One of the Rewards of Heaven: Sweet Fellowship

This morning, I woke up in a grumpy mood. For one thing, I was really tired because I went to bed with a bad headache and had to take some ibuprofin in the middle of the night. Thankfully, the headache was gone when I woke up but I still felt kind of groggy. Also, I knew something was bugging me but I couldn't quite put my finger on it and decided to spend some time praying and reading the Word.

I realized that I have been fighting discouragment this week in regards to my job. In June, the school district attempted to apply for an authorization for me to teach American Sign Language but they were told that I required another piece of paperwork. HR or the California Teaching Commission was not able to give me any idea as to how to obtain this paperwork. However, the good news is that I don't need this paperwork to be re-hired this next school year. While I am glad that I at least am eligible to be re-hired, I don't like having these kinks hanging over my head.

Sometimes I want to hide under my bedcovers and grieve over this hand that God has dealt me. In my head or at God sometimes, I ask, "Why is it so hard? Why must I always deal with bumps in the road to teach? Why me?" Of course I know the answer and so, rather than dwell on my questions, I've learned to say, "Because this is part of God's plan-He has caused all of this to happen for a reason..." In the same breath, I also say, "...and I'm not thrilled with it but I'm going to try and trust Him."

A few years ago, my response to my trials was utter despair. Now, I'm trying to embrace it even though it's not exactly fun. When I use the word, "embrace" I'm not running up to the trial and welcoming it like the Prodigal Son's father. However, I'm not digging my heels in and fighting the trial as if I'm playing "Tug of War" with the Lord. I'm trying to accept what He has in store for me, pray for a trusting and thankful attitude and then leave it at His feet. When I was praying this morning and reading the Bible, I felt a sense of peace afterwards and I had clarity on what was going on in my heart.

The other issue that was bugging me was that I was going to attend a barbecue with the singles group tonight. Normally, when I hang out with my friends, I enjoy the sweet fellowship and their authentic relationship. However, when I attend the single events, there is almost never sweet fellowship because interacting with some of the people is awkward. I'm not trying to come across as this perfect, I've-got-it-all-together single, but I know how to carry a mature conversation. It's hard to have fellowship and depth with someone who is not regularly in the Word and may be socially off.

I know that I am coming across as a snot, but if you ask any single about attending these events, many entertain the same thoughts in their own hearts. I am definitely not justifying my thoughts or feelings, but I am trying to get a grip as to why I dislike attending single groups in general. In the case of most events in my life, I may dread it but when I get there, I leave with a different attitude and am glad that I went. Unfortunately, this is almost never the case when I attend single group events.

So, how does one overcome these feelings? How do you find the balance in the way you spend your time? What about being a blessing to others? Over the years as a single adult, I've gone back and forth in whether I should attend these events out of obligation and sometimes have attended them because I've felt guilty not doing so.

I know that I am already committed to a lot during the course of the year and am involved in my own community group and other ministries. I cannot let guilt or obligation dictate whether I will attend singles events, but I do want to be open to whatever God wants me to do. If He wants me to chat with someone who is not on the same level as me socially, I want to fully obey Him and will try to keep my heart in check with His will.

A few months ago, our pastor reminded the congregation that we are to love God's people, the lovable and UNlovable. To me, that means that I need to reach out to the weird, awkward, single adults and if the conversation stops, I'll talk to another awkward person and continue to make my rounds. I am reminded of Jesus' example when he spent time with the tax collectors and "common" people. To the Pharisees, these people were beneath them to just hangout with and they considered them the rejects. Jesus wasn't concerned with being blessed or having a good conversation-the Father fulfilled all of Jesus' needs.

Tonight and future events, I am going to try to have a different mindset and not worry about finding fulfillment or sweet fellowship. I will try to fix my eyes on Jesus and how He would've handled these situations-He will take care of all my needs and if sweet fellowship doesn't happen now, it will in heaven.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”-Joshua 1:9

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant,being born in the likeness of men-Philippians 2:5-7

And as he reclined at table in his house, many tax collectors and sinners were reclining with Jesus and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, “Why does he eatb with tax collectors and sinners?” And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” Mark 2:13-2:17

My brothers,a show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory. For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, “You sit here in a good place,” while you say to the poor man, “You stand over there,” or, “Sit down at my feet,” have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my beloved brothers, has not God chosen those who are poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom, which he has promised to those who love him? But you have dishonored the poor man. Are not the rich the ones who oppress you, and the ones who drag you into court? Are they not the ones who blaspheme the honorable name by which you were called? If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well. But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors-James 2:1-9