It is Fin...

Back in the day (as if the 80s and 90s were that long ago!) when I was in school, the internet wasn't accessible to students and most families didn't own a computer-how hard is that to believe?!! In college, we copiously took notes via pen or pencil. We couldn't ask the professor to slow down on the lecture, we were expected to keep up. Also, most of us didn't own a cell phone, and if we did, we didn't have a built-in camera.

Back to the future or  to the present, I mean. Do you know what my kids (as in, my students) do when they need to take notes? They ask to take a picture of the board with their cellphone. Now, I know that these kids are not of the notion that using less paper would leave a smaller carbon footprint. Maybe some of them are EPA-oriented, but most of these kids are the same kids who toss their can of soda or water bottle into my garbage rather than getting up out of their seat to toss it in the recycle bin. And I can assure you that their reason to take a picture is not because they are efficient-you should see their backpack before I've asked them to find a pen! And I can assure you that they are not spending any extra time studying those notes when they have extra time from the phone that they take everywhere. Nope, there is one HUGE reason that they ask to take a picture of the notes on the board-yes, the "L" word-drum roll, please: they are LAZY and it's unabashed laziness too! It is so opposite of the way I operate.

If anyone knows me, I strive to do my best in everything. I am not particularly good at anything, but I strive for success and I work hard at whatever needs to be done. As a teacher, I can see the character of my students in the way their grades and classwork plays out. I can see the F student who much of the time could care less (not all are this way, but it really is hard to fail a class if you do all of the work) and the A student who much of the time works hard to earn the grade. However, it is not uncommon for some of my A students to want to take the easy way out and avoid the hard work involved in maintaining their grade.

Today, I was mulling over this morning's sermon in my mind and Kent (one of our pastors) was talking about how pride rears its ugly head in places you least expect it. He gave a plethora of practical examples as to how we're all affected by pride. And, I didn't want to be prideful so I was trying to figure out where I fell into those examples.

However, I just couldn't see how pride affected my life-I'm so, so kidding. I totally have areas of pride where I am convicted and where I haven't been convicted yet. Like, I know that I sometimes have expectations of people or even of God that I think should be fulfilled. Or, I can be prideful about how disciplined I am about certain things. Or,one of the areas that I've been convicted about is my self-imposed guilt. My pride won't allow me to succumb to a standard lower than what I expect of myself. I sometimes find myself bathing in self-imposed legalism rather than the grace which the Lord has so generously lavished on us. It's interesting how the Lord can use other people, things, examples or SERMONS to show us areas in which we need to improve.

I know it sounds like I'm jumping from one thing to the next, but in my mind, it all makes sense and my thoughts really are cohesive. Before Kent preached, we had communion. Kent read Isaiah 52 and 53 and I was totally in awe of 53:10-11.God, the Father was not only pleased to crush Jesus and put Him to grief on the cross-He was satisfied in the sacrifice. Jesus' work on the cross was a job well done-not half-hearted or done casually.

I kept thinking, what if Jesus was carrying the cross after being scourged and then arrived to Golgotha and said, 'Okay guys, I'm done. I don't feel like being nailed up on the cross-I'm too tired' or 'I just feel burned out and I don't really have any motivation to hang' or 'What's in it for me? If I'm not affected, why does it matter if I die, I've already been beaten, isn't that enough?' or 'Guys, couldn't we find an easier way to do this?'. I couldn't help but crack up to myself,  (in church, during communion), what if Jesus said, "It is fin"? In French, fin means "the end" but I meant it in my head as if Jesus was incompletely finishing His work on the cross.

Thankfully, Jesus paid the price for our sin and completed His work on the cross. He also set an example of working even when things are hard, even when the results don't affect us, when we don't reap the benefits or understand the purpose or when we're dog-tired. Christ's work on the cross is a reminder to me that we can face the hard things in life and that we are to do our best-not for ourselves, but for Him.

I am not afraid of hard work and I refuse to be lazy. I always do my best, but whose glory is it for? I have to be careful in my heart not to get prideful about working hard-it is God who is always at work in me. It is God who must receive the glory and ALL results are His. We are supposed to work hard  in everything as working for the Lord. We are to bring Him glory in everything we do.  However, nothing I do is achieved on my own-to God be the glory!

