it makes our God out to be cruel but what is the better alternative? Should we use the term, "allowed" as if God passively sits in heaven and allows four airplanes to crash? Did He passively sit and allow for some to die and others to get rescued or escape the tragedy of that Tuesday? Those that were saved believe it was a miracle that they lived and some have questioned as to why they lived while others died. Would it be fair to say that like the "game" 52 Card Pick-Up, God threw the cards up in the air, randomly selected those that would live and those He didn't pick up, would die? Or did God number each one's days and know them completely before they were born? Obviously, I believe the latter.

I can ponder as to God's reasons for causing such an enormity, I can ask Him why, but in the end, I still have to praise Him and be obedient to His ways. I am reminded of God's eloquent response to Job: Can you draw out Leviathan with a fishhook or press down his tongue with a cord? (Job 41:1) If God asked me the rhetorical questions as He did of Job, I would probably have my eyes to the ground and quietly say, "Um, no" as I realized my foolishness in beseeching the Lord as to why I was going through many trials.

While I don't understand God's reasoning in most things, I must choose to trust and obey Him whether it's a monstrosity like 9/11, the recent increase in traffic or the fact that I'm still not married. God is in control and He is a God of structure and order even though it sometimes doesn't feel that way.

Though it would be nice to see an era of God-fearing people, hearts transformed and for morals and ethics to improve, I know that this is not possible during my lifetime. I don't say this to be a "Debbie Downer" but I say it out of hope. I know that Jesus can return any day and when He does, this world will be experiencing trauma worse than 9/11. The false peace that will invade the hearts of many will be shocked when the Lord that they MUST bow down to will return to earth to bring His own with Him. For this day, I eagerly await but I most am eager when perfect justice will reign on earth-the way the world should be-as God has planned.

I know if I declared to be thankful for 9/11, I'd probably be branded as an Islamic Terrorist (I mean, insurrectionist as they were being called a couple of years ago) but in a way, I am thankful for its occurrence. I am saddened for the the lost lives and families of the victims, but I know that I am called to give thanks in every situation-I am trying to do so in obedience to the Lord.

While the events of 9/11 came and passed, it wasn't without the hand of God being involved. It wasn't a surprise to Him because He caused it to happen. I can see that we are on a road to oblivion and that God will soon intervene. I can see how God transformed the hearts of some men and women that were drawn to Him during that time. I love that it is God who is at work in people and that they don't change unless God gets a hold of their hearts and transforms them for His good. Lastly, I can see that God is mighty, omniscient and is sovereign in all aspects of our lives-whether it is 9/11 or if we are still single, desiring a husband.

For you formed my inward parts;you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret,intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them,the days that were formed for me,when as yet there was none of them-Psalm 139:13-16

Is a trumpet blown in a city, and the people are not afraid? Does disaster come to a city, unless the LORD has done it?-Amos 3:6

I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the LORD, who does all these things-Isaiah 45:7

Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that good and bad come?-Lamentations 3:38

“For thus says the LORD: Just as I have brought all this great disaster upon this people, so I will bring upon them all the good that I promise them-Jeremiah 32:42

“O LORD, make me know my end and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting I am!-Psalm 39:4

They have healed the wound of my people lightly, saying, ‘Peace, peace,’ when there is no peace-Jeremiah 6:14

While people are saying, “There is peace and security,” then sudden destruction will come upon them as labor pains come upon a pregnant woman, and they will not escape-I Thessalonians 5:3

so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth-Philippians 2:10

Why I Can't Relate

Recently, I watched a "Seinfeld" rerun where George, Elaine, Kramer and Jerry stood on the street watching a man while he was getting "carjacked". After the foursome cracked jokes as the man yelled for help, they were arrested for not submitting to the "Good Samaritan" law. The Good Samaritan law requires that a person must assist someone in need of help. It is shameful that a law even exists-that some people wouldn't have enough compassion to come to the aid of another of their own volition.

This week, one of my students was admitted to the hospital after having severe pains in her abdominal area. She was in the hospital for three days as the doctors performed various tests to figure out what was ailing her. She hadn't eaten for at least three days and threw up blood. Finally, they figured out that her gallbladder needed to be removed. A couple of years ago, she had a ruptured cyst removed as well as her appendix. She suffers from stomach migraines as well as migraine headaches. As a result of the migraines, she's had memory loss and as long as she's been my student, she has dealt with numerous health issues.

