He is not Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone

This week I realized that I've forgotten what it feels like to long for a husband and long for motherhood. Perhaps it was because I had more time to ponder these things as I was not working or perhaps it was that I spent my week with kids. Today, while I was at the airport, I saw a mom and her three kids waiting to be picked up. When the daughter spotted her dad pulling up in the car, she ran to him and gave him a big hug. He embraced her as well as the other two kids and his wife. I teared up when I saw it.

I was reminded once again that I am not fully satisfied to stay single. While I have looked for ways to make the most of my singleness by becoming more involved with different ministries, my heart still aches with loneliness.

Over the years, I have tried to focus my thoughts on pleasing the Lord rather than indulging in self-pity. However, I still have some spells of sadness. Going to weddings are sometimes difficult to attend-my single status stands out like red ink on a corrected essay. Being around couples who interact with each other, watching movies with love stories, hanging around with women with babies all remind me that I indeed am missing out. As much as I'd like to be, I'm not immune to the yearning feelings.

When trying to overcome these feelings, I am reminded of the Psalms of lament. These Psalms show David when his morale is so low that it seems that one more thing may undo him. It is perfectly normal to experience feelings of sadness, despair, discouragement and hopelessness but turning those feelings to absolute praise and joy makes the Believer different. I know that the Lord has perfectly orchestrated my life and whatever has or hasn't happened is because He has caused it. Amos 3:6 reminds us of His absolute sovereignty, He is not a passive God who puts His hands on His cheeks like Macaulay Culkin in "Home Alone" as if to say "ahhh, oh no, what have I done?!" No, my God is all powerful, perfect in every way, all knowing and His love completes me. Marriage, relationships, romance are just a blip on the eternal spectrum and if true worship of my Savior is not my first priority, then my worship is not sincere devotion to a jealous God.

When I have the perspective that the Lord is sovereign in EVERYTHING, I must make a choice in my response: either throw a fit, complain and wallow in my pity party or re-focus, have a heart of thanksgiving, praise Him for the good and the bad and truly worship Him. I am reminded of Job who lost everything-10 kids, his possessions, integrity, health, etc. and after all of these calamities, he still worshipped the Lord. Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped.And he said, "Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD." -Job 1:20-21

My life of loneliness is NOTHING compared to Job or even what Jesus felt on the cross when the Father looked away or when the disciples abandoned Him while He suffered for my sins. My plight of singleness is a blip on the spectrum of the eternity I will spend with my Master in heaven someday. With that, I choose to worship the God of all comforts even if my single status is permanent.