Yet it was the will of the LORD to crush him;
he has put him to grief;
when his soul makes an offering for guilt,
he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days;
the will of the LORD shall prosper in his hand.
Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied;
by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant,
make many to be accounted righteous,
and he shall bear their iniquities.-Isaiah 53:10-11 

rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man,-Ephesians 6:7 

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.-Colossians 3:17 

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.-1 Corinthians 10:31 

Anticipation and Finishing the Race

Yesterday, I ran a half marathon. I am not a fan of running. Running is super hard for me and given that I have a failing disk, hammertoe and a non-runner's body, it's something I'd rather not have in my life. Do I hate it? I think so. So many people ask me why I do it. "If you hate it, why do you do it?" Don't we all do something we hate to do? I guess for me, running a half marathon or any race is a challenge. As long as I've been alive, I've embraced (well, "embrace" may be too much of a positive word) challenges, especially when they are hard. I'm not saying I'm good at anything I do, but I like feeling accomplished afterwards.

As I've gotten older, I've realized my limitations and I KNOW that there is no way that I can win the race. There is no way that I'll even be in the top 100. With my disk, I can't even run every day because it's too much strain. However, I know that I can push myself harder for a short period and that's one reason I challenge myself in these races-and it's hard.

What I've come to learn with these races is that you have a lot of "think" time and your emotions are all over the map. In the beginning of the race, you just want it to start and for me, the anticipation starts the night before. Once you've chosen your place on the start line (fast people up front, slower in the back), you stretch, hop around, listen to the banter of the runners, take deep breaths and for me, I pray. For as many races that I've run, I still get anxious. I'm not sure why I suffer the anxiety, but I would be devastated if I failed and didn't finish or, what if I walked any of it? Or, what if I took longer than last year? Silly, right? So what? I walked. So what? I took longer. So what? I didn't finish. I'm not purposely being prideful, but I think that's what it boils down to and I have to guard myself against that.

Once I started the race, my pace time was really good (for me) and I was hoping to get six miles within the first hour. However, with the hills and my toe numbing up, my time slowed considerably and six miles was in 65 minutes. Last year, it was bitterly cold and as I ran, I was so thankful for the fog and moisture in the air. As I approached the peak of YgnacioValley Road, it was an amazing sight. The valley below was blanketed in fog. Right then and there, I was in awe of God's gift of His creation and what an encouragement it was to me-if my phone was in my possession, I may have stopped to take a picture like some of the other runners did.

As I approached the ninth mile, I started praying about getting a second wind and trying to beat my time by a huge chunk of time. Sadly though, my toe and back were in tons of pain and there wasn't going to be any second wind of flying into the next four miles. I prayed, I tried to recite verses I knew and focus on the fact that my body is not my own, that my strength isn't my own, that God is the one who gets all the glory and He is the finisher of all races-not me.

There were a couple of times where I just wanted to cry because of the pain or just feeling like the finish line would never come. I was hungry, thirsty and my body was on and off, sweaty and cold. Wouldn't it be great just to be done? I imagined myself taking shortcuts or being at a later mile. I even lost track of how many miles I had left in the race. What a reality when you really have five more miles, not four.

So, as I hit mile 12, I envisioned the 13 mile marker and the finish line. I would start to get excited if I heard the runners talking about it and I'd actually lose my focus. I know that sounds silly, but when you're really tired, you can't envision the finish line-you have to envision the next step. I cannot tell you how far away the 13 mile marker seemed. It felt like it took forever. In my mind, I kept wondering where it was and my anticipation would grow with each step or tenth of a mile, am I almost there yet? As I approached the last incline (which felt like a mountain), my patience was running out: Where was the 13 mile marker??? It seriously dawned on me at that point, why isn't my anticipation for Jesus' return just as great? Weren't the Jews waiting with great anticipation for a Messiah (some believe they still are awaiting a Messiah) over 2000 years ago?

For the 400 years before Jesus' birth, no prophet spoke forth the Word of God to the Jews-in fact God's voice had been silent. It would be no hard thing to imagine the hopelessness some felt as they experienced persecution in Rome. I'm sure there were some that turned their backs on God and scoffed at His promises. I'm sure there were some that clung to Him as He was their only hope. These people anticipated the coming Messiah.

I've been reading an Advent daily devotional that our church has provided us with and have been trying to focus on celebrating not only the Cycle of Light which includes Christmas, but also on the Cycle of Life-the Easter season as well. I've also been struck with my own heart's attitude, am I too content to remain on earth or do I longingly embrace the Lord's return? Is my desire strong enough to say, "Only Jesus" or am I too complacent? I want to run this race of life and live it passionately for Christ. I want Him to be my desire that there would be no mistaking that I am His! I don't want to waiver. I don't want to lose my focus-we've been awaiting a second return for over 2000 years and it feels like forever.  I don't want to only marvel at  God when things look or seem beautiful, I want to marvel at His ways-the entire way! I don't want to quit and take a shortcut and live my life on "Easy Street" because I know that mountain in the end will hold for me a reward-not first place or even last place or even a medal-it will be Jesus' face I meet-either in the air or in heaven.