I can't relate. I don't mean to say this glibly as if I don't have compassion for people that have health issues. I have tons of compassion for those who suffer physically. However, since I've never had serious health problems, I can't relate. I've never stayed overnight in the hospital-except when I was born. Yes, I've gone to the E.R. but the most serious injury I've experienced was a broken arm.

I totally take my health for granted. Every morning, I wake up unfazed by any health problems (aside from the occasional stiffness in my body) that daily torment others. While I do have some issues (such as a failing disk in my fifth lumbar, some arthritis in my back, severe allergies, occasional migraines and possibly an over-active vagus nerve), they aren't an impediment to my daily activities or my life in general. With medicine, (if needed) I can control my ailments.

When I come into contact with people who physically suffer daily, I am amazed at their perseverance. My students who have chronic migraines, come to class, pay attention while trying to ignore the piercing pain inside their head. Some even throw up as a result of the pain while I have avoided throwing up for six years now. It makes me wonder why God chose certain people to take on physical suffering and why He chose others to endure emotional suffering. If I delve deeper, why does He allow some families to suffer with physical disabilities? Of course, the answer is: I don't know.

Today, our pastor was talking about the early church asking for boldness and courage to endure persecution. The Christians weren't asking for relief of their suffering-they were beseeching God for strength to face their tormentors. Even though we aren't being persecuted for proclaiming the Gospel-at least not to the extent that the early church experienced, we aren't to shirk what He has already ordained. We are to face it with courage, boldness, knowing that our strength comes from Him alone. On the other hand, it's not sinful to ask for relief from a trial. Paul asked for the "thorn in his side" to be removed but God provided His grace for Paul to endure it.

Jesus' death on the cross was the apotheosis of any suffering we have and will ever experience. This used to be hard for me to understand because I always thought that Jesus never understood what it was like to have cancer or migraines or the emotional ups and downs of being single. After coming to grips with my fallacious way of thinking, I realized that we don't need to play the game of "Tit For Tat" with Jesus because He is omniscient. He experienced physical pain like no other and I have the nerve to say, "But He didn't have cancer." He experienced hunger for 40 days and it is possible that He had a migraine. And if He was impervious to headaches while fasting, think of the cross where He had to endure the physical pain of hanging, that alone could cause a migraine. While Jesus wasn't reportedly unsatisfied with staying single, He experienced loneliness on this earth. At the cross, He was abandoned by the disciples (with the exception of John), his family (with the exception of Mary) and the world hated Him. As if that wasn't enough suffering for one day, Jesus did nothing to deserve it.

Just as Jesus has had compassion on us, we are to have compassion on others as well-even if we can't relate to their particular issue. The fact of the matter is that in some way, we can relate because we too know what it means to suffer. We are to be a support for that person when they are in need. It is our duty as Christians, to bring encouragement, joy, accountability, love and help for those suffering.

When I found out that Bree was at the hospital on Monday, I texted her after school to see how she was doing. Still not knowing what was causing her pain, I asked her if she was praying about it and I reminded her that the Lord knew that this was going to happen long before the foundations of the world. I told her that I was praying as well and to keep me posted. The next day, I had the opportunity to visit her in the hospital. I don't want to come across as this perfect Christian who is perfect in every situation-I'm not here to toot my own horn. To me, it is a reminder that no matter what someone is going through, we can be there for them. We don't have to fully relate because we haven't experienced it ourselves. We tend to have patience for those that experience the same trials we've faced, we even have a higher tolerance for them because we understand the pain that they are enduring. However, we are called to a higher standard: we are to bear each others' burdens.

My job is not to rate another person's sufferings and determine if I can relate or not. I'm not to present my analysis to the Lord in terms of who suffers emotionally versus who suffers physically. I don't need to seek ways to alleviate someone of their suffering. My responsibility is to support, love, care and show compassion for those who suffer-no matter what they face. After all, that's what Jesus does for us consistently when we don't deserve it.

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ-Galatians 6:2

We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves-Romans 15:1

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others-Philippians 2:4

Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up-Romans 15:2

There was not a needy person among them, for as many as were owners of lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold-Acts 4:34

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep-Romans 12:15

Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind-I Peter 3:8