Miss Lonelyheart

When I blog, I always try to make my posts relevant and about something I've gone through during the week. Well, I think it's pretty clear that I am going to write on marriage because my pastor spoke on it last Sunday, I just got back from a wedding in Colorado and someone called me earlier in the week to do hair for a wedding. Can Scotch Tape get any clearer?

Most people that say they love weddings are usually married people. I don't hate weddings. I just hate that they are a reminder that I am single and alone. Throughout the month, week and each work day, I do just fine as a single person. But at a wedding, it's a different story and it's amazing how myopic I can become. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled for the couple and am excited that they can share this day, but it's not without a bit of sadness. I can't ignore the longing in my heart. I go back and forth praying to the Lord, telling Him that I am open to where He wants me and if He wants me to be single, I'm His girl.

If I dissect, dice, chop and analyze my desires and emotions at weddings, I wonder if what I am feeling is temporal or am I a fit for marriage? I know that if I watch any romance movie (especially a couple who is getting married), I feel the same way when I attend a wedding. Does every single person feel this way? Do people who feel called to be single ever feel this way?

Why is it that we want to be cared for and loved by someone who is solely devoted to us? Obviously if marriage wasn't created by God, I would inject myself with the RML shot (Romance, marriage and love) to build an immunity against it. But, knowing that there's a possibility that God could have someone in store for me, I long for marriage. For the single person like me, I know that I have to keep my heart in check about the realities of marriage and God's design for marriage.

Instead of focusing on the work involved in marriage and the spiritual aspect, I tend to focus on the benefits I would receive. How about the husband who gives you a warm embrace each day? How about the husband who compliments you on what you're wearing? How about the husband who holds your hand in his big hand? I know that these things aren't wrong, but as I type them, I can see the self-centeredness that pervades my mind. Ugh, I hate how adroit I am at selfishness. It's not that I don't see myself as being a helpmeet for my husband, but I know that God's design for marriage is to bring glory to Him together.

When I was a kid and throughout my adult years, I've enjoyed the Alfred Hitchcock film, "Rear Window". Jimmy Stewart is stuck in his apartment and can't work due to a broken leg. He resorts to window watching the day-to-day events of people in their apartments across the way. Jimmy Stewart and his nurse call the police after observing a woman who is about to ingest some deadly concoction of pills. However, just before Miss Lonelyheart pops the pills, she is drawn to the haunting music played by a songwriter upstairs. Somehow, she meets this man and we can only assume that a relationship ensues and of course as most movies end, she lives happily ever after. Oh, how easy it would be to, a) just date anyone b) live happily ever after. In the words of Larry, Moe and Curly, "Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck"- yeah right!

Last week, our pastor gave a sermon on marriage and while I don't remember the title, I can remember his basic thesis: it is good to be married.
While I don't disagree, it can be a bit grating to listen to the statistics and benefits of marriage. It was hard not to have a retort or explanation in my head about each statistic/benefit:
1) Married people tend to outlive single people (Well, I guess that means I get to see Jesus first)
2) Married people tend to earn a higher salary than single people (Tax breaks help)
3) Married people tend to have better sex than single people (I don't qualify to be included in this statistic)
4)Married people are happier than single people (While I can see this, I strive for joy as a single Christian despite my status)
If I had heard these statistics when I was in my early 20s, I would not be able to share my tongue-in-cheek retorts because my heart was sensitive to any talk of marriage vs. singleness. In fact, my heart was not in a place where I could find any benefits to being single! But, this sermon was a good reminder of God's design for marriage rather than focusing on my Americanized romantic idea of this holy covenant between a man and a woman.

Lately, I've become increasingly aware of my age. Not only when I am around young kids, but my face seems to have more wrinkles and there are dark circles under my eyes. I am very much aware that if were to have a child now, I'd probably walk with a cane at their high school graduation. If I were a part of the Amish community, I'd be considered a hopeless maidel. However, twice this week I found encouragement in the fact that age has nothing to do with anything when it comes to God's design for marriage.

Earlier this week, when I was asked to do hair for a wedding, I found out that the wedding was on the Friday after Thanksgiving at 2 p.m. at someone's home. I thought this was kind of odd, but what was stranger was the fact that the bride got engaged two weeks ago! When I commented to the bridesmaid about the short amount of time between the two events, she said, "She's 41, and we're just all happy she's found someone!" What a reminder to all prospective brides that feel the need for the perfect, glamorous and storybook wedding-when you're following God's design for marriage, your wedding takes second place to your marriage.

Last night, my 35 year old friend finally got married. What a blessing it was to be at her wedding and to see that after many horrible bouts with dating (she could write a humorous book on her many dating debacles), she met the desire of her eyes. Before she met her husband, she told the Lord that she was done with dating and that she would be satisfied with being single. I believe that when our hearts are right before the Lord, i.e. when we allow only Him to satisfy our longings, He will fulfill our every need.

I know that He will fulfill my every need is true but it takes more discipline to live it out. For me, attending a wedding must not be a place where I focus on my own desires but on the marrying couple. It is a time to bring God praise because He has joined two people in holy matrimony. It is a time to rejoice with those who rejoice. It is a time to give thanksgiving for God's sovereignty in every situation-whether in orchestrating the binding of two people or in keeping me single. For those of you that are married, I would encourage you to reach out to the single person at a wedding. Sit by them if you can, chat, show a genuine interest in getting to know them but most importantly, pray for their hearts to be open to whatever God has for them in store and pray for God to bring comfort to their lonely heart.

Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved-Psalm 55:22

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted-Psalm 25:16

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep-Romans 12:15

Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel-Philippians 1:27


Let not the foreigner who has joined himself to the Lord say,“The Lord will surely separate me from his people”;and let not the eunuch say,“Behold, I am a dry tree.” For thus says the Lord:“To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths,who choose the things that please me and hold fast my covenant, I will give in my house and within my walls a monument and a name better than sons and daughters;I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off-Isaiah 56:3-5

For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness-Psalm 84:10