I know it's easy to be distracted with the things of this world because we live in it. However, I hope that your willingness to camp at Best Buy for a great deal on Black Friday or wait in line for Joe Dimaggio's autograph or the joy of winning a year's supply of Chik-Fil-A pales in comparison to your fervor of awaiting His second coming. It used to be, "not until I've graduated, not until I'm married and have kids". Now all of that doesn't matter, I (im)patiently say in my heart, "Come Jesus come!"



And Zechariah was troubled when he saw him, and fear fell upon him. But the angel said to him, “Do not be afraid, Zechariah, for your prayer has been heard, and your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you shall call his name John. And you will have joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth, for he will be great before the Lord. And he must not drink wine or strong drink, and he will be filled with the Holy Spirit, even from his mother's womb. And he will turn many of the children of Israel to the Lord their God, and he will go before him in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just, to make ready for the Lord a people prepared.”-Luke 1:12-17 


For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given;
and the government shall be upon his shoulder,
and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of his government and of peace
there will be no end,
on the throne of David and over his kingdom,
to establish it and to uphold it
with justice and with righteousness
from this time forth and forevermore.
The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this-

Isaiah 9:6-7 

But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.”-

Matthew 1:20-21 

He will swallow up death forever;
and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces,
and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth,
for the LORD has spoken.
It will be said on that day,
“Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us.
This is the LORD; we have waited for him;
let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.”-

Isaiah 25:8-9 

The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light;
those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness,
on them has light shone-

Isaiah 9:2 

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."-Joshua 1:9 


For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
On God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God.
Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us.-

Psalm 62:5-8 

Where is the Love?!

Recently, I was talking to one of the counselors at church in the counseling office as I waited for my counselee. She had just told me that she had had a rough meeting with one of her counselees because she had to confront her on some of her sin issues. The counselee didn't respond well to her counselor's observation and confrontation. I totally understand this-from the counselor's viewpoint and the counselee's viewpoint.

As a counselor, you pray for the Holy Spirit to give you the words to say and to guide you throughout each session. And boy, when you aren't well-received, it's like being sucker punched. You question everything; the way you counsel, your motives and you fight discouragement. You even question if this ministry is your forte. But, as a counselee, it's hard when someone confronts you on something that is either embarrassing and shameful-becoming defensive is your natural M.O. 

I hate confrontation of any sort. To me, it's not easy to do and it's not easy to take. I don't know which is worse, but they both cause me some sort of angst. Over the years, the Lord has been teaching me to not immediately put my guard up and defend myself. I'm not cured of this horrible "Disease of Defense", but I've been trying to humble myself so that I can learn from the one who is confronting me. Instead of excusing myself to the person who is confronting me, I'm trying to appreciate their reasons, take it to heart and examine myself to see if real change needs to take place. Argghh, so hard to do. It almost makes my stomach curdle thinking about it.

However, you know what I've been struggling with more? Being the one who needs to confront. As a teacher, I am constantly torn between confronting students or ignoring issues. For me, it would be easier to just let things go. Sometimes, the problem doesn't go away and worsens because I didn't address it in the first place. Sometimes, the problem is such a sensitive topic that in my mind, it might be better left unsaid so that there isn't any conflict or hurt feelings. I've been wary of this in my own heart because while I want to be at peace with all men, I want to be balanced and not avoid them.

This subject of confrontation has been on my mind of late. It's not that I have someone in mind that I need to confront, but because I tend to avoid confrontation rather than approach the person. There are a plethora of reasons for my steering far, far away from confronting someone, but I've been wondering if it's been as beneficial as I originally intended it to be. These are just a few, to start:

1) Fear. I sometimes fear what others will think of me. I fear how they will react and if they will be mad at me if I confront them. What if I lose them as a friend? We  are called to fear God and need to be consumed with what He thinks of us-not man. If someone becomes angry with us, or our ties are broken when we've confronted them, we need to remember that God is sovereign in all relationships and all situations. 

2) Inconvenience. Confronting them may be inconvenient and there hasn't been a "right" time to speak with them on the subject. While there is a time for everything and wisdom in where and when to broach an issue with a person, we should make the best effort to pursue that right time. 

3) Failure to trust in the Lord for the outcome. Sometimes, I can get in the mode of, "What difference will it make, they aren't going to change?" Oh come on, isn't our God in the heart-changing business? What if God put it on our hearts to approach this person?

