The Least Appreciated Gift

Do you ever feel so exhausted that sometimes you view your days or weeks as checkboxes on a checklist for that week? My fall is packed, not only during the week, but on the weekend as well. Already, I've coordinated a wedding, for three weekends I will spend 14 hours each weekend sitting at a biblical counseling training at church, go to church, sing in choir, go to a wedding, cook for a wedding and of course, the week has a chockfull of events that sometimes take up two to four nights a week in addition to work.

Earlier this week, I dreaded spending all night Friday and all day Saturday at church. I knew I would be learning great stuff but by Wednesday, I was whipped. The fact that I can sleep in on Saturday (past 5:50) brings me great joy because it's a day without an agenda. As Friday rolled around this morning, I knew that even though school was over at 3, my day was hardly over. So, I drove an hour home, picked up a sandwich for dinner and arrived at church and of course, I was pretty sleepy by the time I sat down. I looked at the schedule and saw that I'd be sitting through four one hour lectures on various topics on counseling others. I jokingly said to a friend, "I was hoping there'd be some single guys in here, I mean, that's the reason I came tonight" because the first lecture was, "Helping Singles Glorify God".

As soon as the lecture began, I was so thankful that I actually signed up for this training. I felt revived and definitely encouraged. My fatigue was strengthened only by God's grace and what I learned tonight was so convicting, encouraging and a reminder that only God is my Reviver and Giver of Life.

It is rare for a topic such as the issues of a single person to be addressed in the Christian church and boy, was it refreshing. When someone speaks on something you can totally relate to, they have validated all of the thoughts, experiences and feelings you've faced and it's
almost impossible to not say, "mmm hmm" or "amen". When it comes to the church culture and and the single person, there are some misconceptions that need to be changed on both sides. If single people don't live according to the Word, they can be an affront to the church. If the church doesn't address single people biblically, they will drive away this valuable asset from their church.

A common misconception amongst the church is that single people have oodles and oodles of time and they shouldn't be frittering away their extra time on things that bring themselves joy.

A couple of years ago while I was attending a singles group at church, the married leaders thought of a serving opportunity for the singles. The leaders arranged for free babysitting on Valentine's Day evening so that the young married couples could go out on a date. I realize that there will be times when we just need to humble ourselves and be ready for ANY service opportunity but in this case, it felt like a slap in the face. Many single people are lonely on Valentine's Day (even if it is a made-up holiday) and to babysit alone for a happily married couple, was like pouring salt on the wounds. However, the hardest aspect for me to deal with was that it was a work night. At the time, I worked in Antioch, drove home and then had to spend another 40 minutes driving to Pittsburg during commute hour to babysit for four or five hours. I was sheer exhausted by the end of the night.

By 5 p.m. on any weekday, single people, just like any working person or parent, are in need of rest. Just like any working person or parent, single people only have 24 hours in their day too.

And while I do work, I try to serve in as many capacities as humanly possible for me because I love the church. Single people, just like married members in the church must be ready to serve in ANY capacity, they must be a blessing to others and seek ways to encourage and edify the body. Cleaning the church toilets is not just the married members' job but the singles' as well-we must be ready to serve with humility and not relegate the grittiest jobs to a "lowly" member.

According to I Corinthians 7, singleness is a gift for some people. However, the church sometimes treats it as a gift that no one wants to have. Single people aren't usually "allowed" to hold a high leadership role because it is believed that marriage and parenthood creates responsibility. The sermons and Sunday School curriculum rarely address singleness as a gift and it may be that the majority of the members in the church have a desire for marriage. Even though many of the members in the church are families or parents, singleness continues to rise whether it's one who has never married, experienced divorce or who has become widowed. The church needs to value singles, be a constant encouragement and demonstrate that God has a significant role for the single person. Being inclusive and reaching out to the single person will allow them to find pleasure in serving others. My friend recently told me about something at her church called, "Dinner for 7". I thought this was a swell idea because it gave a chance for a single person to interact and fellowship with three other couples.

If single people are not pointed in the biblical direction of finding joy in this gift, they will not serve and will only find ways to serve themselves. Having a biblical perspective allows the single person to appreciate the "perks" of being single: more time to serve the Lord, freedom from the constraints of a family or spouse and more flexibility. The speaker on the first lecture tonight said,"Single persons are to glorify God and worship Jesus by using their freedom from worldly concerns to serve the living God."

If you're married, don't be afraid to reach out to the single person and show them love. Many single people are needy because they want acceptance, compassion, and someone who is willing to come aside and encourage them. Don't be surprised when a single person comes to your house on a holiday (like Christmas or Thanksgiving) and stays later than you'd like and maybe past your bedtime-having them over is such a huge ministry and act of love to them.

If you're single, love the church. Serve wherever you can and compensate for those ministries where married people can't devote as much time. Serve with a heart of gladness and find contentment in the presence of Christ.


I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord-I Corinthians 7:32-34

Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it-I Corinthians 12:27.

so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another-Romans 12:5

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him-Colossians 3:16-17

And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. -Luke 9:23