You've Got a Friend in Me

Growing up, my sister and I were best friends. We were close and at night in our bedroom, we'd talk or giggle at the most inane things. Just like any sibling, we'd fight but it was always quickly resolved. We always had each other's backs, she accepted me and we have remained good friends even to this day. However, when my sister got married, our relationship changed. She was in a different role and her goal (other than pleasing the Lord) was to be an excellent wife. This impacted our relationship and spontaneity was a thing of the past. This new change took a while to get used to, but I knew that I needed some other friends if I just wanted to hang out.

When I was in my early 20s, I had a hard time making friends. I knew a lot of people, but our relationship was more friendly than friends. I observed other women quickly become close and to me, it was such a foreign concept. I always thought it was kind of silly to get that close to someone so quickly- it was like they were junior high girls who'd giggle at the most inane things(sound familiar?). I'm not sure if this was a true observation or one that came from envy.

I had a couple of friends but I started to learn that my expectations for a friend might've been unattainable. My ideal friend would be faithful, committed, loyal, supportive and accepted me despite my many flaws. It seemed that many friends wanted a relationship when it was convenient for them. I had a friend who didn't like to plan anything in advance because she wanted to see if something better came along. Sometimes, she flaked out on some of our plans too and I'd start to wonder if there was something wrong with me. I started to see this type of friendship as the norm and frankly, I wasn't fond of it.

When I think of really good friends, I am reminded of my grandmother and her best friend. It is truly my loss that I never got to know my grandma (she died when I was a baby) and her beauty as a person. However, her best friend stuck closer than a sister to my mom for at least thirty years after my grandmother's death-until she herself went Home. She loved my grandmother and was there for her whenever she could. How rare it is to find friends that accept, love and are faithful to each other as these two were!

Oh, how I longed for this in my own life. As a single person, it is easy to become lonely when you don't have a close friend. I had to try and rely on the Lord for acceptance and faithfulness and love. Many days I would come home from work, eat dinner, do more work, go to bed and do the same thing the next day. Don't get me wrong, I was involved in church and other activities but I didn't have a really good friend outside of my family.

When you're single, it takes almost no effort to focus on your loneliness and have a pity party. I'm not discounting the times of discouragement and the natural feelings of sadness we experience but sometimes the focus becomes too myopic. For me, I had given up hope in finding a good friend. I decided that I would be a good friend no matter what but that I wouldn't have many expectations in return. I didn't want to turn off anyone from my high standards and I knew that it wouldn't be a hardship to be faithful, loyal, supportive and accepting without anything in return.

When I started to take that focus off myself, I came up with ideas in how to reach out to people like me. Since I'm fairly good at cooking, I started inviting new people over for dinner before our singles group met. I also invited people I knew so that the "newbie" would feel comfortable in a setting that promoted fellowship rather than just worship. Having dinner at my house became a habit every Thursday night and it was a joy to serve and get to know these fellow Christians. I finally felt like I fit in and even though I didn't have a close friendship with anyone, I was able to serve and take the focus off myself. I experienced true joy because I was serving the Lord without my own flesh getting in the way.

At the end of 2004, I invited a new woman to my house for dinner and as I got to know her, I realized that we had so much in common. We grew up less than three miles away from each other, we had mutual friends growing up, she lived in the same type of house that I did, she was really easy-going, etc. That foreign concept of becoming friends quickly just happened to me. I had no idea what it was like to have a friend who'd do anything for you-even if it was inconvenient. I had no idea what it was like to have someone accept you despite your many flaws-unless of course you were family!

It was evident to me that my friend, Megan was a keeper when she picked up my car from the airport with her sister. Megan hadn't known me for more than two months and she helped me save money by volunteering to get my car while I was away in Colorado. I couldn't believe it, I finally had a friend that would do the same thing I would do without expecting anything in return!

Meeting a friend like Megan was something unexpected and it was a total gift from the Lord. I believe that when we seek the Lord's will, we are blessed by Him. His blessings are not always what we ask or what we originally wished for, but He is always faithful to us.

Please don't misunderstand, the Lord is sovereign and our relationship with Him cannot be "tit for tat"-we must surrender everything to Him. While it is easy to rely on husbands, family and best friends, ultimately it must be on Jesus. He is our Rock and must be our "only". I am reminded of the worship song, "Only Jesus"*. The lyrics commend us to make Him our great delight. We must long for Him! When I was lonely, I was brought to my knees. He was my everything-He accepted me bar none, He loved me, He fulfilled my every need-no one could do this, not a husband, family or best friend. Jesus is the Pearl of greatest price!

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother-Proverbs 18:24

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity-Proverbs 17:17

Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me-Matthew 10:37

But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ-Philippians 3:20

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth-Colossians 3:2


*Only Jesus http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPkO5pLG8d0