4) Ruffling of feathers. What if we get into a fight? What if they are defensive? What if our friendship/relationship is ruined. Who wants to rock the boat when it is sinking? No one ever wants to do this but we need to have courage and speak the truth in love.

5) Going to the other extreme of not wanting to offend or appear judgemental. I'd prefer someone to say, "Hey, your nose is running, go get a Kleenex" rather than walking on eggshells so as not to hurt my feelings. None of us are perfect, but we are to encourage each other in our walks-if this means confronting, we can't shy away from it. If confronting is from a heart of love, then it's not judgemental.

6) Sucking it up. I'll just suck up the offense and move on, except this doesn't always bode well when you have an excellent memory such as mine. Even if we were personally hurt, we are called to absorb the injury-love is long-suffering. Loving is confronting, not avoiding.I'm not saying to pounce on someone every time they offend you- we are also called to be gentle and patient with everyone.

While I need to address my own sins before confronting someone, I need to also examine my motives before doing so. Am I confronting because I genuinely want them to become more sanctified or do I just want them to stop offending me? If it's for the latter reason, then I am confronting for the wrong reasons. 

I've been thinking about my lack of confronting and I shamefully admit that I am motivated by self-love rather than love for that person. As a Christian, I'm supposed to come alongside, edify, hold accountable and LOVE that person so that they can grow in their walk-not watch as they stumble and fall and hope that they catch themselves. 

We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, “The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me.” For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God-Romans 15:1-7 

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ-Galatians 6:2 

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others-Philippians 2:4

And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all-1 Thessalonians 5:14 

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away-1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Google: How to have joy all of the time

On Fridays in my classes, we have a time that is called, "How are you?" The kids enjoy it because there are five random questions on the board in which they can each answer two aloud. For example, the first question is always the same: What are your highlights and "lowlights" of the week? and then the others are usually fun and lighthearted. Last week, one of the questions was: Do you self-diagnose yourself when you're sick? Some of the kids said that when they were younger, they would "Google" their symptoms to find out their ailment. What I find amusing about this, is that these kids only know "Google" and to step foot into a library to do any research is a foreign concept-they wouldn't even know where to begin. 

Even though most of my life has been without Google, I use it like we've been best friends all of our lives. When I need a definition, why go to that big 'ol antiquated book called a "dictionary"? Why look at a map when you have Google to show you how to get there, plus the map (if you're so inclined)? Why learn anything from a book, medical journal, gossip magazine, newspaper when you have Google? Why try to find a Bible verse in the Bible when you can just "Google" part of it and find the reference faster than you can say the reference? It seems that Google is omniscient and omnipresent (almost literally) and omnipotent-well, hyperbole gets the best of me because I'm equating Google with God. And, this I know is NOT true. 

What Google can't do is answer or reveal the mysteries of God. I'd like to know, how does our body and its chemical make-up affect our emotions? How come I can go to bed early one night and wake up exhausted the next day? While these questions are real, my most important query is why don't I always feel joy even when I stay in close communion with Him? 

Lately, I've been struggling to wake up each morning with joy. I tell myself to be thankful, I pray, I read the Bible and mostly, I try to focus on the Cross and Christ's ultimate sacrifice. Everything has been looking bleak to me: I've been overwhelmed at school, prepping and teaching three different levels is taxing, my colleague is in jail and does not have a court date until January 2013 and I started to become sad thinking of her in there during Thanksgiving and Christmas, my students have not been on their best behavior, 2012 has been my personal financial recession and so on. These things wear on you and I've allowed them to become my daily clothing this week.  I've started to wonder if I have biological problem, do I have a hormone imbalance? This thought crossed my mind this morning and I decided to "Google" it. 

Then the Edison light bulb (today is the anniversary of his death and I so I must give him props) shines brightly above my head. If indeed I do have a hormone imbalance, then does that excuse me from having joy? Does that give me permission to revel in those ivy-like thoughts that choke my divine ecstasy? Let me give a Paulian answer: No, may it never be! 

If you're a woman, you may be more prone to succumbing to those hormonal moments. Let me encourage you to be on guard. We all have our ups and downs emotionally sometimes, but we need to guard our hearts from letting these infest our thoughts. Besides practically tearing up when I saw a horse's tail (only his hair) stuck outside of the trailer while I was on the freeway, all of my other thoughts carry a true weight of sorrow. As a Christian, I must be aware that when I feel overwhelmed by life, I do not need to nurture those cumbersome feelings and thoughts. Besides, isn't my God omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent and is in charge of everything in life? 

