As I've gotten older, I've realized my limitations and I KNOW that there is no way that I can win the race. There is no way that I'll even be in the top 100. With my disk, I can't even run every day because it's too much strain. However, I know that I can push myself harder for a short period and that's one reason I challenge myself in these races-and it's hard.
What I've come to learn with these races is that you have a lot of "think" time and your emotions are all over the map. In the beginning of the race, you just want it to start and for me, the anticipation starts the night before. Once you've chosen your place on the start line (fast people up front, slower in the back), you stretch, hop around, listen to the banter of the runners, take deep breaths and for me, I pray. For as many races that I've run, I still get anxious. I'm not sure why I suffer the anxiety, but I would be devastated if I failed and didn't finish or, what if I walked any of it? Or, what if I took longer than last year? Silly, right? So what? I walked. So what? I took longer. So what? I didn't finish. I'm not purposely being prideful, but I think that's what it boils down to and I have to guard myself against that.
Once I started the race, my pace time was really good (for me) and I was hoping to get six miles within the first hour. However, with the hills and my toe numbing up, my time slowed considerably and six miles was in 65 minutes. Last year, it was bitterly cold and as I ran, I was so thankful for the fog and moisture in the air. As I approached the peak of YgnacioValley Road, it was an amazing sight. The valley below was blanketed in fog. Right then and there, I was in awe of God's gift of His creation and what an encouragement it was to me-if my phone was in my possession, I may have stopped to take a picture like some of the other runners did.
As I approached the ninth mile, I started praying about getting a second wind and trying to beat my time by a huge chunk of time. Sadly though, my toe and back were in tons of pain and there wasn't going to be any second wind of flying into the next four miles. I prayed, I tried to recite verses I knew and focus on the fact that my body is not my own, that my strength isn't my own, that God is the one who gets all the glory and He is the finisher of all races-not me.
There were a couple of times where I just wanted to cry because of the pain or just feeling like the finish line would never come. I was hungry, thirsty and my body was on and off, sweaty and cold. Wouldn't it be great just to be done? I imagined myself taking shortcuts or being at a later mile. I even lost track of how many miles I had left in the race. What a reality when you really have five more miles, not four.
So, as I hit mile 12, I envisioned the 13 mile marker and the finish line. I would start to get excited if I heard the runners talking about it and I'd actually lose my focus. I know that sounds silly, but when you're really tired, you can't envision the finish line-you have to envision the next step. I cannot tell you how far away the 13 mile marker seemed. It felt like it took forever. In my mind, I kept wondering where it was and my anticipation would grow with each step or tenth of a mile, am I almost there yet? As I approached the last incline (which felt like a mountain), my patience was running out: Where was the 13 mile marker??? It seriously dawned on me at that point, why isn't my anticipation for Jesus' return just as great? Weren't the Jews waiting with great anticipation for a Messiah (some believe they still are awaiting a Messiah) over 2000 years ago?
For the 400 years before Jesus' birth, no prophet spoke forth the Word of God to the Jews-in fact God's voice had been silent. It would be no hard thing to imagine the hopelessness some felt as they experienced persecution in Rome. I'm sure there were some that turned their backs on God and scoffed at His promises. I'm sure there were some that clung to Him as He was their only hope. These people anticipated the coming Messiah.
I've been reading an Advent daily devotional that our church has provided us with and have been trying to focus on celebrating not only the Cycle of Light which includes Christmas, but also on the Cycle of Life-the Easter season as well. I've also been struck with my own heart's attitude, am I too content to remain on earth or do I longingly embrace the Lord's return? Is my desire strong enough to say, "Only Jesus" or am I too complacent? I want to run this race of life and live it passionately for Christ. I want Him to be my desire that there would be no mistaking that I am His! I don't want to waiver. I don't want to lose my focus-we've been awaiting a second return for over 2000 years and it feels like forever. I don't want to only marvel at God when things look or seem beautiful, I want to marvel at His ways-the entire way! I don't want to quit and take a shortcut and live my life on "Easy Street" because I know that mountain in the end will hold for me a reward-not first place or even last place or even a medal-it will be Jesus' face I meet-either in the air or in heaven.
I know it's easy to be distracted with the things of this world because we live in it. However, I hope that your willingness to camp at Best Buy for a great deal on Black Friday or wait in line for Joe Dimaggio's autograph or the joy of winning a year's supply of Chik-Fil-A pales in comparison to your fervor of awaiting His second coming. It used to be, "not until I've graduated, not until I'm married and have kids". Now all of that doesn't matter, I (im)patiently say in my heart, "Come Jesus come!"
And Zechariah was troubled when he saw him, and fear fell upon him. But the angel said to him, “Do not be afraid, Zechariah, for your prayer has been heard, and your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you shall call his name John. And you will have joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth, for he will be great before the Lord. And he must not drink wine or strong drink, and he will be filled with the Holy Spirit, even from his mother's womb. And he will turn many of the children of Israel to the Lord their God, and he will go before him in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just, to make ready for the Lord a people prepared.”-Luke 1:12-17
For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given;
and the government shall be upon his shoulder,
and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of his government and of peace
there will be no end,
on the throne of David and over his kingdom,
to establish it and to uphold it
with justice and with righteousness
from this time forth and forevermore.
The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this-
Isaiah 9:6-7
But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.”-
Matthew 1:20-21
He will swallow up death forever;
and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces,
and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth,
for the LORD has spoken.
It will be said on that day,
“Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us.
This is the LORD; we have waited for him;
let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.”-
Isaiah 25:8-9
The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light;
those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness,
on them has light shone-
Isaiah 9:2
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."-Joshua 1:9
For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
On God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God.
Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us.-
Psalm 62:5-8
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