Let me encourage you in this: When you do succumb to your emotions and you feel like crawling into a hole, don't beat yourself up for not having the perfect and most holy reaction. I don't know about you, but I become grieved by the fact that my response was not the most perfect, God-pleasing, Spirit-filled reaction there could ever be. Instead, confess it to the Lord. Focus on the fact that our gracious and compassionate God does not expect us to behave and respond perfectly to trials and move on. Don't marinate on what you should have done, sometimes this is fodder for the enemy to remind you that you don't deserve forgiveness from the Lord. Instead, learn from your mistakes, make a mental note on how to respond biblically next time and be teachable-why do you think the concept of sanctification exists??!!!

Sometimes life and circumstances are overwhelming, but with God, anything is possible. It is not His desire for us to worry about our problems. It is not pleasing to Him when we get bogged down in our own grief that we become myopic. We can get through each day because He ordained it. We can find joy because all of us who are weak and heavy-laden should take it to the Lord in prayer.  We do have a friend in Jesus-He is the Ultimate friend who will never leave us, forsake us, flake out on us and will always be our joy-giver! 

Restore to me the joy of your salvation,

and uphold me with a willing spirit-Psalm 51:12 

Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love,

that we may rejoice and be glad all our days-Psalm 90:14 

Rejoice in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven; for so their fathers did to the prophets-Luke 6:23 

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance-Romans 5:3

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you;

my flesh faints for you,

as in a dry and weary land where there is no water-Psalm 63:1

I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord;

I have no good apart from you.”-Psalm 16:2; 

The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;

you hold my lot-Psalm 16:5 

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things-Philippians 4:8 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us-Hebrews 12:1 

My Last Words

The anniversary of September 11 is sobering and the footage is surreal. Because I was sick on September 11 this year, I didn't spend much time watching anything commemorating it. However, this weekend, I found a documentary on the voicemails left by the victims in the World Trade Center towers. These voicemails  conveyed messages of panic or comfort to the person that they were calling. Some of the victims would tell their husband, wife, mom, dad, brother or sister that they loved them and that they would call later. Or, they would tell them they wanted them to know that they loved them always. These were pretty much their last words.

This got me thinking, "what would my last words be here on earth if I knew that death was possibly imminent?" Would I be calm? Would I be panicked? What would I do?

Every morning, on my way to work, I do a variety of things to keep myself entertained while in traffic. I usually listen to talk radio and the news. Even though I read the news every morning, I still like to listen to the  political discussions. As much as I listen to the banter of politicians, I listen to stay informed. However, lately I've been taking too much of the happenings of this world to heart-to the point of worry.

Maybe worry is too strong of a word to describe what goes on inside my heart-I like, "fret" better. The other morning, in light of American ambassadors being attacked and the snubbing of Israel's prime minister, I had to turn the radio off. I instead listened to my choir music. 

If I really dwell on it, I am fearful of what holds for the future. Not because I'm single, but mainly because I'm afraid of suffering. I think I am fearful because biblically, I know the world is going to get worse than what it is now, it's not going to get better. And frankly, I don't want to be a part of the world when it's at its worse. I am afraid.

I want to say that it is coincidental that all these thoughts and events have caused me to start thinking about this stuff, but my faith is mature enough to know that God is sovereign and coincidences don't truly exist. It's not coincidental that I've been reading Acts to see that Paul, Peter, Stephen and other apostles considered it a privilege to die for the sake of Christ. It isn't a coincidence that 9/11 happened. It isn't a coincidence that America is only a quasi ally to Israel. It isn't a coincidence that our ambassadors were killed or attacked last week.

So, if I know this, why am I so grieved and fearful? Why is it that I can't embrace the suffering that is and will continue to occur in my lifetime? Have I been dealing with what is now commonly coined as "first world" problems? I started a book by John Piper and Justin Taylor called "Suffering and the Sovereignty of God" and there's a sentence that talks to the readers and how you may be heading into a time of suffering totally unprepared. Yikes!

The authors' "warning" to their readers made me uncomfortable.  I had to in my head say, "first let me put on my catcher's mitt and buffer this next trial that is coming at me" and then breathe a sigh of relief.

And then two huge flaws popped out like mushrooms poking through the ground:
1) Being comfortable
I know that I am a creature of habit and I enjoy being comfortable. I buy my shoes according to how they feel. I wear "comfy" clothes on the weekend. I crank up the air when I am hot.
2) Expecting the worst
I sometimes live life in a way where I am looking for the next punch or to be more consistent with the above example, waiting for the next ball to hit my face (which it did in high school and I had braces too, but that's a story for another time).

As I think about these things, I have to pinch myself or perhaps slap my face and remind myself that I am a Christian. The fretting and the fear is not from the Lord and I am not living like I am a person with hope. I am not clinging to His truths or comfort. I am not even putting on a smattering of the Armor of God.

Where is that attitude of Queen Esther (I like Hadassah better, but I'm a little biased because that's my oldest niece's name), "if I perish, I perish"?? And why fret about dying when you will finally meet the famous One?!! 

Christopher Love was a protestant preacher in the 1600s and was martyred for his faith. While he awaited

execution, he wrote a letter to comfort his wife. At the end of his letter, he wrote: "My dear, I bid thee to be satisfied. My heart is greatly comforted in God. I can quietly submit to the good pleasure of His will, and I hope thou dost so also. I am delivered by the determinate counsel of God; the will of the Lord be done. Read for thy comfort when I am dead and gone, Jeremiah 49:11 and the beginning of 12; Isaiah 9:6-8; Psalm 5:6 and 146:9; II Corinthians 4:17-18 and Hebrews 12:6-7"*

 I know that sooner or later, we as Americans will face persecution like some of our Christian counterparts that are in Egypt, Libya, Yemen, China, etc. Will I be afraid? Yes. But as a Christian, I hope my last words will be of comfort to someone. I hope that my heart will remain peaceful. I hope that I will stand firm on God's promises and that I will be proud to suffer for the sake of Jesus Christ.

He changes times and seasons; he removes kings and sets up kings; he gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding;-Daniel 2:21


Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak-Ephesians 6:10-20 


Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing-James 1:2-4


Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name-Acts 5:41 






Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen-Hebrews 13:20-21 



*http://www.lookupfellowship.com/2012/04/last-words-of-christopher-love.html

What The Girl Scouts Taught Me

On Friday, I left with my roommate, Megan to work at Girl Scout staff training for the weekend. Since she and I have been roommates, I've accompanied her on this trip to cook for 110 people who will be working at one of the Girl Scout camps during the summer. I was never involved in Girl Scouts, but Megan grew up in this troop and even earned her gold award. This year was a slightly different experience for me because I not only observed the ways of the troop, I analyzed them with wonder and learned that I could relate to them   in more ways than none.

On our way to the site (which is two hours away when you're lugging a trailer behind you), we got stuck in traffic at the Caldecott Tunnel and I started to ruminate about the weekend and the many characters I'd come in contact with. The people in Girl Scouts are a breed of their own and when I was first exposed to them, I was caught off guard by their "cultish" ways. I mean, have you met "Flingee" (in her 50s, maybe early 60s) who insists on coming through the kitchen to stock up on ice so that she can chew on it during the training sessions? Or, how about "Mother Hen" who works at an organic chicken farm and is never without her beanie with two yarn braids regardless of the weather? Or," Ziggy" who frequents the kitchen by performing "quality" checks on the food that entices her? Or, "Starr", a pediatrician at Kaiser who enjoys singing old hymns because she was in a choir as a child and was raised Lutheran. Or, "Firefly" but otherwise known as "Fly" who has the mouth of a sailor and is talented at sewing roller skating costumes and creating wedding cakes. I can't even tell you the first names of most of these people-Megan (or Sunflower) can't tell you either-and she's grown up with them!

As we continued to sit there in traffic, my mind went off on a rabbit trail as Megan and I had a conversation about Disneyland. What if someone not only paid your admission to Disneyland, they also gave you as many food vouchers and store coupons you wanted for that one day, how would you use those coupons? I started to think about it for myself, would I greedily stock up on all to my heart's content or would I use what I needed? Then of course, another rabbit trail: God had provided quail and manna for the Israelites each morning and He specifically said not to gather more than what was needed. Some of the Israelites disobeyed and as result, they got to see food decompose at its best-with maggots the next morning.

In the past (not this year though), some of the Girl Scout staff has not only been demanding, but I've watched them greedily create piles of food on their plates and then approach the kitchen window for more. And as I understand my role, it can be taxing taking all of the questions or comments about dietary restrictions or suggestions for more food or whatnot. I've had to have my own attitude adjustment because I'm there to serve and not get impatient in my heart when someone requests to look at the contents of the baked bean can (which is in the dumpster) to make sure it is truly vegetarian. Instead of wanting to say, "Can't you, for one weekend, ignore your food preferences, be thankful and just eat what is in front of you?", I've become convicted of my own ingratitude.

After going through a turbulent year financially, I was finally ready for June because my loan modification rate was finally going to apply and I could be more lax in my spending and spend more on luxury items. Well, something went awry in my modification and the normal amount was taken out of my account (I'm still working out the details with GMAC). So much for that flat screen TV or those new running shoes or new windshield or carwash or that vacation. Notice that I'm not in need of anything----I am like the Israelites, but instead, I'm wanting to hoard my money so that I can buy what I want to buy. And yet, God has provided all of my needs: food, shelter, clothing, water---those needed for everyday living. I'd probably greedily get as much food or Disney apparel I could get my hands on or if I was part of the staff training, I'd probably eat as much free food given to me too. And while I appreciate the work of the Holy Spirit in my life, I'm not so fond of having to once again admit that I struggle with the sin of greediness. However, I cannot get bogged down in not getting what I want, whenever I want it. As Job said, "The Lord giveth and taketh..." who am I to gripe about not having my luxuries met?

I know this sounds strange the way I'm putting it, but on one of the training evenings, some of the Girl Scout staff sings. They just sit in a circle and sing endlessly (it seems that way if you don't have your earplugs in when you're going to bed) and they harmonize and sing songs in rounds. This antiquated assembling is foreign to me (outside of church) and I always wonder, "What are they singing about?". Well, I know they sing a song called, "Freedom Train" , "Ezekiel Saw The Wheel", other folk and patriotic songs. While the songs don't have much significance for me, I was thinking about reasons that humans sing. When I'm not singing songs of praise or hymns, you might catch me singing Broadway showtunes. When I sing, it is usually when I'm jovial. But, when I sing worship songs, my heart is filled with joy and awe of God's ways. To me, singing demonstrates a complete trust in God and this is why I can sing when I'm fearful or anxious. So, when I went to bed on Saturday night, (outside), I stared at the tops of the trees from a prone position, looked at the multitude of stars that dotted the sky, I began to sing to the Creator of those trees and firmament.

I know that thanking the Lord for each meal is not unusual for Christians. However, I do think it is odd that the Girl Scout troop sings "grace" before each meal. One of the prayer songs is actually sung to the hymn, "O God Our Help In Ages Past" and another is called "Hallelujah Gracias Señor". It's definitely not the way I express my thanks to the Lord for His provision, but I'm befuddled that The Girl Scouts of America think it is important enough to give thanks to God. Could it be true that man does have God's law written on his heart? Could God's Word actually be true? My heart does not need to answer those questions, but what about your heart? Do you believe that man is without excuse on the day of judgement because God's law is ingrained in the heart of man, that man chose to do what he wanted-lived a life to satisfy his own pleasures? Have you ever been caught saying, "Thank God..."or, have you ever said, "Oh God, help me..."? when you don't profess to have a relationship with Him?  Do you find that odd? I don't because there is an innate sense of God in every man's heart. John Calvin wrote, "Instead of ascending higher than themselves as they ought to do, they measure [H]im by their own carnal stupidity, and, then neglecting solid inquiry, fly off to indulge their curiosity in vain speculation. Hence, they do not conceive [H]in in the character in which [H]e is manifested, but imagine [H]im to be whatever their rashness devised"*.


If I've ever been in a group where I'm the only Christian, I've found myself feeling lonely and sad that this group shares nothing in common with me. However, being away at Girl Scout staff training was a reminder that I can still freely worship my Lord and Savior.  While I didn't learn to tie knots that actually have names to them, I learned that there are indeed snippets of God throughout the training. Not to mention, I'm there to serve and that alone, should elicit an excitement for me-it does, just don't ask me to go find the empty bean can in the dumpster :)



For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things-Romans 1:20-23 


The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.”

They are corrupt, they do abominable deeds,
there is none who does good-Psalm 14:1 

Sing to the LORD a new song,
his praise from the end of the earth,
you who go down to the sea, and all that fills it,
the coastlands and their inhabitants-Isaiah 42:10 


Sing to him a new song; play skillfully on the strings, with loud shouts-Psalm 33:3 



He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the LORD-Psalm 40:3

And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”-Luke 12:15



Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain!-Psalm 119:36 




*http://www.abu.nb.ca/courses/grphil/philrel/CalvinLecture.htm

Linus and That Stupid Blanket

On my way to work one day this week, I spotted a woman in the carpool lane re-entering the lanes with those of us stuck in traffic. Whenever I see drivers zig-zagging in and out of the carpool lane, I always check to see if they are alone. In this case, this woman was alone and in my rightness-oriented mind, I couldn't help but shake my head. I've always wanted to go in the carpool lane as a single driver, but never have done so outside of the hours I am allowed to. As I drove alongside this woman, I noticed that she had a blanket up to her nose and she kept re-adjusting it which then triggered a sense of curiosity and suspicion on my part. As I passed her, I kept watching her in my rearview mirror and I thought that perhaps she was changing her shirt. However, this blanket-up-to-the-nose thing continued and I purposely slowed down so that she could drive alongside me again. I couldn't believe what I saw: she was sucking her thumb while holding her tattered blanket! 

If you asked Freud, Jung or Maslow to analyze this woman's odd habit, they'd all probably say she had an oral fixation, that she was insecure and that she didn't bond to her mother when she was an infant. All of the answers may be a possibility, but it got me thinking about an even deeper issue of her heart. We all know that babies either have a pacifier, thumb, blanket or all three and those are a source of comfort that bring about security. I remember when I sucked my thumb until I was six and oh, it was so hard to give up. However, when an adult sucks their thumb, it seems odd because they "should've" given that up when they were kids. The fact of the matter remains in all our hearts: we all long for security. 

I've talked about this before but with today's economy, there is no better time to focus on the want of security. Many of those who thought that they had a forever job have experienced downsizing in their company, loss of business and paycuts. Businesses, small and large have closed. Many homes are going into foreclosure or residents are short selling. I recently read that 49% of the population that live in a household, are on some kind of government assistance. Families can't even fill their gas tank to capacity because gas prices are egregiously high. And you know what is the only security? gold. The price of gold per ounce has risen and yes, we should all trade in any gold that we have for cash. 


I remember a time when I naively thought that cutting hair will always attract customers despite the woes of the economy because everyone has hair. Ha! There are so many people who have learned to cut their own hair so that they can save instead for their groceries or gas. 

What gives you security? A husband? A wonderful marriage? A job with benefits? A good relationship with your kids? Your friends? Your bank account? Your hobbies? A bar of gold? Love? Politics? Your family? Your talents? Happiness? Satisfaction? Pride? Confidence? Belief in yourself? If only I...fill in the blank.


I'm not perfect and while I would like to be, I sometimes find my security in things, in people-temporal, fleeting and failing. I'm not sure why I do this because I know the truth and the Source of security. As a Christian, I must daily remind myself that all my hope is in Christ. My security AND satisfaction must be bound in Him alone. 

You can't have security unless you find satisfaction in something. I'll even go further and say it: you can't have security unless you have satisfaction in Christ. What does it mean to have full satisfaction in Christ? It means that your joy is made complete because you relish Him. You delight in His ways and your devotion is fully to Him. John Piper says,  "The longing to be happy is a universal human experience, and it is good, not sinful. We should never try to deny or resist our longing to be happy, as though it were a bad impulse. Instead we should seek to intensify this longing and nourish it with whatever will provide the deepest and most enduring satisfaction. The deepest and most enduring happiness is found only in God." 

I love what George Mueller says about happiness: "The point is this: I saw more clearly than ever, that the first great and primary business to which I ought to attend every day was, to have my soul happy in the Lord. The first thing to be concerned about was not, how much I might serve the Lord, how I might glorify the Lord; but how I might get my soul into a happy state, and how my inner man might be nourished. For I seek to set the truth before the unconverted, I might seek to benefit believers, I might seek to relieve the distress, I might in other ways seek to behave myself as it becomes a child of God in this world; and yet, not being happy in the Lord, and not being nourished and strengthened in my inner man day by day, all this might not be attended to in a right spirit."*

Sometimes life is mundane and it laborious to always desire God. However, we are called to cultivate our relationship with the Lord by reading His Word, praying and worshiping Him. My heart needs to be molded to His will (not to my busy schedule) and as John Piper says, "He is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him". To write such words are not cliche, I earnestly seek this. God will never disappoint and His security is top-notch!

         On God rests my salvation and my glory;

my mighty rock, my refuge is God-Psalm 62:7 

         Blessed is the man

who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,

nor stands in the way of sinners,

nor sits in the seat of scoffers;

but his delight is in the law of the LORD,

and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree

planted by streams of water

that yields its fruit in its season,

and its leaf does not wither.

In all that he does, he prospers.-Psalm 1:1-3 

Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love,
that we may rejoice and be glad all our days-Psalm 90:14 



Incline my heart to your testimonies,
and not to selfish gain!-Psalm 119:36


if you pour yourself out for the hungry
and satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
then shall your light rise in the darkness
and your gloom be as the noonday.
And the LORD will guide you continually
and satisfy your desire in scorched places
and make your bones strong;
and you shall be like a watered garden,
like a spring of water,
whose waters do not fail-Isaiah 58:10-11 




*(Autobiography of George Mueller, compiled by Fred Bergen, [London: J. Nisbet Co., 1906], pp. 152-154].